Is my toddler ready to potty train?

Potty training is one of those things that can be a breeze if you time it right – and a blinkin’ nightmare if you get it wrong.

And with some mums regaling us with tales of ‘wonderkids’ who were dry at 11 months, it’s no surprise that many of us feel the need to crack on.

But every child is different, and for every baby who’s dry before they can toddle, there’s a stubborn three-year-old who seems intent on never ditching the nappies.

So how will you know if your child is ready to potty train?

At what age are children ready for potty training?

This is one of those ‘how long is a piece of string?’ questions.

But according to the NHS, by the age of one, most babies have stopped pooing overnight: one of the first signs that they’re developing some control of their bodily functions.

By two, some will be dry during the day, although this is still on the early side.

By three, nine out of 10 kids have got toilet training more or less cracked, although occasional accidents are to be expected at this age and beyond.

The children's continence charity ERIC says that most children are ready to be potty trained between 18 months and three years – a pretty big window.

But 15% of children aren’t out of nappies by the time they’re three, and 4% don’t get the hang of potty training until they’re four.

Spotting the signs of readiness

Potty training isn’t something you can force, and if you try to do it before your child is developmentally ready, it can be a long, frustrating and ultimately unsuccessful process.

Sure, you might catch the majority of wees by putting your toddler on the potty every half hour, but until they can recognise the signs that they need to go by themselves, and tell you about it with enough time to act, it’s probably too early to attempt to toilet train.

There are a number of signs that suggest your child might be ready to potty train:

• They can tell you (with actions or words) when their nappy is wet or dirty.
• They know when they're weeing, and can tell you that they're doing it.
• Their nappy stays clean and dry for at least an hour between changes: a sign that bladder capacity is improving.
• They show signs when they need to wee or poo, such as fidgeting, going very still, or hiding.
• They can tell you before they’re about to wee or poo.

These signs tend to develop in stages, and if you can wait until the final stage before potty training, it’s likely to be easier.

According to ERIC, it’s also important that your child is physically ready, and able to get themselves to the potty, sit down and stand up when finished.

If you’re thinking of giving toilet training a try, it’s a good idea to keep a record of when your child wees or poos for a few days.

If they can stay dry for a stretch of an hour or two, and if they poo at a regular time, they may well be ready.

Preparing your child to potty train

Whether you’re keen to get going with potty training or absolutely dreading it, putting in some groundwork first will ensure the idea of weeing or pooing on the potty or toilet isn’t a completely foreign concept to your child.

When you change their nappy, talk about what you’re doing. Use words like ‘wet’ and ‘dirty’, ‘wee’ and ‘poo’ to familiarise them with the language of potty training.

Keep the nappies and wipes in the bathroom and change your child in there (if your bathroom's big enough!) so they start to recognise that it’s where they need to go for a wee or poo.

Encourage them to pull their trousers up afterwards, and wash their hands: rituals they need to get used to.

Swallow your dignity and let them see you, your partner and older siblings using the loo so they can see what they need to do.

You can also demonstrate by sitting a teddy or doll on the potty and talking about what it's ‘doing’.

Leave a potty somewhere accessible, such as in a downstairs toilet, and see if your child is happy to sit on it for a moment when you change their nappy and before bathtime.

There are also lots of great picture books about potty training that you can read together, like Princess Polly’s Potty/Pirate Pete’s Potty by Andrea Pinnington, and I Want My Potty! by Tony Ross.

When potty training doesn’t go to plan

So you thought your child was showing all the signs of being ready for toilet training, but you're still having way more misses than hits. What should you do?

The first step is to make sure you’re giving plenty of praise and encouragement.

Often, we’re great at piling on the praise at first, but as time passes, we become more matter of fact, and our kids lose the incentive to perform on the potty.

A reward system, such as a star chart, can be a great help, but make sure it feels achievable by rewarding your child well for using the potty and for letting you know they need to go, rather than for being clean and dry.

Be consistent, and try not to keep switching between pants and nappies or pull-ups, as your child may end up confused about where and when they’re allowed to wee or poo.

This may mean staying at home for a few days, so they can wear underwear all day without risking accidents in public.

Establish regular times for your child to sit on the potty or toilet, such as before and after meals, before leaving the house and when you come back again, and before bath or bedtime.

Above all, be patient. Some children potty train easily, but others take weeks or months.

But if you or your child are getting stressed, there’s no harm in going back to nappies and trying again in a month or so.

A bit more time sometimes makes all the difference.

Late trainers

Some children reach three, or even four, years old without ever seeming ready to potty train.

Sometimes, there’s an underlying medical reason why they’re not yet dry or clean.

For example, children who are constipated may struggle to be dry during the day, because their full bowel presses on their bladder and makes it overflow.

Some simply don't drink enough, which means the sphincters that control the opening of the bladder don’t get enough exercise and become less efficient at ‘holding on’.

And some just need a lot more encouragement than others to ditch the nappies.

If you’re concerned, talk to your health visitor or GP, who can help you establish if there’s a physical issue. But rest assured that although it can be a long and difficult process, the vast majority of kids are reliably dry by the age of four.

What about night-time dryness?

Being toilet trained in the day and dry at night are two separate processes, and most kids get daytimes sorted before they crack night-times.

If your child has been reliably dry in the day for some time, or sometimes wakes in the morning or from naps with a dry nappy, they might be ready to try going without a nappy at night.

Protect the bed using waterproof sheets or mattress protectors, and make sure your child has a last wee before you tuck them in at night.

Keep a nightlight on in the bedroom, and a potty near the bed.

Ultimately, though, you can’t force a child to be dry at night, even if you ‘lift’ them for a wee before you go to bed.

Their body needs to produce a chemical called vasopressin, which reduces the kidneys’ output of wee at night, and different children reach this stage at different ages.

If you’ve been trying to night-time train for two or three weeks, they may just not be ready yet, so give yourself a break (and a better night’s sleep) and try again in a couple of months.