17 year old son at my wits end

He's testing his boundaries tough love .

- he's 17 if he's not home the time u set lock the door

- take whatever he's playing music on out his room tell him he's under ur roof hel abide by your rules say youl give it back to him when he learns respect because when he's 18 if he isn't there's the door

- he moody all the time because he's smoking weed I was a teenager once I don't care what anyone says it changes you and does give you mood swings

- if he's not in school or college where's he getting the money to buy week it's not cheap say to him u want money he has to a to school or college to get an allowance at the end of the day as long as he gets he's 3 meals a day what are you giving him money for ?

If he wants drinks ie from shop buy multipacks when you go food shopping explain when you go out with ur mates u can take one of them with you instead of giving him cash if he want to go cinema ect he has to earn it .

Yes he's 17 but he needs to learn nothing in life is free without an education he won't have a job hel be on uc which is barely 300 odd a month then explain what you have to pay out of that bills ect and how much he'd have left afterwards

My sons 12 I explained to him i will provide what you need in life u get extras birthday Christmas anything else you will have to find a way to buy it so with he's Christmas money he opened a candle business they need to learn especially boys it's hard out there if there not working it's not like women pop out a kid and get a house if there not working there homeless or in a half way house I'm sorry but you need to put your food down your the adult he's the child !

Hope that makes sense I had predictive text on so some words come out different lol

Weed makes them lazy. I’ve 3 sons who’ve used 2 I know have been addicted, it ruined their lives, they’re dead beats. My daughters have not used as far as I know, 2 are still in Ed but the other 3 , one is a nurse sister in NHS, the other trained as a hairdresser/ colour tec, now an assessor on £50k & my other daughter works in Primark 20 hrs wk, despite having Cerebral Palsy & Autism.

I’m sorry to say I had to make my boys stand on their own two feet & put them out, only after many chances.

It a very difficult age as there no longer children but not quiet and adult yet. My daughter fell pregnant at 17 and I now have a gorgeous 2 year old grandson who is my world. The weed can contribute to mood swings but not always,find out why he using it. Is he in pain anywhere or possible mental health issues? Worth exploring these avenues to find out. Try talking it not easy, I know. Good luck x

Hi Tilly,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic child mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Tilly

I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. I can see you have already had lots of support from our Netmums community so hopefully that has been helpful. You're really worried about your son - have you been able to chat to him about what happened? It might be worth having a chat to your GP to see if he can have a referral to CAMHS. What do you think? You might also find the Young Minds Website helpful as it has sections for both parents and young people: Drugs & Alcohol | Mental Health | Guide For Parents | YoungMinds

Have social services been in touch yet? They will want to support you both Tilly and may be able to suggest other supports and services available to you.

Do come back to us if you would like to chat some more. We are here to listen

Catherine

Hi I’ve had a good talk to my son and I think this has gave him the wake up call he badly needed . He said his phone had run out and he fell asleep in a girls house and only woke when the police woke him to bring him home. He said he had been trying cannabis with his friends but had stopped when he was starting his driving lessons he kept it as he thought it was cool to show his friends but it’s all been binned now . He’s promised me he won’t do it again and has asked me to help him decide on a career path and try something. I do believe him .

i haven’t heard from anyone yet to be honest I hope I don’t but if I do what should I expect ?

Hi Tilly

Thanks for coming back to us. Sounds like you both have had a good chat and are able to make a bit of plan to help him move forward. It's great that he has be open with you. This article has some info about what you can expect when social services are in contact so may be a helpful read: What Happens If Children’s Services Become Involved With My Family? - Netmums

Best wishes

Catherine

Hi. Just an idea, but how about finding a time when he is calm (boys tend to listen better when walking side by side with you, apparently), then talk to him about how you feel. Use the words 'I feel, when you.....' Under no circumstances say 'you make me feel...' Own your feelings. If you get upset, fine. Own it. Let your son know you have feelings (not just anger). Maybe use words like sad, upset, anxious. Describe your feelings. And ask your son if he has any solutions to the situation.

You may be surprised but teenagers can be so egocentric that maybe he hasn't given your feelings a thought.

I hope you are able to give this a try. Also don't expect everything to change instantly. It will take time.

Another bit of advice is don't give him any money unless he's studying. Bed and board are all that should be provided unless he goes to college or does an appretiship.

Lastly 'choose your battles'. Your son may feel you complain about everything. I'm sure you don't but that's probably his perception.

Good luck 🤞

How is he going out drinking or buying cannabis if he doesn't work? Where does the money come from to do either of those things? I've raised two sons and no way in hell would I have tolerated this bs. Why are you paying for driving lessons when he's doing absolutely nothing with his life? At 17 he should be at work or still in education. That should never have been up for debate, it's a fact. Tough love is needed here. Ship up or ship out. He needs guidance to make good choices, that's what being a parent is. You're not his mate or his personal atm, yes you love him so help him!! You're not loving him by allowing him to walk all over you.