Sleep training techniques: gradual withdrawal
Louisa Sherlock
Associate EditorThis page contains affiliate links, which means we may earn a small amount of money if a reader clicks through and makes a purchase. All our articles and reviews are written independently by the Netmums editorial team.
A sleep training technique that works for many babies is the gradual withdrawal - or disappearing chair - technique. It's a more gentle approach to baby sleep training. Why not see if it works for you?
Looking for the best way to help your little (and you!) sleep?
As part of our baby sleep series, we spoke to sleep expert Andrea Grace about the gradual withdrawal – or gradual retreat – approach to sleep training your baby.
Read her book 'Gentle Sleep Solutions: Teach Yourself', for a more extensive analysis that will give you the insights, tools and strategies to help your baby get the rest they need - however difficult the challenge. You can see it here at Amazon and it costs £4.73.
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This sees you gradually reducing your involvement in your child falling asleep so she stops relying on you and instead learns to fall asleep on her own.
And we've also got the seven steps you need for another gentle sleep training technique – the kissing game.
Andrea says:
‘Gradual retreat is suitable for all ages as soon as babies start to get their days and nights sorted out. It’s a very gentle way of helping a baby to sleep and, in many ways, it’s not strictly speaking what people would consider to be conventional sleep training.’
Gradual withdrawal sleep technique: who is it suitable for?
According to NHS guidelines, the gradual withdrawal method is suitable for babies six months or older. You can also use it for your toddler if she is having problems falling asleep or staying asleep.
Andrea says,
‘This method is really good for younger babies but it’s also good for babies with health problems like reflux who have a poor association with sleeping. For example, babies with reflux often associate the cot with pain and to do any kind of rapid return type training with babies like that can often be too traumatic.
‘It will also suit parents who don’t want to leave their babies to cry.’
If this approach appeals to you, read about the other 'no cry' methods for sleep training your baby.
Who is not suitable for?
The gradual withdrawal method won't suit everyone. Andrea points out it’s probably not suitable for:
- Parents in need of a speedy solution.
- Parents who are unable to commit to sitting beside their baby for lengthy periods during the night.
Andrea adds:
'If you have a two or three-year-old and you’re edging your way out of the bedroom, that’s perhaps not the best thing for them as this gradual withdrawal method can seem a bit tentative from the parents.'
Disappearing chair or gradual withdrawal – how to do it
Before you start the disappearing chair - or gradual withdrawal - sleep training, it's important to make sure your baby has a consistent bedtime and a calming bedtime routine.
You should also always put your baby down when she is drowsy, rather than already asleep and look out for her sleepy cues.
Here are Andrea's three steps for the gradual withdrawal sleep training...
STEP ONE
What to do: Place your baby into the cot and remain beside her until she's gone to sleep. You can give as much eye contact and physical contact as she needs to settle.
If your little one is standing in the cot, you can hold her as she stands along with cuddling and patting and so on.
You should speak calmly and reassuringly, but its best not to get her out of the cot or feed again.
Time taken: approximately two nights
STEP TWO
What to do: Once your baby becomes comfortable about falling asleep in the cot, you need to withdraw some of your physical contact. However don't leave her alone yet.
Instead, remain beside the cot and reduce the contact slightly. Make sure that as she falls asleep, you are not touching her.
Time taken: approximately two nights
STEP THREE
What to do: Sit on a chair or cushion by your baby's cot. When your baby cries, go back to her and gently pat or stroke her. Try to avoid eye contact.
This floor cushion measures 120 x 100cm and is super-comfy so it's ideal for lounging on. You can get it here at Amazon in a variety of colours for £31.99.
As soon as your baby stops, very quietly move your cushion or chair slightly further away from her cot and sit down.
Repeat this, moving your chair a little further away from your baby’s cot each night until you are outside the room. Do this in tiny stages, so that your baby has time to get used to the change.
Time taken: can take up to two weeks
Sleep training - tips for success
Having a plan is key!
Andrea says:
'With gradual withdrawal you need to have a plan and set a goal of how you are going to do it. For example, by the end of the week you’re going to be in doorway rather than by the cot. If you approach it in this way you’re much more likely to be successful with it.
'Gradual withdrawal can fizzle out and quite often parents will get to a stage where they are nearly there but they don’t quite get that last bit which is leaving the room.
'That is important to think about - the more independently a baby can fall asleep at the beginning of the night, the more likely they are going to be able to self settle when they wake up during the night.'
Sleep aid products can help, too. This top-rated model from the Gro Company attaches to cots and features four soothing sounds and a comforting light. Plus, it's designed with a special cry sensor that automatically turns it on once it detects a baby cry. You can find it here at Amazon for £22.99.
The 'kissing game' sleep training: how to do it
Similar in approach to the gradual retreat method, this sleep training approach is particularly suited to children aged between six months and two years, though it can also be used for older children.
As before, have a consistent bedtime and a calming bedtime routine. Also, always put your little one down when she is drowsy but awake.
According to guidance from the NHS, the seven steps for the 'kissing game' sleep training are ...
1 Put your baby down to bed when she is drowsy and promise to return in a minute to give her a kiss.
2 Return almost immediately to give another kiss.
3 Take a few steps towards the door then return to give another kiss.
4 Return in a minute to give another kiss.
5 Put something away, or do something in the room and then return to give her another kiss.
6 As long as your child is lying down, she gets more kisses, but no more chat, cuddles, stories or drinks ... just kisses until she's asleep.
7 Repeat until your child is asleep.
Be warned, this approach takes A LOT of energy and time. It may take about three hours for your child to settle off to sleep, and you may need to give 300 kisses in one night.
You can exchange kisses for patting/stroking if you wish.
Has the gradual retreat worked for you? Join in the chat with other mums, below ...
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This article contains affiliate links, which means we may earn a small amount of money if a reader clicks through and makes a purchase. All our articles and reviews are written independently by the Netmums editorial team.
