Mum sparks consent debate after banning grandparents from hugging baby daughter

Brittany Baxter believes asking for consent before a hug or kiss is an important part of setting body boundaries, but not everyone agrees

A mum has divided opinion after revealing she's fallen out with her daughter's grandparents after banning them from hugging and kissing her, without her consent.

Brittany Baxter doesn't allow anyone – herself included – to hug or kiss her 1-year-old daughter until they've asked her permission and they've said yes.

Keen to teach her daughter about consent from a young age, the mum says it's important to normalise the discussion around consent for little ones and has practiced this 'since the day she was born.'

However she admits it's led to arguments with her daughter's grandparents, who she says don't understand why they need to ask the little girl for permission before being affectionate.

• Two UK schools ban hugging and holding hands

Normalising consent

The method, one which has been praised by several families online, is intended to teach children how to set boundaries.

Brittany says it also helps ensure her daughter's wishes are respected.

But the mum sparked a debate when she took to TikTok to discuss her rules.

'As a parent I practise consent with my daughter and something's really been bothering me lately,' Brittany began.

'Can we please start normalising the fact that kids do not have to kiss in front of adults?

'I've been teaching her since the day she was born'

'My daughter's almost 2 years old and I've been in the process of teaching her consent basically since the day that she's been born, and I find it really f**king unhelpful when the adults in her life are like "What?! We have to ask for a kiss and a hug?", even though I've explained why multiple times.'

Brittany then added that when grandparents or other family members are then told no by her daughter, they take offence and don't respect her daughter's boundaries anyway.

She added: 'And then when she says no, they're like "Oh she doesn't love me my feelings are so hurt" and then they proceed to overstep her body boundaries anyway.'

Brittany also had an important message to her daughter and other young people, saying that her daughter and her body 'do not exist to make anyone feel more comfortable and to make anyone feel more loved'.

She added that it was neither her or her daughter's fault that many grandparents do not take consent as seriously as they should.

'Grandparents, do better'

Brittany explained: 'It is not her fault and it's not my fault that the older generation haven't taken the time throughout their entire lives to learn how to regulate their emotions so consent doesn't continue to be overlooked.

'No one's feelings are ever going to be more important than my daughter's right to her own body and I'm sure as s**t not going to allow her to grow up in an environment where 1. She doesn't know how to say no, and 2. She doesn't know what it looks like for her no to be respected.'

Brittany finished her video with: 'Grandparents do better.'

'It's a constant fight'

Many were in agreement with Brittany, and had their own say on the social media platform:

'Seriously agree with all this,' said one. 'Nothing to add. It's perfect.'

Meanwhile, a second wrote: 'I hate it when people do that. It's a constant fight for her bodily autonomy.'

'Yes. Boom. Thank you,' wrote a third.

'It's natural for a child to hug their grandparents'

But others were more critical, explaining that they thought it was normal to hug your grandparents.

One took to the comments section to write: 'It's natural for a child to hug their grandparents. Yes, they don't have to but no one forces this situation. She will grow up emotionless.'

And a second wrote: 'I encourage my 21-month-old to bond (emotional and physical warmth) with my parents .... and she is so connected to them. I really don't get your anger.'

Another argued that it was 'proper etiquette' to greet your family at gatherings, adding that it was 'manners' to say hello and greet grandparents.

'Stand firm in your boundary'

In a further video update, Brittany shared some helpful tips for parents wishing to teach consent and how to confront the issue with family members who don't agree.

She said: 'You do not have to sacrifice your boundaries or the boundaries that you hold for your children in order to ease the discomfort of others.

'Their discomfort is theirs to navigate and theirs to navigate alone.'

Instead, she advised trying to diffuse the confrontation by trying to meet them where they're at and explaining that you see it's hard for them to ask grandchildren for their consent to kiss or hug them, as well as to acknowledge their feelings.

'But what you do have to do,' Brittany added, 'is still stand firm in your boundary and you can say something like, "but we as a family practice consent, and we would really appreciate it if you get on board".

'Confrontation will only become easy to deal with when you practice standing firm.'

And though the video is 2 years old, it's recently resurfaced as her lesson continues to resonate with parents who have this week recirculated her viral video.

Chat with other parents in our Forum below.

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