Anger in teenagers: why it happens and what to do about it
Dan Collins
WriterWhy is your teenager angry, and what can you do to help? Find out what you need to know about anger in teens, and who you can call if you need support.
Helping a teenager handle their emotions is one of the trickiest challenges a parent will ever encounter, and when violence or aggression are common responses it can be hard for parents to know what to do.
Physical or emotional abuse can have a severely detrimental impact on the family unit, as well as the relationships within it, so it's vital to learn how to manage anger and to get help if you're struggling to cope with an angry or violent teenager.
If violent or aggressive behaviour is making your family life turbulent, unpredictable and fearful, it can be really useful to find practical help and to know that you're not alone: many other parents are going through the same teenage issues.
Below we take a look at what can cause anger in teens, what you can do to support them through it, as well as a range of support options for you to help further information and guidance to help you and your teen.
Why is my teenager so angry?
It’s true that aggression of any sort can sometimes be fuelled by exposure to verbal or physical violence, either within the home or possibly via the media. It can also be associated with certain underlying physical or mental illnesses.
Drugs, alcohol or bullying can also play a part for some families.
However, even if none of these factors apply to your situation, your teen will likely be struggling to cope with powerful emotions, and changes to their life or body.
Puberty can bring massive mood swings and confusion by itself, but it also coincides with the need to make huge decisions regarding career paths, education and lifestyle choices.
Teens have a large number of pressures on them these days, emotional, mental, physical and educational. It also doesn't help that their brains literally work in a different way to those of adults, which can make it even harder for them to feel like they are being understood.
How can I help my angry teen?
A couple of positive ways to help avoid frustration building up are talking to your children as early as possible about managing their emotions and how to manage anger, and making yourself approachable and available to listen to them.
Looking honestly at how we ourselves deal with anger may also be necessary. Are our children mirroring the way we vent our anger, and are we leading by example? Finding the root of aggression may not be easy, especially if broaching the subject could result in an outburst.
Having a friend, relative, teacher or school counsellor with you, or speaking on your behalf, might be the way forward in this situation if things are particularly difficult. Writing a carefully worded letter is another option.
Teenagers sometimes respond positively if they think you can see things as they do, so let them know you understand this is unpleasant for them too and that you want to help. It’s important to realise it’s not wrong to feel angry at times, but there are healthy ways of expressing it.
Encourage your teen to explore what goes through their mind when they start feeling agitated. Are there emotional or situational triggers such as playing computer games, using alcohol or drugs, or dealing with family and relationship tensions?
Ask them to try to recognise the physical effects as well. Does their temperature rise, muscles tighten, or heart rate increase? If they can start to recognise these signs, they may start to identify that they are about to lose control.
Taking some deep breaths, counting to ten, going for a walk, and taking time out to calm down are all things for them to consider at this point. Regular exercise, a healthy diet and dealing promptly with unresolved issues can help too.
How can I deal with violent outbursts?
When an outburst does occur, ensure your own and any other family members’ personal safety, and think carefully about other small children who may be in the household too.
Remove yourself if you have to and phone or call for help if necessary. Sometimes the aggression is more than just anger and what comes with it - it can be violent and scary and you may need to consider calling the police if you and your other children are caught in the middle of it.
When it’s safe for you or someone else to talk to your teen, try to stay calm and let them know that aggressive behaviour is unacceptable but you will do all you can to help them overcome it.
Seek guidance from your GP and investigate what local support might be available for you, your teen and other family members if necessary.
Getting expert help and support for teenage issues
Asking for help may not be an easy step to take, but living under the cloud of abuse from your teen is difficult too. With guidance, it is possible to alter established behaviour, as well as develop healthier responses to conflict when it does arise.
The NHS provides information and support via their children and young people's mental health services.
The charity Family Lives provides support and advice for parents on a variety of subjects including teenage aggression through its dedicated website.
You could also contact stem4, a charity which provides mental health guidance for teens' parents, as well as a range of apps to help with various conditions.
Young Minds can also support families and aim to improve the mental and emotional health of all young people.
Sometimes outbursts of anger might be a symptom of depression. You can find out more about how to help your teen's depression with the Parents Guide to Teen Depression from The Charlie Waller Trust, another charity devoted to young people's mental health.
For more information to help you to support your teen's emotions and mental well-being, take a look at the stories below, or head over to our Forum to ask for tips and share advice with other parents.
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