Talking to teenagers about smoking, drugs and alcohol

The statistics are stark: 19% of children have tried smoking while 24% admitted to taking drugs and 44% of 11-15-year-olds say they’ve had an alcoholic drink.

We all dabbled in something we probably shouldn't have when we were a teenager, but if you're a parent of one, you’re no doubt still worried about these findings from an NHS survey.

So what can you do if your teenager smokes, drinks or takes drugs … and how do you spot the warning signs?

We spoke to addiction expert Chris Hill, who runs Beat My Addictions, to get his expert advice for mums and dads. He says:

‘The best thing you can do as a parent is to educate yourself. Find out about the different drugs and what all the side effects are.

‘The more open you are with your child, the more they’ll feel comfortable talking to you if they are smoking, drinking or taking drugs.’

What are the dangers of smoking in teenagers?

The risks of smoking — from cancer to fertility problems — are well known, and they are just as relevant for children and teenagers. The NHS warns that smoking:

• Decreases your lung capacity;
• Increases your risk of dying of cancer – if you start smoking at 15, you’re three times more likely to die from cancer than someone who starts smoking in their mid-20s
• Could harm your fertility.

Other research from the Royal College of Physicians found children who smoke are up to six times more likely to suffer from coughs, wheeziness and shortness of breath than children who don’t smoke.

How can I tell if my teenager is smoking?

According to public health charity Action on Smoking and Health (ASH), an estimated 207,000 children in the UK start smoking each year. 

A Tobacco Advisory report estimates that up to half of the children who try smoking are likely to become regular smokers within two or three years.

And worryingly, a child can show signs of addiction to nicotine within four weeks of starting to smoke according to another report.

So what are the signs your child is smoking cigarettes or vaping?

Chris suggests looking out for your teenager:

• Washing their hands frequently
• Chewing gum or mints
• Changing their clothes more often
• Being secretive

He adds: 

‘Nicotine is addictive but a child wouldn’t know that. They’d only know that when they have a cigarette they feel a bit better than they did before.

‘But when that addiction and cravings start, your child might be embarrassed and then start to lie. That means they’ll go from being an honest kid to all of a sudden hiding things from you.’

What do I do if my child is smoking?

If you suspect  — or know — your child is smoking or vaping, there are lots of practical things you can do to both talk to your teen and help them quit.

1. Talk to your child about addiction

Chris says:

‘As parents you should educate your child not just on the dangers of smoking but on what addiction is. Don’t be afraid to use that word. Nicotine is an addictive substance.

'Learn what addiction is and how it affects the mind and body.

‘You can then talk very specifically to your child about how they might be feeling, their cravings and so on, and how they can take steps to break that addiction.’

2. Don’t lecture your child

If your first instinct is to tell your child to stop smoking, take a deep breath and try a different approach instead, says Chris.

“You might feel tempted to say, ‘If I ever catch you smoking, you’ll be in trouble’. But when you tell a child not to do something, chances are they’re going to do it!

‘Instead, be open and honest so they feel comfortable talking to you about their smoking.’

Counselling service Relate suggests asking your child why they've started smoking and how it makes them feel. 

3. Talk to your child about peer pressure

It might be your child has started smoking or vaping to be like their friends or older children at their school. If this is the case, it can help if you talk to them about peer pressure … and how to say no.

Chris says:

‘Cigarettes are a gateway to other things like cannabis, recreational drugs and drinking alcohol. Teach your child that it’s okay to say no and to stand out from the crowd. Help your child make better choices without telling them what they can and can’t do.’

How to help your teenager quit smoking

If your child is ready to stop smoking or vaping then the NHS has a useful guide for under-18s guide wanting to quit cigarettes. This includes:

Talk to your GP ... If your child wants to quit smoking, talk to your GP about the support available. If they're aged 12-18 you can get nicotine replacement patches and other products free on the NHS.

Be ready for withdrawals ... The first few days of quitting are the hardest. According to Relate your teenager could experience:

• lack of energy
• headaches and/ or stomach aches
• depression
• dry mouth or sore throat 
• urges to overeat

These physical withdrawals usually disappear after around four weeks.

What are the dangers of drugs?

There are lots of different drugs that your child might be accessing. According to the Government’s drug advisory website FRANK, these include:

• illegal drugs like cannabis, ketamine and ecstacy
• household products including glues and aerosols
• different medicinal drugs like codeine
• alcohol and tobacco
• ‘legal highs’ which are sold as pills, liquids and so on. 

Depending on the drug, the side effects can be addiction, changes in personality and even death from an overdose.

The support network Partnership for Drug Free Kids warns 90% of addictions start in the teen years.

What are the signs my child is doing drugs?

An NHS survey found 24% of children have taken drugs. If you think your child has tried drugs, try and stay calm: even if your child has taken drugs, it doesn’t mean they will continue taking them.

FRANK says there are different signs your child or teen may be doing drugs. These include:

• Mood swings or bad behaviour
• Not sleeping well, staying out late and lying in
• Being secretive
• Not doing well at school or bunking off
• Poor hygiene
• Change in appetite
• Drowsiness
• Hanging out with new friends who may be doing drugs
• Money going missing around the house
• Out of place items in your house like burnt foil or ripped cigarette packets

Chris says:

‘With cannabis there will be a behaviour change: this could include a change to their eating patterns and wanting to consume lots of sugary food or snacking late at night.

‘Another possible sign is a change in eye contact. One of the side effects of cannabis is psychosis, so your child will become a bit paranoid. They can be difficult and struggle to have a normal, relaxed conversation.

‘Also look out for bloodshot eyes and your child’s clothes smelling of cannabis.’

What can I do if my child is taking drugs?

It’s one of the biggest nightmares for parents. But remember: one or two drug incidents don’t mean they’ll take them again or develop a drug problem. 

1. Stay calm

If you suspect your child has tried, or is taking drugs, a natural first reaction is to panic.

Instead, Chris recommends trying to stay calm and having an honest conversation with your child, asking them open-ended questions and trying not to be judgemental. 

He says:

‘Don’t get mad, just ask and see what the response is and then prompt a conversation on the dangers of drugs.

‘This will help build that bond with your child and hopefully they'll be more open with you.’

Also pick your time carefully: don’t do it if you suspect your child is high or if you’re both already stressed.

2. Know what the different drugs are

Chris recommends taking time to research the different drugs and their side effects. He says:

‘If you suspect your child is taking drugs then teach yourself about the side effects and stories around each drug. That way, when you talk to your child, you can speak to them from a place of knowledge and understanding.’

3. Listen as well as talk

Make sure your child has the opportunity to talk if they want to. Chris says:

‘Asking a child is always much better than telling a child. You can’t help someone who is not receptive and you can’t force them into stopping.’

4. Don’t give up

If your child refuses to talk to you about drugs, then don’t force the conversation. However, don’t give up either. The NHS advice for talking to your child about drugs recommends trying again at another time.

Also, let your child know you’re always there for them and make sure they know the conversation is ongoing and they can talk to you whenever they want.

5. Get professional help

If you’re not getting anywhere, then a useful website for support and advice is www.talktofrank.com. Alternatively you can call the FRANK helpline on 0800 77 66 00.

Another option is to talk to your GP and find out about any local NHS drug treatment services.

For private therapy, the charity Adfam has a list of private organisations that treat drug and alcohol addiction.

What are the dangers of underage drinking?

While it’s illegal for anyone aged under 18 to sell or buy alcohol, children aged five to 16 are legally allowed to drink alcohol at home or on private premises. It’s illegal to give alcohol to a child under the age of five.

The NHS says it’s not advisable for children to drink alcohol under the age of 18. However, they say if you are allowing your child to drink a bit of alcohol, it shouldn’t be until they are at least 15.

Despite this, research from Drinkaware found the average age a child first tries alcohol is 13-years-old.

A report found the health risks of underage drinking include:

• Damaging your child’s physical and mental health. Alcohol can affect the development of vital organs, including the brain. 
• Drinking under the age of 14 is associated with an increase in alcohol-related injuries and suicidal thoughts and attempts.
• Underage drinking is also associated with risky behaviour including violence, more sexual partners and using drugs.
• Underage drinking is linked with missing or falling behind at school.

Despite these health risks, an NHS survey found 44% of 11-15-year-olds had tried alcohol.

How can I tell if my child is drinking too much alcohol?

It’s not recommended that your child drink under the age of 18. However, if they are, here are the guidelines for how much they should drink.

• If your child is aged 15-17, he should drink alcohol rarely
• Never more than once a week.
• Your child should never drink more than the recommended adult weekly limit of 14 units.

Chris says:

‘Alcohol is different to drugs and smoking because parents often allow children to have a sip of a drink. 

‘You should educate your child on the dangers of alcohol and drinking too much: for example, they might fall unconscious or not be able to find their way home.’

According to figures from Drinkaware, 30% of young people who’ve drunk alcohol have experienced negative consequences thanks to drinking.

What can I do if my child is drinking too much alcohol?

1. Talk to your child

As with smoking and drugs, the first step is to have an open conversation with your child. Try to listen and don’t jump in while your child is talking.

Make it clear you are there for your child and that they can talk to you any time.

2. Pick your moment

Don’t try and talk to your child about his drinking if he is already drunk. Wait until he’s sobered up (and you’ve calmed down).

3. Help your child say no

If your child is drinking because of peer pressure, then help them to feel comfortable saying no to their friends. Chris says: ‘Teach your child that if those friends put pressure on them, maybe they are not really their friends.’ 

4. Cut down your own drinking

According to Drinkaware, your child may argue that if you’re telling them to cut down their drinking why aren't you also reducing the amount you drink. If that’s the case, it might be time for you to cut down on alcohol, too.

Are you worried about your teenager and drugs? Join the chat in our thread, below.

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