NHS slammed for 'insensitive' letter sent to new mums
Charlie Bond
Netmums contributor'I actually laughed out loud because I couldn’t believe that’s what they were focusing on' says Charlie Bond, who has received some 'unhelpful' parenting advice from the NHS
If there’s 1 thing I’ve learned since becoming a mum, it’s that people are willing to give you unsolicited advice and comments, pretty much continuously.
I’ve been constantly surprised about the opinions people feel the need to offer me on everything from my child crying in the supermarket to what he has for his dinner.
Mostly from strangers, these thoughts are usually offered up without any prompt from me (I can promise you I’ve never approached a woman buying apples in Tesco and asked her for 10 reasons why my child might be having a tantrum), and they’re usually not very helpful, either.
But, the 1 place I didn’t expect to receive this advice was directly into my inbox, in an email sent to new parents … from the NHS.
- Nursery closures up 50% in a year
- Stacey Solomon shares emotional tribute to daughter
- Katherine Ryan made parents sign party waivers
‘I expected the email to be filled with tips about my 2 year old…it was not’
On the evening of my son’s second birthday, after a day of cake, balloons and battling bath time (they’re not called the terrible 2’s for nothing), I sat down with a cup of tea and started to scroll through my emails.
Near the top of my inbox was a newsletter from Better Health Start for Life, the NHS’ pregnancy, baby and parenting platform.
‘You and your 2 year old: Happy Second Birthday!’ it read.
I clicked into it, intrigued to find out what was in store for me and my child over the coming months.
I expected the email to be filled with tips about potty training, the 2 year check up or vaccinations – all things that I knew would be coming my way in the not too distant future, but it was not.
Instead, I was met with ‘are you considering having another baby?'
‘I couldn’t believe that’s what the NHS was focusing on’
At first I actually laughed out loud because I couldn’t believe that’s what the NHS was focusing on, but then I started to feel annoyed.
When and if I chose to have another baby wasn’t anyone else’s business, and I certainly didn’t need that added pressure just because my child had turned 2.
Not only that, but the email struck me as being incredibly insensitive.
What if I’d been trying to have a baby but it hadn’t worked out?
What about all the mums who had traumatic births and PTSD who didn’t want to think about having another? What about the single mums for who having a second child might not be an option right now?
As I’ve written about before, my own introduction to motherhood was rocky because my son was born 6 weeks premature and he spent the first month of his life in the NICU unit.
Then, I had postnatal depression and was later diagnosed with premenstrual dysmorphic disorder (PMDD).
So, taking all of those things into consideration, thinking about having a second child is a pretty big deal, and not something that should be suggested by an email newsletter aimed at helping mums through their child’s milestones.
‘That question could be super triggering’
I wondered if I was being oversensitive, so I shared a screenshot of the email on my Instagram stories to see what my followers had to say. But they were as shocked as I was.
‘Oh god, seriously?’ 1 wrote, while another commented ‘You have no midwives to help deliver said baby, and no funding to help give said baby a decent level of healthcare because…THERE’S TOO MANY PEOPLE! Use your brain NHS.’
‘Silly NHS’ a third wrote. ‘Not to mention the never ending list of reasons why that question could be super triggering to anyone that birthed a child 2 years previously’
Not the first time
Although I’d initially signed up to the Better Health Start for Life emails as a way to help me navigate my baby’s milestones, I’d found the content to be questionable before.
When my son turned 26 weeks, the email contained a section all about losing the baby weight, including the advice ‘Frustrated that you haven't lost extra weight you put on in pregnancy? Well, don't give up.
'Lots of new mums take months to lose what they gained.
'Try to eat healthily and introduce some exercise into your daily routine,' it continued.
Fuming.
Unnecessary pressure
I felt as though this most recent email was putting unnecessary pressure on me to make decisions about my family’s future, and amidst a cost of living crisis, choosing to have another child for many isn’t a decision that’s made lightly.
As 1 commenter on my Instagram post said: ‘it’s not like getting that email made you think ‘I wasn’t considering having any more kids, but now you mention it…’
But it’s not just these emails offering unsolicited opinions.
The pressure to have more children is everywhere. Just take MP Robert Jenrick’s comments this week at the Tory Party conference when he said: ‘We do need to encourage more families to have children.
'And that’s why the prime minister’s intervention earlier in the year on childcare was important.
'We want to have a higher birthrate as a country. With an ageing society it is critically important.
'The things that government can do is improve childcare, and above all housing, because there’s a massive link between how late people eventually settle down and the ability to have kids.’
Thanks, but no thanks
Having calmed down from receiving the email, I promptly deleted it and unsubscribed from the mailing list.
And, if I do decide to have another child that’ll be on my terms, not because the NHS, the government or the woman in the supermarket thinks I should…
The NHS has been contacted for comment.
Related Stories
Mum's outrageous babysitter demands
