Sleep training techniques: self settling

If your baby is having trouble getting back to sleep if he wakes up – or can't soothe himself to sleep on his own – you might want to help him learn to self settle. Here's what's involved ...

If you're a sleep-deprived parent who is desperate for some shut-eye, you might be considering sleep training your baby. One popular — and gentle — method is teaching your baby to self settle.

As part of our baby bedtime series, we spoke to sleep expert Andrea Grace to find out what self settling (or self soothing) is, who it’s suitable for … and how it could help your baby, and you, sleep better.

And for even more sleep tips, why not turn to Fairy Non Bio. We have teamed up with Fairy Non Bio to share six tips for a snuggly soft bedtime routine to give you and your little one the best night’s sleep.

Find out more by following #SnugglySoftBedtimes on social media.

What is self settling?

Self settling means your baby is able to fall asleep without needing you to rock, pat or shush him. It's a gentle method and doesn't mean leaving your baby to cry.

Andrea says:

‘Self settling is when your baby puts himself to sleep without being over-helped by you. 

‘The reason that it's a skill worth acquiring is because sleep happens in cycles. If your baby is able to put himself to sleep at the start of the night or a nap, when he stirs later on he's more likely to resettle without tears or anxiety that you’re no longer next to him.'

How do I teach my baby to self settle?

According to Andrea, by the time your baby is around 3-6 months old, he could start naturally self settling himself. However, if he needs help, there are simple techniques you can use to teach him this important skill.

She says:

‘Some babies are naturally more independent than others and putting themselves to sleep is not something that needs to be taught. 

‘Most babies do need a bit of a nudge in the right direction though.’

Try these tips for helping your baby learn how to self settle ...

1. Put your baby to bed when he’s still awake
This means when your baby does nod off, he’ll associate the cot with going to sleep ... rather than you.

Andrea says:

‘Babies who are able to self settle are generally those who go to sleep independently at the start of the night.’

2. Don’t let your baby fall asleep during a milk feed
To help with this independent sleep, Andrea recommends trying to keep your baby awake during his final feed before bed.

‘It's natural for a baby to fall asleep over a milk feed when he is tired. But after a few weeks, try to discourage him from doing this at every feed, or he may develop a milk/sleep dependence.

‘Try giving the final feed with the bedroom light kept on and preventing your baby from dozing.’

3. Take it slowly
As with any new skill your baby is learning, it may take him a bit of time to learn how to self soothe. So patience is key says Andrea.

‘Once your baby has developed the knack of falling asleep aware that he is in the cot, you can then move gradually further away from him — or pop in and out of the room if he is fussing a bit — until he learns how to go into the cot awake and put himself off to sleep.’

4. Create a bedtime routine
Help your baby prepare for sleep by establishing a bedtime routine. According to the NHS, your baby could be ready for a bedtime routine when he's around 3 months old.

Fairy Non Bio and the experts at GOSH have lots of tips on what to include in your child's bedtime routine, including a soothing bedtime story.

For an added sleep boost, make sure your little one's PJs and bedding are as snuggly soft as possible. Fairy Non Bio’s Sensitive Skin Dream Team – Fairy Non Bio PODS® and Fairy Fabric Conditioner – gently clean clothes and leave everything as soft as can be.

What if my baby won't settle on his own?

Every baby is different. And there may be a number of different reasons your little one is struggling to soothe himself to sleep.

Your baby is too young to self settle ... Don't try the self settling method before your baby is 3 months old.

And even then he may not even be ready then says Andrea. 'You may just need to give him more time. If your baby is very young, it's natural that he wants to be close to you. He will need the warmth of human contact to help him feel safe and secure. '

Your baby doesn't like being put down ... This is totally normal. And Andrea has a great tip if your baby doesn't like you putting him down:

'Invest in a good quality baby carrier and enlist the help of trusted friends and family to hold him when you need a break. After the first few weeks, you should then introduce a highly consistent bed time routine to foster a sense of security.

'Then, when you know that he is tired (but not over tired) put him into his crib and stay with him to support him falling asleep.'

Andrea suggests using the gradual withdrawal method to help your baby get used to falling asleep on his own.

Can I use a dummy to help my baby self settle?

According to Andrea, a dummy can be useful in helping your baby to settle. She says:

‘Certainly, dummies have their uses in helping a baby to settle, and they are not called “pacifiers” for nothing! The rhythmic and natural sucking process can help to induce sleep.’

However, there are sleep disadvantages too, says Andrea including the dummy falling out of your baby’s mouth as he falls asleep. And that means disrupted sleep for you as you'll need to get up to pop the dummy back in.

‘The nature of sleep is such that frequent waking up due to the sleep cycles means that they may need the dummy replacing several times’, she adds.

Have you tried the self settling technique? Join in the chat in our thread, below.

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