Pregnant woman wants to call her unborn child the same name as friend’s stillborn baby
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Lisa Baxter
WriterThe woman said while she understood her friend's grief, her trauma should not be her 'burden'. And others are divided
A pregnant woman has sparked a debate after revealing she wants to give her unborn child the same name as a close friend’s stillborn daughter.
The woman, who is seven months pregnant, said while she understands her friend’s grief, she shouldn’t be ‘burdened by someone else’s trauma’ and believes it’s her right to use the same name.
The post, shared on Reddit, saw many people advising the woman to re-think her baby‘s name to spare her friend’s feelings.
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The woman, 26, started off by explaining how she recently discovered she is expecting a girl, and she and her husband, 28, decided to name their unborn daughter Adelaide.
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'Throughout my pregnancy, I have tried to be sensitive to her feelings'
She made the announcement to family and friends, saying the name was one she’d chosen many years ago, when she was a child.
However, one of her close friends began acting ‘distant’ towards her soon after she made the announcement.
She went on to explain that the friend had a stillbirth two years previously and although she had been ‘kind’ during her friend’s new pregnancy, she changed towards her after the baby’s name news.
The mum-to-be wrote: ‘Throughout my pregnancy, I have tried to be sensitive to her feelings, as I knew it was a sore point for her. '
'She kept trying to convince us'
‘Two years ago, she tragically lost her baby girl to a stillbirth. I can't even begin to imagine how heartbreaking this must have been for her and I made sure I supported her through this devastating loss.
‘Despite her trauma, she has never been anything less than kind and empathetic towards me, up until that day. A couple of weeks later, she confronted us, suggesting we change the name of our baby, to which we rebuffed.
‘She kept on trying to convince us, suggesting different names, or saying that Adelaide was too old-fashioned or that it wouldn't suit our child.’
It was only when the woman eventually broke down in tears did the couple learn that Adelaide had been the name she had given her late daughter.
'Right to name my own child'
The pregnant woman said the name had never previously been revealed as her friend felt it was ‘too personal’.
However, it seems the revelation has failed to persuade the couple to re-think their naming plans.
She said: ‘She claims that, by keeping our name, we are disrespecting the memory of her baby. She said that if I chose the same name then my daughter would be a living reminder of what could have been.
‘I completely understand her grief, but I believe I should have the right to name my own child without being burdened by someone else's trauma.’
The woman was urged to be more considerate of her friend’s request by those commenting on her post, and some also suggested that the couple could consider using ‘Adelaide’ as a middle name to honour her friend’s late child.
One wrote: ‘You're not the a**hole for choosing that name in the first place, but that's just because you didn't know.
‘Now you do know. Is the name itself really that important to you, or is it just about not being told what to do? Do you care more about an aesthetic decision you made when you were a kid, than your 'close' friend's feelings?’
Another wrote: ‘How about Adelaide as her middle name, part of your daughter's name and a homage to your friend's lost child?’
Another posted: ‘No a**holes here, but I would definitely change the name if I even cared a speck for that friend.’
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