Family life

I'd set some rules and stop doing so much they are grown children one an adult as much as I love doing everything for my kids these are grown kids and being unappreciative. I'd tell the eldest get her own transport and do her own room food etc until she realises how much you do for them cos it's just taking the mick x

Hi Erin,

Having read this, I don't blame you one bit for feeling so down and depressed. I'm sorry for saying this but your 19 year old is taking the pee good and proper. Could you manage financially without her living at your home? (Does she contribute financially at all? Not expecting you to answer just a rhetorical question really) Give her an ultimatum of changing her ways including getting herself to and from work or she can go and live elsewhere. It's clear that you love your daughters but you really need something to change for your own sanity. Sending you strength and courage to tackle this problem head on x

I think you've answered your own questions to be honest.

If you carry on this way, you'll end up making yourself seriously ill.

It's time to put yourself first for a change. You say "she doesn't use public transport, so i have to pick her up".

Read this sentence again and realise how insane it sounds.

You don't Have To do anything !

She's a full grown adult and she's taking you for a ride.

They're sucking every last bit of energy and good will out of you, and they'll keep doing it until you either put a stop to it, or until your mental health declines to the point of insanity.

I think you know what needs to happen, and you're the only one who can make it happen.

You need to stop doing what you’re doing. You’re running yourself into the ground. They sound like spoilt brats. Tell her you will not be driving up and down like a limo service taking her to and fro. Maybe on the odd occasion if you feel like it but not where you have to. With regards to the eating situation tell her either she eats what you have or she will have to work it out on her own. It’s hard but you have to give these kids tough love. They will thank you in the end. I literally got my thank you this week from my now 24yo. After night school she went college said she didn’t like it switched colleges sd she still didn’t like it. I gave her time to figure it out. She decided school wasn’t for her so I told her she needed a job. After about a year she got a job and I was doing what your doing dropping to work or picking up? She never lifted a finger to help around the house. She wld come on from work eat n put her plates in the kitchen sink although the dishes had already been washed. Her room was a mess n everytime I asked for help I was met with attitude or she wld do it when she felt like it. I gave her so many chances cause idw to put her out. But she never changed. Spent her whole pay and each month I wld be loaning her money. In the end I got tired of talkin. I moved and took my little one and she had to go out on her own. She’s been on her own now for 8 months. She misses the easy life. She misses the cooked meals etc. This week she thanks Lee me and said that she thinks it was wat she needed to get her mind right. And do what she needs to do for herself.

You do everything for them so why would they change?!? She could get public transport or walk. Its a simple choice. You are pandering to them, telling them how its effecting you but then still doing it. Their behaviour only changes for a few days because they know yours will too. Please tell me she's paying rent!? They will never survive in the real world without real help growing up.

Stop being her doormat. Do not ever pick her up from work again. If she leaves dirty laundry on the floor, throw it out. If she leaves used sanitary towels in her underwear drawer, throw every single last pair of pants out. If she leaves lights on in her room, take the lightbulbs out. If she won’t clean dishes, serve her food on dirty plates. Do not cook for an adult child, make whatever food you want to eat, and if they don’t want to reheat it in the microwave, freeze the leftovers for yourself and let her buy her own food. CHARGE HER RENT.

I feel you my 19 year old swear at me calls me names and im like nah u have to help around the house u do some chores i do some chores as shes an adult and needs to learn how to do all this for herself but by god its a daily fight and struggle even gettin her to take the bins and the dogs out.

She literally spends all day in her room when shes not workin on video calls to her bf and his wee sis even sleeps on video calls im like nah this stops ive even got to the point i will turn the leccy off at the mains if she keeps goin.

Its hard work and at teenage stage they try take u for everythin u gotta put ur foot doen and say no!

So sorry but your daughters are like this because you have allowed it !! It’s times to go on strike and let them

learn a lesson in independence

I have two adult daughters and I was a single parent and doted on them. They can be very thoughtless and selfish at times and I even cleaned their rooms until they were about 16. However I did make them pay board even when they were in sixth form. It was only £25 a month back then but it was a contribution and it increased with their ages and earnings. They are old enough to buy a takeaway if they can’t eat at your table at a reasonable time. You have created two very selfish self absorbed young ladies and have completely lost yourself in the process. I don’t think there is a quick fix here but you do need to take drastic action. Set some rules, write them down and put them on the fridge in clear view and bloody stick to them. Time to get tough!

They're only acting like this because you are allowing it! I have a 20 and 21 year old and they would not treat me or my home in this way. If they want to stuff dirty clothes in with clean, let them get on with it - they'll be wearing smelly clothes, not you. Shut the door on their room and ignore it. If they want to live in a pit, let them get on with it. Cook dinner, leave a plate, if they don't want it microwaved they go without or cook something themselves.

I do take my daughters to work etc. but that's only because I want them to be safe, so am happy to do it and I do the washing because I'm doing it for the rest of us anyway and to do theirs separately would cost more in electric etc. But they put their own clothes away and anything not in the basket doesn't get washed.

Sit them down, tell them things are going to change because you're not being taken for granted any longer and give them a list of the rules of YOUR home.

I think you’ve answered your own question, what are you doing??!!? 😂

Sit them down and have a calm, positive, grown up conversation with them. Then agree some changes. If you treat them like small, spoilt, children, that is how they will behave. It doesn’t have to be a rant or blame conversation, just that things have become a bit silly in terms of balance and quality of life for everyone and will be changing to be fair for all of you now. Keep it simple, write a list of chores/rules/expectations so it’s clear for everyone and thank them for their help. I do a lot for my 21yr old when he’s back from Uni as he still doesn’t drive and we live in a rural area, but I do it because he is grateful, and will also often walk half an hour to the nearest train station and back often too up a steep hill on the dark! He also helps me out with stuff - I’ve always asked him to do a few chores around the house from when he was young and so he just gets it as we have grown up conversations. Your role as a parent is to teach your kids to be decent fair people that pull their weight too… so just approach it with that in mind. Good luck.

First breathe... go on a walk or a drive to take your mind off things or to just cry away from home.

Second make a pact with yourself, commit to things you plan to continue to do for them and promise yourself to point blank refuse the things you will no longer do. Put in boundaries that you feel will benefit you and no one else.

As your children they will continue to love you but you need to now push the tough love to ensure that when they are ready to leave home their friends or partners don't end up living with someone they will later resent.

If you really want change then the only person that can create that is you by sticking by refusing compromise on how you want your home to be.

Just stop everything you are doing yes u are a mum not a slave they are old enough to be doing all these things

If she won't use public transport then she has no non and no money trust me she will use public transport.

Leave the 19 year old to cook for herself

Leave her room a pigsty and her washing in there when she has nothing clean she will learn to do all these things quick enough

She's working a full time job so she's obviously responsible enough to do things there si can at home.

If you don't nip it in the bud now they'll leave home was 0 idea how to function.

I don't tidy my children's room from the age of 14 I said it was her responsibility she used to and still does strip her bed put it in the washer and switches on she hoovers her own room and cleans the window her space her mess her responsibility.

As for lifts if it's night time or there's a time constraint and public transport wont get her there in time I pick her up or take her but otherwise she uses public transport.

You're going to have to be cruel to kind I'm afraid and let them sort themsrlves out a little because you're being took for an absolute mug