Friend is seeing my husband! - Page: 2

Love Louise’s reply and 100% agree, I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP. You don’t deserve it. As Louise says, they’re both weasels

No you're not being unreasonable at all. It sounds as if it's been happening before the split and even if not it was leading to it. Unless you wish to take a legal route there's nothing you can do about him taking the children there, then you'd have to prove they were at risk or exposed to things they shouldn't be. I'd advise you cut contact with both and only communicate with him regarding the children's needs and contact. Then work on yourself, speak to someone it definetely helps to process everything x

You are entitled to your feelings. She was never your friend. Her and your husband sound very immature. It’s easier said than done to say don’t worry about it because it does hurt but at the same time you can’t change it either.

With regards to the children going to her house there is t really much that you can do about that. They seem to be the type that will do silly things to hurt and spite you. The kids on the mattress on the floor is inappropriate but maybe you can get them an air mattress or the sleeping bags with the air stress built in to have when they go there. It seems unfair to you to have to come out of pocket but at least you know your kids are sleeping in better conditions. Just talk to your kids to make sure that she is treating them with love and respect. Make sure that they feel comfortable to come home and talk to you after a visit. It will be especially hard to hear if they have fun because you are still hurting but at least you have some comfort in knowing they’re being treated right when in her presence cause the alternative to that is horrible.

You need to take care of yourself and try to start the healing process. You do not need to communicate with her at all anymore. So remove and block her from ALL contacts and forms of communication. With the dad you need to set boundaries. Keep all communication with him restricted to things regarding the kids. No small talk as difficult as it is when he’s being nice or when you just feel the urge to revert to how it used to be n also just wanting him to be involved. Communicate with him via text or email but a method that had a record in the event that you ever need to rely on it at a later date. You can def benefit from counselling so that you’re not keeping everything bundled up inside. You can also try journaling to get some of your thoughts off your chest. When you don’t have the kids try to keep yourself busy doing things you like to do. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune. You can have personal care days where you give yourself spa treatments, order take out and watch Netflix, at home workouts or even get out for a cuppa and a stroll around town. Just get accustomed to spending time alone and restoring you do that you can be the best version of you for your kids.

Good luck you will get through it with time. Your not the first nor will you be the last.

You are not being unreasonable at all. They both betrayed you. Unbelievable! As another commenter mentioned, it made me feel angry for you. He is gaslighting you...

I would focus on your own well-being and make an effort to not show weakness in front of him any more. Her, I would cut off completely. Unfortunately, I don't think you can stop him from taking the children to her.

Look after yourself! I know it is difficult, but in the long run, he did you a favour. You are better off without him.

Stay strong! You got this! Just take care of your mental health now. Does he have any male friends to help with that? Just kidding.... 😉

Take care.

All the best.

Get with his friend , see how his attitude changes then

I just wanted to say massive hugs, I have been in similar place to you. I separated from my husband (we'd been together 14 years) just over 6 years ago, we too had been in a difficult place. At the time he was spending alot of time 'helping ' our childminder with small DIY projects and massaging her frequently, I had never felt suspicious of him having female friends before but something was different about their relationship. He denied anything was going on and that it was all in my imagination , but eventually he admitted they were seeing each other. It was so hard processing not just his betrayal, but hers too and the impact on our children.

I found it hard the idea my kids would be seeing her and daddy together in a different way and the impact on them. However their relationship didn't last more than 6 months and he has had several relationships since then, introducing my children to them early on each time.

I never thought I could get through the hurt and the deceit, but I started to focus on me and my relationship with my children. I realised that whatever I felt about his behaviour and the way he involved the kids, this was beyond my control, but what I could control was the time they are with me and showing them the stable and secure home environment where they are the focus and that mummy is strong enough to do this and build a life of my own. I focussed on learning to be me again and making me happy.

Roll on 6 years and I'm the happiest I've ever been, I have a strong relationship with my kids, I'm my confident in me. I have met someone new ( something I thought I would never do again as I never thought I could trust again), and it's taught me for too long I undervalued myself, I settled for a life I had because I didn't think I deserved more and I now have someone who treats me as an equal, shows mutual respect and doesn't expect me to be anything but me.

I hope knowing you are not only one will provide sone comfort. My advice would be take each day at a time, surround yourself with those who really count, your kids and close friends/ family and focus on these things, allow yourself time to grieve for the relationship and be kind to yourself. He didn't deserve you and you deserve to be happy.

Firstly, I am so sorry you went through this. What an awful experience for you. As a lot of others have said, you need to try to cut ties as much as possible with both of them.

I would also add that you should get some counselling and take some time for you. What they are doing is bullying and although it probably doesn’t make you feel better now, they both sound like people you would be better off without in your life.

Obviously as you share children, you will need to have some contact but I would suggest you keep it to the minimum and stay emotionally apart from them and their drama. How sad must their lives be, if as grown adults, they are sitting ***** about you. They are pathetic!

As others have said, make sure that you do all you need to for your children, but otherwise don’t get involved and as your kids get older they will see who the decent human being is.

Big hugs, stay strong and remember this is NOT about you - they are just a nasty pair and clearly well suited. Onwards and upwards for you!

Hi Karlie

I am sorry to see that you are having to deal with all of this.

First things first, this "friend" has turned out to be nothing of the sort. Her behaviour has been very poor. Perhaps one day someone will treat her like this and then she will understand what she did to you.

I know it does not feel like it right now, perhaps she did you a favour in taking this man off your hands. Someone who could claim to have mental health problems and seeing this woman practically under your nose was beneficial for those problems is utterly deceitful. Having supported my son through his anxiety and depression, I find this kind of game-playing lower than low. Is this man someone you really want around you?

Your husband's problem is that he feels guilty. This is not a pleasant way to feel and the only thing he can do to make himself feel better is to make you feel worse. Hence the awful things he has been saying to you. If he really was delirious with joy about this woman, then he would not be using up valuable time and energy doing this - it simply would not enter his head to do so.

I would suggest confining your contact with him to him only (from now on this woman is not worthy of your time or attention) and only communicating about the children. Unfortunately, there is very little you can do about your husband's or this woman's behaviour. I am not sure about the ages of your children, but does he really think it is acceptable for them to sleep on a single mattress on the floor? Were they sharing this single mattress?

Best wishes

Feeling hurt is not at all unreasonable. Leave those 2 with their crystals and sad little lives. Congratulations on being rid of them. What do you want? What makes you happy? Once you concentrate on this and the kids see you happy what they’re doing won’t hurt so bad. Be kind to yourself. Pick yourself up and make a wonderful life. You won’t believe how much better you’ll feel this time next year x

Joanne, this is such a lovely reply, so well said.

Karlie B, please be aware of all the love everyone is feeling for you and use that to help you believe in yourself and move on Xx

How is she being unreasonable this ‘so called friend ‘ is probably the reason their marriage ended or attest some sort of catalyst

she has very right to feel this way actually

and considering how long she has spent in the marriage is shocking what he just did

Horrible situation I have had a similar experience I know it tough and heartbreaking but the tables will turn trust me on that maybe a year 5 years whenever when someone or in this case 2 people hurt you it’s hard but move on and wait trust me on this xxx be happy and don’t be full of hate Just move on in silence that’s my advice and wait for the tables to turn x

I would ask him to have the kids on a night that he doesn't normally have them, and tell him you have a date :-) that will fix his smart mouth ❤️

So sorry to hear they've treated you badly and make fun of you. Laughing at you when you're upset is nasty. Calling you names like "desperate Dan" is just horrible of them. I pressed the heart button on your OP question as I felt it was a way to give you a hug. I know it might be hard, but you're better rid of him, he's just awful. Try and be strong for your kids, and see a way forward and rebuild your life. You're much better than he is.