Unhappy and unhealthy relationship with my ex
6 answers /
Last post: 12/02/2024 at 1:00 am
I have a 7month old son. I feel absolutely rubbish and is struggling I do have support of my family but I don't always tell them how my ex is behaving towards me. My ex is meant to come to see his son every Friday and every other Saturday at the moment but often he will cancel or try and change the day and when I do change it he still ends up cancelling then just before Christmas he rang me to say he had cancer and had only a few months to live which was all a load of lies. He has a child from a previous relationship but he is not allowed to see this child and I don't know why as his story changes all the time. He lived with me for a lot longer than he should of and he moved out before little one was born because our relationship had eneded way before and i said he needed to move out and get himself sorted. He is now homeless and has never got any money or if he has he just wastes it. But he often keeps on like I should help him out I have already help alot and have paid alot of his debt that he owe me alot of money.
I feel like I try and keep peace for our son but it's got to the stage I struggle to sleep and I know my little one can tell when I'm upset.
My ex has now got he often threatens solicitors. And I don't know what to do anymore.
My advice:
Firstly, if your family is supportive, tell them everything.
Stop helping your ex. Stop all direct contact between you and him, and communicate through a trusted third party (trusted by you, that is), and only communicate when essential.
For contact, you could put the ball in his court and only arrange contact when he gets in touch with you and asks for contact. And make that contact supervised, and in a neutral place, rather than at your home. Again, if you can do this through a third party, all the better.
You might want to formalise things with a Child Arrangements Order, in which case you'd need to get legal advice.
And if he threatens you with solicitors, let him. Tell him you're looking forward to getting the letter. Solicitors have no actual power to make you do anything. If you do receive a solicitor's letter, get legal advice of your own about it.
My advice:
Firstly, if your family is supportive, tell them everything.
Stop helping your ex. Stop all direct contact between you and him, and communicate through a trusted third party (trusted by you, that is), and only communicate when essential.
For contact, you could put the ball in his court and only arrange contact when he gets in touch with you and asks for contact. And make that contact supervised, and in a neutral place, rather than at your home. Again, if you can do this through a third party, all the better.
You might want to formalise things with a Child Arrangements Order, in which case you'd need to get legal advice.
And if he threatens you with solicitors, let him. Tell him you're looking forward to getting the letter. Solicitors have no actual power to make you do anything. If you do receive a solicitor's letter, get legal advice of your own about it.
Thank you for your advise. Reading it has made me feel alot better. And I feel it would be the right thing to do go through a third party. Thank you soo much.
Hi Donna,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
Thank you for posting your circumstances so honestly on here and well done for reaching out for support and advice.
I'm glad you've found Kirk's advice helpful and I just wanted to add a really useful resource which may help.
The Child Law Advice service are a charity who support parents when there are legal issues to work through including formalising contact arrangements if that is something you want to do. You can find out more about what they offer and access their contact details at: https://childlawadvice.org.uk/family/
You said that you're also struggling to sleep, so maybe you could have a chat with your GP about your own health and wellbeing, as I can hear how stressful this situation is for you.
Hopefully, some of our lovely netmums' community will drop by soon and share their experiences with you, but feel free to keep chatting here and we'll try to get you the best information we can.
Loraine x
Omg, this sounds like my ex!! Get rid, honestly, he will be no good for your child. Good luck x
As hard as it is to accept the thing is that you can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. Even a court order can’t force him to actually turn up. First thing is to stop giving him any money. Whatever it is it’s his problem so let him sort it out. Second is just to ignore him, I doubt very much that he’ll take you to court because 1 he obviously can’t afford it & 2 if he was at all bothered in the first place he would at the very least be there every chance he had. He’s using the threat of court to get you to do what he wants. Call his bluff & tell him to go ahead.
