How to cope with cost of living anxiety for parents

Is the cost of living crisis causing you financial anxiety? Money stress can affect parents – and children. Our Cost of Living survey reveals how money problems affect our moods, how to cope with cost of living stress and tips to lessen money anxiety.

It’s normal to feel stressed about money, and unfortunately during this cost of living crisis, it can be the new everyday normal. But if you can’t seem to stop thinking about bills, and money stress is taking over your life, you could be experiencing ‘financial anxiety’. That's the emotional response to concerns about money and it's a real phenomenon, according to the health site Healthline.

‘Parents are feeling the squeeze,’ says Ashley Duncan from the Netmums Parent Support Service team. 'Many are anxious about how to make ends meet as prices for things like food, petrol, and energy rise.’  (The Netmums expert Parent Support team provides daily advice, support and referrals on our Forum – all completely free. You can access their services in the Netmums Drop-in Clinic.)

‘As Parent Supporters, we’ve seen an increase in parents seeking support for worries about money and the increasing cost of living’, Ashley says. 'Parents are also expressing stress and anxiety about finding affordable child care to allow them to work'.

If this sounds like you, take comfort in knowing that you are definitely not alone! According to the Netmums survey of 1,345 UK parents, 70% of you feel your mental health has been impacted by the cost of living crisis. So while we're all dealing with soaring energy bills, higher food costs and petrol prices that could bleed us dry, we're also potentially coping with money anxiety.

Don't worry though...

We’ve got suggestions for dealing with the emotional fallout of the cost of living crisis – and even fun ways to educate your family about money (yes, really!)

Scroll down for tips on how to fight the effects of money stress, plus clever ideas that’ll help your kids understand what’s going on at home and contribute in a positive way.

Do you have financial anxiety?

Financial stress can change the way you deal with things, including the way you think and behave.

Financial anxiety is very common and doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a serious mental health condition like depression or an anxiety disorder.

According to Healthline, ‘Financial anxiety stems from an uncertainty of what the future holds. It’s a fear of not having the resources available to meet your needs or face challenges that lie ahead.’

Signs you may be experiencing financial anxiety or money stress:

• You're avoiding bills – Are you putting off opening your mail? Can't bear to think about what you owe? Avoidance is a sign that you're on overload.
• You have no work-life balance – Are you doing too much overtime or juggling jobs in a way that leaves you no downtime?
• You get analysis paralysis – Do you find it difficult to make small financial decisions? The hormones related to stress and anxiety actually reduce the brain's ability to do high-level thinking, according to Psychology Today. The result: You might struggle to make even simple decisions.
• You develop aches, pains and more – It's not just in your head: Thinking about your finances can give you headaches, backaches, stomach problems, sexual issues and a host of other ailments, according to the NHS.
• You have a newfound inflexible attitude – This shows up as a tendency to get upset if you have to make even minor adjustments to your budget.
• You have trouble sleeping – Lying awake at night, having troubled sleep or waking early can occur when your brain can't switch off from money worries, whether that's affording something today or planning for the future.

If you’re nodding your head emphatically to everything on the list, don’t panic! Knowledge is power. Now that you know what you’re dealing with, we can help you face your financial anxiety head-on.

How money stress affects us

The cost of living crisis can create a real strain on your mental wellbeing. Vicky Reynal, a psychotherapist specialising in money issues, spoke with Netmums about how money stress can affect us.

Stress can make you depressed: 'Money stress can cause mental health problems or exacerbate existing ones. Stress may turn into anxiety or even depression,' she says.

Your body might be telling you something: Vicky explains that money stress – like all kinds of stress – can affect both mental and physical health. 'Your body might express that you are stressed about money before your mind has acknowledged it consciously. It is actually the physical signs of stress that may alert us to an emotional struggle – loss of appetite, insomnia, muscle tension, constipation, headaches can be clues that we might need to attend to our thoughts and feelings.'

To reduce stress, acknowledge it: By understanding how financial anxiety affects mental and physical health, you can reduce money stress. You'll not only feel better; you'll be better equipped to handle your budget challenges.

(If you struggle with a mental health condition, read more about the link between mental health and money from Mind. The charity has additional information about feelings associated with money, money and mood patterns, and overspending when you're unwell.)

How money stress affects kids and families

The impact of the cost of living crisis is having a big impact on our family lives.

Netmums' expert Parent Supporters are seeing how money stress can impact families in different ways. They have pointed out how ‘it can impact relationships, causing arguments between partners.’

Tension in the family home always has a knock-on effect, and unfortunately children usually get the fallout.

Our experts say, ‘Adults and children who are anxious are more likely to be irritable, to have difficulty sleeping, and to experience physical aches and pains like headaches, tummy ache, and may feel tight chested or breathless if they have a panic attack.’

How to fight the effects of money-stress on your family

It's scary to deal with your own worries and your children's anxieties about money on top of a squeezed budget.

'Feeling safe is a basic human need. Not having money for our basic needs attacks a very profound fear in all of us, one that is evolutionarily hard-wired. Our safety being at risk can be traumatising. Living might feel like a daily struggle. A life that feels more like survival than existence can bring people to a dark place in their minds, to places of stuck-ness and hopelessness', says psychologist Vicky Reynal.

Here are three ways you can support your family during this stressful time:

1. Connect with your loved ones

It's important to keep an eye on the vulnerable members of your family and check in with them.

Take some time to observe how everyone in the household is feeling: Any unexplained tummy aches from the little ones after lights out?

It's not just the kids that need your attention either: Is your other half keeping you up all night tossing and turning?

Three things you can do to support your kids right now:

1. Talk to your them. Kids often see more than we think they do. encourage them to share their concerns and fears and reassure them.
2. Be honest about what's coming down the road. You can tell kids that prices are going up and that means you might be trying new recipes or finding fun things to do at home rather than going out.
3. Spend quality time. Remember that one of the most important things to your children is spending time with you.

Don't worry, quality family time doesn't have to mean spending money.

Some cost-free quality time ideas:

• a picnic in the garden
• a movie night with a fakeaway in front of the telly
• extra stories at bedtime with the whole family taking part

It's important to let our kids know that it's always possible to have fun and be happy, even when times are hard or purse strings are tight.

2. Don't neglect family celebrations

Whether it's a birthday, anniversary or other regular family ritual, celebrations are important for families.

You might worry about letting your family down if you can't push the boat out like you have in years past. Find a modified version that works for your family and your budget!

If your kids have a birthday coming up and they know the family is stressed about money, they might be worrying about not having a party. We have some great tips on how to do birthdays on a budget.

3. Try to avoid bad habits – for yourself and your kids

Our experts aren’t shy about acknowledging how bad things could get. They say, ‘‘When anxiety is very severe, some adults and children may use unhealthy behaviours as a way to try to cope, for example smoking, drinking, using illegal drugs, over-eating, or self-harming.’

Be aware…

The American Psychological Association says, 'Stress in young people doesn’t always look like stress in adults.' They also say that eating changes are one of the things to look out for, as well as changes in behaviour.

Be firm with behaviour such as staying out late, being on their phone more than usual or acting out.

Keep a close eye on older children. If they have access to their own money, be aware that comfort-eating could lead to more serious mental health problems like eating disorders and substance abuse.

How can parents manage anxiety about the cost of living?

The most important thing if money fears are taking over your life: Don't suffer in silence! Isolation feeds anxiety. Problems don’t just go away, they get bigger.

Although it can feel hard – even shameful – to tell others you're struggling, talking about money worries can be so helpful, says the Netmums' expert Parent Supporters team. 'Struggling with money isn't something to be ashamed of - many people are finding things extremely hard right now,’ Ashley says.

As well as being able to talk to your loved ones about money, there are other ways you can look after your mental wellbeing…

1. Practice self-care

Looking after your own mental health and wellbeing is a top-priority when it comes to being strong for your family.

Netmums Parent Supporter Ashley offers some effective proactive tips to help you clear your head of all-consuming money-stress so that you can get on with being the glue that holds your family together:

• Go for a walk in nature
• Use free meditation videos (available on the internet)
• Practice breathing and mindfulness techniques

Whatever you do, it doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. ‘Prioritising self-care is an important part of staying emotionally healthy in times of stress,' she says.

Here are some more ideas to help you prioritise your downtime:

• schedule in a long soak in a hot bath – don't forget soothing candles and music
• practice healthy escapism with a good book in the evenings before bed
• make time for brunches with friends – it's a great chance to catch up and offload

2. Don't forget to keep talking!

It's no secret that effective communication is the key to solving problems and relieving stress.

Talking can also benefit the younger members of your family who are just as sensitive to the changes that are happening, and can also experience stress and anxiety.

BBC has some great mindfulness exercises for kids and you can also check out our own fun and easy mindfulness activities for kids.

And keep talking with your children – about how they're feeling, what they're worried about, even if they feel they are 'missing out'. By knowing you understand, even if you can't do anything about it right now, they will feel more supported.

3. Find out what financial help you are entitled to

Another important way of managing your financial anxiety is to make sure you’re claiming any extra money or support you’re entitled to.

This may be:

• help towards your living costs, housing and child benefits
• financial support relating to a mental health disorder or disability
• food banks, coupons or vouchers

Kerry McLeod, Head of Information Content at mental health charity Mind, says: 'For many of us with mental health problems, it can feel like the whole benefits system isn’t designed to meet our needs. But it’s important to know that benefits are there to support you, and you have a right to claim them if you’re struggling to manage or just need that bit extra. Mind’s website has advice and guidance on claiming benefits.'

4. Know when to get help for more severe anxiety

Sometimes talking to family and practicing self-care isn’t enough.

Parent Supporter Ashley says, ‘If your anxiety is impacting your life in a significant way, you can self-refer for talking therapy on the NHS if you're in England or talk to your GP about other types of support that could be available to you.’ 

Resources

• Visit our Netmums’ Drop-In Clinic and Parent Supporter Service
• Get a FREE Mental Health and Debt Guide from Money Saving Expert
• Find out about Mental Health UK's Financial Advice Service
• Get free advice and support from the Mental Health Charity Mind
• Read more from Vicky Reynal. a psychotherapist specialising in money issues
• Find out more from Step Change about talking to your kids about money
• More advice and resources for Families in Crisis - how to get help

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