Self-care: why it's so important for maternal mental health

Being a new mum can be tough – particularly when COVID-19 means many support options, such as parent and baby groups and help from grandparents, are restricted. Which is why making time for self-care is so important for your mental health.

Becoming a new parent is a big life change. Suddenly there's just not enough time in the day and your wellbeing takes a back seat.

You put your baby and family's needs before your own and if you do get a few spare minutes – well, there's always something that needs doing!

But there's no need to feel guilty about taking some time out just for you, whether that's reading a magazine or catching up with a friend. In fact, it's essential for your mental wellbeing.

Self-care can boost your mood and make it easier to cope with everyday life – and your baby will pick up on the fact that you're calmer and happier, too.

Taking some time out for self-care can also help new parents manage the symptoms of mental health problems such as postnatal depression and anxiety. And looking after yourself can even stop mental health issues developing in the first place.

So leave the washing to pile up once in a while, get a takeaway if you haven't got time to make dinner, and create 15 minutes of 'me time' to practise some self-care.

Here's how:

What is self-care?

Self-care is taking the time to look after your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.

This could be spending time with friends and family or catching up on a Zoom call if you're not able to see them in person.

Other examples of self-care could include:

• spending time outdoors in the fresh air
• eating well
• doing a workout or going for a walk, run, swim or other form of physical activity
• getting a manicure or doing something that makes you feel good about yourself
• reading a book or magazine
• drawing
• relaxing
• having a long bath
• mindfulness – find a few mindfulness ideas for busy parent here

Why is self-care so important for maternal mental health?

While self-care sounds pretty straightforward, it's something many new parents neglect.

As parents we tend to take care of everyone else before ourselves, but it's essential to create a bit of time for self-care or you risk running yourself into the ground.

Around 13% of new mums will experience some form of mental health issue after the birth of their baby, with postnatal depression being most common. And a Netmums survey found that 73% of mums said they experienced a low mood following the birth of their child.

According to mental health charity Mind, self-care techniques and general lifestyle changes can help manage the symptoms of many mental health problems and prevent them getting worse. They may also help prevent some problems from developing in the first place.

Self-care is particularly important at the moment as social distancing measures may be having an effect on your mental wellbeing. Not being able to build new parent friendships at antenatal classes or parent and baby groups can also affect your mood and leave you feeling isolated.

'Self-care is such an important part of being a parent,' says Health Visitor and Netmums' Parent Support Lead, Tracey Stone.

'You don’t need to give yourself permission to include it in your routine or feel guilty for making time to recharge. Knowing you matter and you deserve "me time" will allow your confidence and self esteem to grow.

'Choosing some self-care that you enjoy can have a positive impact on your mood, reduce stress and change the way you feel about yourself and your everyday life.

'It won’t take long for others to notice you have a new bounce in your step and your happiness may rub off on others close to you, too.'

How can I find time for self-care as a new parent?

One of the main reasons parents give for not looking after their own wellbeing is a lack of time. But self-care doesn't have to take long – just 10 minutes doing something you enjoy can be enough to reset those batteries.

To ensure you have some time to yourself, plan self-care into your day.

Here’s how to start carving out some vital ‘me time’.

Start small
Have days when you don’t even have time to shower and can’t remember the last time you drank a hot cup of tea?

Start small and set aside 10 minutes for yourself every day. You can slowly build up from there and get the time for self-care that you need.

'As a start, choose a time when you feel able to take a break, so you have more chance of making it happen', says Health Visitor Tracey.

'Perhaps when your little one is asleep, or when you have someone you trust to take care of your baby.

'Make your chosen activity manageable so you enjoy it and it's not cut short. A stroll around your garden all by yourself, a brisk walk down the street, catching up on your phone messages or just a quiet cuppa.

'It's amazing what a 10-minute break can do for your mood. Once you know it's possible (which it is), you’ll realise the benefits, maybe get a little braver with bigger plans and enjoy the rewards!'

Don't be afraid to ask for help
Looking after a baby is hard work and at times it can feel overwhelming. So don't be afraid to ask for help or accept it if someone offers.

'Parenting can be tough and we’re all more likely to cope better when we’ve got a great network of support around us', says Trainee Counsellor and Netmums' Parent Support Lead Ashley Duncan.

'If you have reliable friends and family members who have offered help, this can be a brilliant resource – and often people are happy to be useful!

'Whether it’s occasional babysitting, picking up bits of shopping, or just giving your baby a cuddle for a few minutes while you shower or have a much-needed nap... taking the support we need is part of being a great parent.

'If you don’t have anyone nearby who can help, chat to your Health Visitor about support services and groups available in your local area. Visit your nearest Sure Start Children’s Centre or check to see if there’s a HomeStart service near you for support.'

If you're struggling with something specific, such as breastfeeding, when breastfeeding cafés are closed, there are lots of places you can go online for support.

The Netmums forum has Drop In Clinics staffed by trained Parent Supporters. There are nine boards covering various topics including breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, weaning and maternal mental health, where you can go for support, advice and to chat to other parents.

Put self-care in your diary

Make sure you schedule self-care in your phone calendar – and stick to it!

You know your routine best, so plan it around your baby’s naps. For example, set aside 30 minutes to read a magazine (and no doing any chores!) while your baby has their lunchtime sleep.

Stay active
Physical activity lifts your mood thanks to the release of ‘feel good’ hormones known as endorphins. So practise self-care by going for a walk in the park with your baby or heading out on a run if you have a partner or friend who can stay at home with your child.

Nature is also beneficial for your mental health, boosting your mood and reducing feelings of stress, so take your physical activity outside for added benefits.

Do one thing a day for YOU
It might be meeting a friend for a coffee, reading a chapter of a novel, joining in with a Zoom workout or online class where you can chat to other mums … Whatever it is, do one thing every day that's just for you. Your body and mind will thank you for it.

Find online classes, courses and events for parents and online parent and baby activities here.

'You could also try gratitude journalling,' says Ashley. 'Some studies have shown that simply writing down three things you’re thankful for each day can have a significant impact on your mood.'

If time is really tight you can still do something for you.

'Use your senses for a moment of mindfulness,' says Ashley.

'Something as simple as listening to relaxing music or noises, lighting a scented candle, stroking soft fabric or savouring a piece of chocolate or cup of herbal tea can help you to be "present" in the moment, which is a great practice for reducing stress and anxiety.'

How can I stop feeling guilty about taking time for myself as a parent?

As a parent, even the thought of taking 15 minutes for yourself can leave you flooded with guilt.

Here are some simple but effective ways to beat the 'parent guilt'.

Find a support network

Going out with other mums or parent friends – whether that's for a drink or a picnic in the park – is a great way of banishing feelings of guilt. If you all leave your babies at home you can reassure each other there's no need to feel guilty.

If you don't have many parent friends yet – and are struggling to meet others with parent and baby groups closed – you'll find lots of people in a similar situation online.

The Netmums forum is a great place for new parents to connect, ask for advice, share their experiences and chat about anything and everything. There are local boards too, so you can find other new parents in your area.

Feeling connected to others is important for banishing feelings of loneliness and self-doubt and can really boost your mood.

Remember you're not only a parent

You are also YOU. And you need to take time to make yourself feel good. After all, a happy parent means a happy baby.

Think about what will happen if you don't take care of yourself

There's only so long you can survive on caffeine and adrenaline. If you don't take time for self-care, you're likely to struggle physically and emotionally and may fall ill, making it much tougher to look after your baby.

Think of self-care as a non-negotiable on your daily to-do list.

Practise self-kindness

Don't beat yourself up about taking time each day to focus on you. Being a new parent is a steep learning curve. Practise self-kindness every day and remind yourself you're doing the best you can.

If you want to chat to others about maternal mental health or get support from our trained Parent Supporters, visit the forum below …

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