Opinions please - WWYD? Child/ex related
12 answers /
Last post: 15/02/2024 at 8:33 am
Can I get your opinions please.
I have been separated from my soon to be 9 year old daughters dad since just before her birth.
Not amicable, court order for access.
I've now been with my lovely partner for 2 years. He has twin 10yr old girls with his ex.
He met my daughter after 9 months. She really likes him, much to her dad's disgust.
We would consider moving in together if things carry on as they have been, daughter strongly for this happening. They get on great. Not basing this on her wanting it to happen by the way, it'd be if and when it was right.
He started staying over one night a week after the first year, regularly here spending time with my daughter and I when he's off shift, parks and meals out together etc.
My dilemma is, we want to go away together over Easter, the 3 of us, on a seafront hotel type holiday for my daughter's birthday.
If it was a butlins chalet with each of us having a bedroom, it'd be ok, but has anyone stayed in a family room in a hotel in this scenario?
Would my ex have grounds to say I'm a bad mother or it's inappropriate being in the same room etc etc? We can't afford to double up on rooms.
I ask because my ex is always trying to stop me from doing anything with my life and thinks he owns me still, it was an abusive relationship.
I don't know if it's too soon for this or am I over thinking it because I'm always trying to avoid confrontations from my ex?
Bump
It would be more appropriate for her to be with you in a family room. He will complain whatever you do, but there is a time to accept a reasonable complaint and a time to not. If she had a seperated room, he'd probably complain then too. Family rooms are meant for this so you aren't doing anything wrong. I think his years of control have made you second guess too much so try and make this the first of many issues where you put your daughter first and forget his tantrums.
It would be more appropriate for her to be with you in a family room. He will complain whatever you do, but there is a time to accept a reasonable complaint and a time to not. If she had a seperated room, he'd probably complain then too. Family rooms are meant for this so you aren't doing anything wrong. I think his years of control have made you second guess too much so try and make this the first of many issues where you put your daughter first and forget his tantrums.
Hi, thank you for your reply.
When I said I can't afford a separate room, I meant for my partner, in case my ex says that it's wrong for the 3 of us to be in the same room together.
Definitely not for my daughter to sleep in alone.
Yes you are correct, I spend all of my time 2nd guessing and I really need to stop that.
It is very exhausting.
A family room in theory would be safer as she is vulnerable in her own room while you slept. Aslong as she has a separate bed I don't see the issue.
Been in that kinda relationship to the point I felt I couldn't even take my child to see my own family. They make you second guess everything you do and alter your perception, even after leaving the relationship, it's like decisions or things you do, you know they wouldn't like or agree with. You have a choice to either do them anyway or live your life around your ex. As long as what you're doing is safe and in the best interests of your daughter. In this case, you absolutely are doing nothing wrong. Most family's use family rooms for holidays, I have many times with my partner who isn't my 2 eldest children's father. That's what they are made for and much more cost effective for families to go away. Don't listen to anything he may say, try and let it go over your head and realise he is the one who is not right and just trying to gain control. Even if he tried to use it later or bring it up as an issue in court or whatever form, he wouldn't have a leg to stand on. He'd just be seen as a disgruntled ex, who clearly has an issue with his ex partner and daughter being in a happy stable place, which shows the sort of person that he is. Try and enjoy your new relationship, take it at your pace and work on changing your mindset when it comes to your ex (I know its hard, I'm still in the process, but I've come to realise just how delusional and confrontational mine is). If he is really having that bad of an effect on you, look at getting some legal advice or support to see what help you can get from his behaviour and how to stop it. Enjoy your holiday away and again there is literally nothing to worry about, you've been doing all the right things so far x
I would take her away with your partner get a family room and then when he moans about it just ignore him and tell him that he has no rights dictating what you do. You haven't been with him for ages. You are allowed to have a partner, come on it's been two years you have been with him. You shouldn't be worried what your ex says and thinks.
Tell him to do one!! The family room is appropriate you can either share the bed with your daughter and your partner have the other bed or your daughter have one bed and you and your partner the other either way is fine go away and enjoy yourself xx
Don’t tell him you’re going away, if it falls on his days then that’s different. He doesn’t get to tell you where you can stay, and you don’t even answer his questions about it. He can ask your child if she had a nice time, but otherwise keep the contact strictly about appointments, school, or drop offs/pick ups.
I agree with what Kayleigh said. As long as its on your time with your DD, you don't even need to tell him you're going away unless it's abroad. Then you'll have to get his written permission. A family room is reasonable and its not like all 3 of you will be sleeping in the same bed. There will be a single bed for your DD to sleep in. Enjoy your holiday and try to not worry or continue to let your ex live rent free in your head. Easier said than done I know, especially after years of abuse. Good luck and again, enjoy.
Stop allowing this bully to dictate your life. A family room is absolutely fine. You're with her, she isn't alone. I'm all for putting our children first but you're her Mum, give yourself some credit in doing what's right for your child. You're more than capable of keeping her safe. Tell him to bog off.
Book your time and away and enjoy it! The family room is absolutely fine!
I used to go away with my now husband and step son (who was a similar age when we got together) and we would share a family room. As long as the child has their own bed there is no issue. Once we had our baby we would go away the four of us and there would be an a double bed, single bed and travel cot in the family room then as she got older, two single beds! There is nothing wrong with it at all! Don’t let this man keep telling you what to do. I’m
