Netmums relationship course: understanding yourself and your partner
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Who doesn't love a quiz?! In this session we've got (almost) 50 questions about your partner for you to try to answer to get an idea of just how well you know them. Good luck!
Welcome to session two of Better Together – the Netmums Relationship Course.
The course was written in collaboration with OnePlusOne, the UK's leading relationships research organisation so it's packed with solid expert advice.
If you haven't signed up already you can have a read about what it involves and sign up here, so you'll get each instalment straight to your inbox.
And here's a sneak peek at what's coming up:
- Session one: time for a check in
- Session two: understanding yourself and your partner
- Session three: interviewing your partner
- Session four: accepting difference
- Session five: finding harmony
- Session six: accepting flaws
- Session seven: daily compliments
- Session eight: learning to listen
- Session nine: building closeness
- Session 10: learning to share
- Session 11: telling out story
- Session 12: congratulations!
But to get the most out of the course, do try to work through from start to finish without skipping any stages in between.
There are six Key Principles that have been identified as being crucial to a successful relationship. We'll be working through these principles one by one and today, we are starting with Principle One, which is all about understanding.
This session is a chunky one, so go at your own pace – simply carving out this time you'll be taking that first step to improving your relationship...
Knowing me, knowing you...
We all need to feel loved and loveable. An important bonus of being in a relationship is to have someone to love and support us.
Part of that is feeling that our partner knows us – who we REALLY are – and is interested in us.
And shock horror: our partner has the same needs.
Principle One is about understanding yourself and understanding your partner – really knowing each other.
This means keeping a place in our heads and hearts for our partners (nawwww!), an awareness of their everyday lives, what matters to them, the stresses they may be under, their strengths and vulnerabilities.
As well as helping to feel more satisfied in a relationship, knowing each other better helps us to be kinder and more forgiving.
And you might help find out some powerful stuff. Here's what someone who completed the course already found...
Simon noticed there was a pattern to the arguments he and his partner Jenny had just before he went away on business trips.
'It took me some time to work out why. As we talked I began to understand that because Jenny's dad left home when she was a child, whenever I was going away it brought back childhood fears, she felt insecure and clingy and I reacted badly to that.'
Simon made an effort to be particularly loving and reassuring before he went away on trips and Jenny gradually stopped picking arguments as she felt more understood and secure.
The BIG relationship quiz
Ready for a challenge?
Below are a set of nearly 50(!) questions. Trying to answer them will tell you how much you know about your partner.
If you don't have answers and your partner is game for joining in, then ask them to give you some clues.
Crucially, make it fun, it's not a test. The point is to recognise what you know and what you don't know and to help you to get to know each other better.
Don't feel you have to get through all the questions in one go (busy parents and all that!) Just make some time to work through a handful whenever you have chance.
You can get a printable worksheet of the questions or just jot the answers down in a notebook.
Ready? Good luck...
About your partner's family...
1. What is your partner's mother's maiden name?
2. When is your partner's mother's birthday?
3. Where was your partner's maternal grandmother (mother's mother) born?
4. Do your partner's parents have any religious beliefs?
5. How does your partner get on with their family?
- Very close
- They get on but lead their own lives
- Can be difficult at times
Personal details about your partner....
6. Name one of their closest friends.
7. Who do they turn to for support (other than you)?
8. Name one of their hobbies.
9. Have they ever had a serious illness?
10. When did you first meet and where?
11. Did they have a pet when they were growing up?
12. Do they have a secret ambition?
13. What was one of their worst childhood experiences?
14. What was one of their best childhood experiences?
15. What would they like to change about their life?
Their likes and dislikes...
16. Do they have a phobia about anything?
17. What irritates them most at work?
18. What is their favourite meal?
19. What food do they hate?
20. What country would they most like to visit?
21. What's their ideal holiday?
- Back to nature, camping in the wild
- Staying in a luxury hotel
- Visiting local places of interest and history
- Lying on a sunny beach all day and clubbing all night
- An activity holiday, like rafting, riding or walking
- A city holiday with a mix of shopping, culture and entertainment
22. Name one of their favourite novels/films.
23. What two songs mean something special to them and why?
24. Do they have a favourite newspaper/magazine?
25. What colour(s) do they like?
26. And dislike?
27. What is their favourite flower?
28. What TV programme would they try not to miss?
29. What do they most like to do with time off?
30. Name two people they admire.
31. Of all the people you both know, who do they like the least? Eeek!
Character quirks...
32. What do they like about you?
33. What would they like to change in you?
34. What really annoys them about you? (Don't get angry!)
35. What do they worry about?
36. If they're worried, do they:
- Keep it to himself/herself and not want to talk
- Tell other people
- Only tell you
- Not talk about it but show they are worried by being in a bad mood
- Need to be ‘prodded' but is relieved to have it drawn out
37. If they won a lot of money would they:
- Automatically share it with you
- Save it for a rainy day
- Blow it on something on impulse
- Spend some and save some
38. When bills come in do they:
- Pay them straight away
- Leave them to a certain time and pay them
- Leave them and often forget to pay them on time
- Pass them on to you to sort out
39. At a party someone tries to chat you up; what would your partner's reaction be?
- Troubled and angry
- They'd notice it but would be cool about it
- Wouldn't mind, they'd find it flattering and amusing
Beliefs and attitudes...
40. How did your partner vote in the last General Election?
41. Do they believe in God?
42. In the case of serious illness, would they want to be kept alive at all costs?
43. In the event of sudden death, would they like to donate organs?
44. What's their attitude to life?
- Happy-go-lucky, takes life as it comes
- A planner
- Someone with ambitions for the future but who is open to what comes up
- Someone who worries about the future and prepares for the worst
45. Are traditions/rituals important to them?
46. What does your partner think about dividing domestic tasks?
- Share equally
- Each does what they are best at
- Each does what they are available for (eg first person home cooks)
- Couple should follow traditional roles
- Nothing fixed but must be fair to both partners
47. What are they hoping the future will bring?
48. What would your partner like to do when they retire?
49. How important to your partner is...
(Rate importance as: Very, Fairly, Not very, or Not at all)
- Going out regularly
- Having their own friends
- Having time to themselves
- Talking together regularly
- Saying ‘I love you'
- Inviting people home
- Keeping the peace
- Getting their own way
- Honesty
- Keeping promises
Well done, you got to the end!
Did you know many of the answers already? Were you surprised by how many you knew? Or how much you didn't know? Did you learn anything?
Remember, you can't pass or fail –the questions are just designed to get you thinking.
A recap on today's tasks:
- Read the questions and answer as many as you can
- Ask your partner to help you with the ones you don't know
- Ask your partner if they would like to try the questions about you
It can really help to know you're not the only one that feels their relationship is rocky (despite what all the #couplegoals Facebook posts might have you believe). So check out our Better Together Relationships Course chat forum below to find out how others are getting on with the course and share relationship woes/wins...
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