How gambling affects families and where to get help

Many people enjoy an occasional flutter from time to time. But when gambling becomes a problem, it can have serious effects on the rest of the family. Here's how to recognise if you or your loved one has an issue, and where to get help.

There are many forms of gambling, from buying a lottery ticket or playing online bingo to signing up for a high-stakes poker game. And the modern world offers more opportunities for gambling than ever before, with thousands of websites and apps designed to encourage you to part with your hard-earned cash.

For many people, gambling every now and then is just a bit of fun, and does no harm beyond the loss of a few quid. But for some, gambling can turn into a crippling addiction that can tear families apart..

We've looked into the research from gambling experts GamCare, the NHS and other experts, to find out how gambling affects families, and where to get help if you or a loved one is struggling with gambling addiction.

How does problem gambling affect families?

Gambling addiction can happen to anyone; rich or poor, old or young, male or female. It can be only too easy for a harmless habit to turn into an all-consuming addiction, which has wide-reaching effects on friends, family and loved ones.

When people think about gambling, they often think about the financial toll that it can take on individuals and families. But it can also have a huge emotional effect on both the gambler and the people around them. Let's look at each of these in turn...

Financial effects

It's no great secret that most gamblers end up losing more money than they make. Otherwise, casinos, bookmakers, lotteries and the like would all go out of business!

It's surprising how quickly problem gambling can lead to serious debt problems. It might start with just dipping into savings or missing a bill or two, but can quickly mount up until all your credit cards are maxed out and you're starting to take out loans.

Loans can seem like an appealing solution to a problem gambler – after all, when you win, you can pay them back right? But when that big win doesn't come, problem gamblers can find themselves in financial dire straits.

In many cases, the loved ones of a problem gambler won't even find out that their family finances are in trouble until something drastic happens, such as ending up in court, or losing their home.

Over time, problem gamblers may feel like they need to bet higher and higher amounts to get the same 'high' they once experienced from gambling, and this can make financial problems even worse.

Emotional effects

Of course, the stress of financial worries can have a huge impact on the mental health of everyone in the family. This can lead to huge resentment against the problem gambler, which can often result in the complete break-up of relationships.

But it's not just the financial strain that puts relationships at risk. If the problem gambler is spending all their time on their phone, laptop or at the betting shop, friends and family may feel neglected.

Many problem gamblers also end up lying or breaking promises to their loved ones; destroying hard-earned trust that can take a long time to rebuild. Even if loved ones don't know about the gambling, missed social events or constant time spent staring at a screen can put a strain on relationships.

Worse still, a parent who's addicted to checking on their sports bets or playing bingo online may find it difficult to be present and engaged with their kids. This can have a serious impact on children's mental health, which can last well into adulthood.

Not to mention that the break-up of relationships due to problem gambling can also have lifelong effects on a child.

One widely-cited study found that children of problem gamblers are more likely to:

• feel unhappy or even attempt suicide
• drink, smoke, overeat, or gamble themselves
• have problems at school and work
• get into legal trouble

The good news is that, the sooner you get help for problem gambling, the less impact it's likely to have on the whole family.

What Netmums say

Sadly, family breakdown due to gambling is only too common in the Netmums forum. Here are a few quotes from real families dealing with problem gambling:

'I'm in debt up to my eyeballs after bailing him out so often and all my savings are gone. I really don't know where to turn. I love him but I don't think it's enough anymore. I'm at the point I want him to just go, but that throws up more questions.'

- Sarah G

'The only winners are the betting shop!..it ruins ppls relationships n lives it did mine with my ex as he gambled his whole wages. We had a child but had no regard to her or me or keeping our heads above water. I'm so glad i got out of that poisonous relationship'

- Denise O

'He's always liked a flutter and in 2016 he actually won over £130,000 which changed our lives forever ... Little did I know that this was somewhat of a poisoned chalice. During lockdown he broke down to me and said got quite ill with stress when he revealed he had got himself into 10s of thousands of pounds worth of debt ... I am terrified of the future and I am suffering greatly with anxiety. I must admit that it's kind of making me fall out of love with him as it just seems very selfish.'

- Lizzie F

'He stole money from the kids, from me, from doing sponsored events and pocketing half the cash. Once we split he just got himself another enabler and is now doing the same to her.'

- Teresa R

'My husband took his own life 3 months ago. When I went through his phone, I discovered that he had been gambling (a lot) and had got loans to pay for his addiction. He had only been gambling a few months - since he was furloughed - but it got hold of him enough for him to completely lose control and unfortunately do what is the worst mistake he ever made.'

- Anon

When does gambling become a problem?

Do you think you or your loved one may have a problem with gambling? The NHS offers the following questionnaire to help you check.

Answer each question with 'never', 'sometimes', 'most of the time' or 'nearly always' – make a note of how many times you give each answer.

1. Do you bet more than you can afford to lose?
2. Do you need to gamble with larger amounts of money to get the same feeling?
3. Have you tried to win back money you have lost (chasing losses)?
4. Have you borrowed money or sold anything to get money to gamble?
5. Have you wondered whether you have a problem with gambling?
6. Has your gambling caused you any health problems, including feelings of stress or anxiety?
7. Have other people criticised your betting or told you that you had a gambling problem (regardless of whether or not you thought it was true)?
8. Has your gambling caused any financial problems for you or your household?
9. Have you ever felt guilty about the way you gamble or what happens when you gamble?

Now for the scores. Give yourself the following points, based on your answers:

• Score 0 for each time you answer 'never'
• Score 1 for each time you answer 'sometimes'
• Score 2 for each time you answer 'most of the time'
• Score 3 for each time you answer 'almost always'

If your total score is 8 or higher, you may be a problem gambler.

Where to get help for problem gambling

If you're worried that gambling is just starting to become a problem, there are some great self-help tips for ways to manage it yourself.

However, gambling can become a real addiction that can be hard to break free from. If you or a loved one is struggling with gambling, we'll show you how to find expert support. There's plenty of help available for families of problem gamblers, too.

Self-help tips

If you're concerned that you might be starting to develop a problem with gambling, the NHS recommends:

Do:

• pay important bills, such as your mortgage, on payday before you gamble
• spend more time with family and friends who do not gamble
• deal with your debts rather than ignoring them – visit the National Debtline for tips

Don't:

• view gambling as a way to make money – try to see it as entertainment instead
• bottle up your worries about your gambling – talk to someone
• take credit cards with you when you go gambling

If you struggle to follow these tips, you might want to try the following self-help tools, too:

• Install Gamban blocking software – this prevents you from accessing betting websites and apps, and is free for UK residents.
• Check out the GamCare self-help workbook – free downloadable worksheets to help you change your relationship with gambling
• Take the GameChange Course – a free eight-week online course designed to help you reflect on your gambling issues and adopt healthier behaviours

Expert support for problem gamblers

There are so many free resources online to help with gambling addiction; you don't have to face this alone. Research shows that getting the right help can dramatically improve your chances of getting your gambling under control and minimising the harm done to your family, so it's always a good idea to reach out.

GamCare

Free advice and support on any issues to do with gambling, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

• Call the National Gambling Helpline free on 0808 8020 133
• Chat via Whatsapp on 020 3031 8881
• Use the live web chat on the GamCare website

National Problem Gambling Clinic

Expert help and support for gamblers who are aged over 13, live in England or Wales, and have been gambling for some time, or are experiencing harm from gambling

Visit the National Problem Gambling Website to see if you're eligible for their services, and get information on how to refer yourself.

Gordon Moody

Unique treatment programmes for those suffering from gambling harm, including residential treatment.

• Learn more at gordonmoody.org.uk
• Email help@gordonmoody.org.uk
• Call 01384 241292

Gamblers Anonymous (GA)

Works in the same way as alcoholics anonymous, providing support and meetups across the UK for those affected by Gambling.

• Find your nearest meeting on the GA website
• Email info@gamblersanonymous.org.uk
• Call 0330 094 0322

Expert support for families

GamCare

Free advice and support for anyone affected by gambling, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

• Call the National Gambling Helpline free on 0808 8020 133
• Chat via Whatsapp on 020 3031 8881
• Use the live web chat on the GamCare website

Gordon Moody

Online weekly meetings for family members, partners and friends of problem gamblers.

• Learn more at the Gordon Moody website
• Email help@gordonmoody.org.uk
• Call 01384 241292 

GamAnon UK & Ireland

In-person meetings for anyone who's been affected by a loved one's gambling problem, run by Gamblers Anonymous.

• Find your nearest meeting on the GamAnon website

Have you or someone you love been affected by gambling?

Visit the Netmums forum for plenty of helpful, non-judgemental support. The following areas might be particularly helpful:

• Alcohol, drugs, smoking and other addictions
• Money and budgeting
• Unhealthy relationships (part of our Drop-In Clinic, where you can get free expert advice as well as peer support)