Stop sex being a chore when you're TTC
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When you decided to ditch the contraception and start trying for a baby, you probably thought you were on track for some of the best, most frequent and least inhibited sex of your life.
But once you’ve been TTC for several months, sex can become, well, a bit tedious.
Babymaking often takes all the spontaneity out of our sex lives. We end up doing it more often than we want to, because we feel we should maximise our chances. We take ovulation tests that tell us exactly when we need to have sex, whether we’re in the mood or not. It can all start to feel rather mechanical.
But TTC sex doesn’t have to be a chore, even if your sex life now revolves around the calendar, rather than your libido. Try these tips for spicing things up between the sheets (or not, as the case may be!).
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1 Get hands-on
If sex has become a bit ‘hop on, hop off,’ rediscovering the delights of foreplay can help bring back the romance.
Dim the lights and treat each other to an all-over massage with an aphrodisiac aromatherapy blend like ylang ylang or rose oil. It’ll feel like it did back in the first days of your relationship, when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other.
2 Break free from bedtime
You’ve been at work all day, cooked a meal, done the ironing. By the time you fall into bed, all you want to do is sleep. So you do the deed as quickly as you can, knowing you have to get up early in the morning.
Shake things up by not waiting till bedtime to have sex. You could surprise your partner by gate-crashing his morning shower, or dragging him to the bedroom after dinner. Being more spontaneous about when you have sex will stop it feeling like a chore.
3 Try a different position
Some people say that particular sex positions increase your chances of getting pregnant, although there is no evidence to back this up. We say, why not try them all to liven things up? Whether up against the wall, kneeling, spoons or reverse cowgirl, variety is the spice of life as the saying goes …
4 Start sexting
It’s what all the teenagers are doing these days, and if it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for us! Sending each other some racy texts throughout the day detailing *exactly* what you’re going to do to each other when you get home from work will have you both desperate to clock off for the day.
5 Invest in some ‘playthings’
Okay, so you may be trying to become respectable parents, but before you start buying baby toys, why not treat yourself to some sex toys?
There’s a mind-boggling array of playthings available (online, to save any blushes), from vibrators to light bondage gear, and they’re all designed to warm things up in the bedroom. Just put them away before your mother-in-law visits!
6 Watch some porn
Watching a bit of porn can get your heart pounding and your juices flowing, especially if you and your partner can do it together.
Studies have shown that watching porn with your other half can generate ideas, themes and scenarios that you can recreate in the bedroom, making sex more spontaneous and adventurous.
7 Quality, not quantity
You might think that you need to have sex every day to give yourselves the best chances of getting pregnant, but doing it that often is likely to leave you somewhat bored – not to mention sore and knackered.
Many experts agree that rather than going at it hammer and tongs (sorry!), it’s best to have sex every other day in your fertile period. And doing it slightly less often is likely to make it something you can both enjoy, rather than endure.
8 Talk dirty
Learning to talk dirty to each other isn’t always easy – it can feel like you’re reading the script of a bad porno at times – but it’s a scientifically proven way of making sex better.
Sexual arousal comes from your brain as well as your bits. So if you and your partner can engage in some smutty talk while you’re also working up to sex, you’ll be doubly stimulated (oooh!).
9 Get away from it all
When sex becomes routine, it’s natural for your mind to start to drift away to what you have to do at work tomorrow, whether you remembered to renew the car insurance, what to buy for your mum’s birthday …
Getting away from it all and booking yourselves a romantic night in a hotel is a great way to literally drag your mind away from the daily grind and put you in a space where for 24 hours, you can focus on nothing but each other – and rediscover what makes you tick in the bedroom at the same time.
10 Play a sexy game
Laughter can be a powerful aphrodisiac so playing a sexy game can help you get in the mood for sex and stop it feeling like just another thing that you *have* to do.
There are lots of games on sale specifically designed to spice up your sex life, such as Monogamy and You & Me: 50 Nights of Intimacy. Or you could just go old-school with a game of strip poker or naked Twister. No cheating, now.
11 Have a change of scene
Sex in bed: boring, predictable, samey. Sex on the sofa, in the bath or over the kitchen counter: hot, hot, hot.
You might be trying to make a baby, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be more adventurous as to where you do it. And trust us, once you’ve got a child, sex in the bedroom with the door locked is all you’ll ever get, so you might as well make the most of your freedom while you can!
12 Read some erotica
You only have to look at the huge sales figures racked up by 50 Shades of Grey to realise that porn in word form can do wonders for your sex life.
If you’re feeling confident, you and your partner could try reading some erotica aloud to each other and re-enacting the scenes from the story. Otherwise, spending 20 minutes reading something that tickles your fancy can help get you in the right frame of mind for sex – and give you something to think about other than making a baby.
