Family life so fed up

Is there no spare bedroom for your son you need make most of these times before he drops visiting. Could he stay in your room and you and partner get a blow up bed for lounge. Your husband needs to keep quiet he hardly visits why be moaning at him etc he needs keep quiet for your sake its not nice for your son. Maybe book a hotel odd time for you and son or take your son out for the night so out the house and one on one time x

We got small one bed bungalow , no not option to have our room as my husband works nights comes home at 8am.

its a tricky situation all round I’ve just had enough

Heya.. I really feel for u as I’m in a similar situation regarding my son and husband” not getting on.

All in we were together 7 years and married for a year and half of those. My son and husband’s relationship deteriorated when we had our own child 3.5 years ago. My son’s attitude and behaviour are out of control (on waiting list to be assessed for adhd) my husband couldn’t deal with it anymore so he chose to walk out on me and our family.

People don’t realise how hard it is to have kids from a previous relationship and to bring another person into that. I really sympathise with u and hope things begin to settle. I wouldn’t wish my situation on anyone. X

I feel really sad for your son reading this.

I’m assuming your son had a bedroom before you moved? I understand he lives with his dad for school reasons but your son should really have a bedroom at your house.

please put yourself in your sons shoes. He’s had to move with his dad. He went from seeing his mum every weekend to every other weekend and probably not even for 24 hours.

it seems he can’t do right from wrong. You’re trying to please your husband over your child. That’s not fair.

affordability for a house. Okay. However you should have still got a house with a bedroom for your son.

if my partner felt this way towards my child I would really consider my marriage.

you need to put your child first. He didn’t ask for any of this. And you’re not even meeting him half way. Your post said you’re fed up. I can’t begin to imagine how your son feels. He isn’t even a first priority to you. You need to sit down with your husband and explain your child comes first and things need to change. For your son’s sake I really hope they do change.

From a blended fam, your husband needs some ear pods and to suck it up. Your son barely visits and before long he won't at all. We've 6 kids between us. 2 each from our previous marriages and 2 together. In 28 giving a teenager sex Ed talks and things I never thought I'd have to do for another few years. We've a 20 year age gap so it's not all rainbows and sunshine at times.

If your son keeps asking to stay then he needs to compromise on the noise levels and your husband needs to compromise on the constant complaints.

He's a 15yo boy who's allowed to express himself maybe not so in that language but he's standing up for himself. Your partner works nights, why does that mean your son who visits once a week has to be up the crack of dawn? Can he not be respectful and be quieter around the house when home?

It's one day a week at the moment and if they don't compromise and be adults like they are - it's all going to fall apart

Can he not stay over in the week so its just you two husband at work so you can make as much noise as you want then when husband gets in at 8am he could run him to school.

You're going to end up losing your relationship with your son teenage years are bad enough but this situation makes it worse.

Husband must get days off can't son stay over on husbands nights off then take him to school.

Your husband needs to try harder he's the adult and he came along last

I think your son isnt being unreasonable to be upset about the situation. Hes being pushed out little by little.

Hes probably just hurting because he wants his mum. The proof is in the fact he wants to stay over. Kids usually get to an age they prefer their friends so thats lovely he still wants to stay. You want him to stay too so your husband should make it work.

I would suggest finding a time with no distractions to tell your husband you want your son to stay over so what solutions can he think of to make that work. I think once you show your son an efforts being made to have him around the arguments will die down. If not then you can say to him you've tried your best so now he needs to be respectful of your husband who also lives in your home. At the moment neither are being respectful but your husband is a fully grown adult. Hopefully your husband helps you find a solution to make it work for you

I agree I understand that it was a money issue buying a one bedroom but imagine how your son must have felt no longer having his own space at his mums you really need to get a two bedroom and then you've a spare room for anyone that stays over and a room for your son he's part of your life but you're not making him feel part of it. You're lucky he's asking to stay because that won't last long soon he'll be off out with his mates etc and you'll barely see him

I am not going into my past reasons why my son lives with his dad etc , but main reason was his school cos his dad lives road next to the school and my son has adhd and autism it’s best school for him , so I put my son first and agreed l for him to stay with his dad , as I couldn’t afford to rent in the same area.

i live in town half hour away , met my new husband who council tenant moved in with him, into his one bed flat , we can’t afford to rent privately so applied for two bed council flat even though showed proof we have my son every other week and they said no, we managed to get one bed council bungalow, so my son always has front room.

I have he er put my husband first Aboyne my son, my husband would never want that. It’s that they clash , my son’s attitude stinks with his swearing , he does have good days. But I am stuck between both

Hes a teenager they are hard work but your husband moaning when you get such little time with your son is a disgrace can he not just shut up and put up with it for a few hours a week

So your son is neurodiverse and clashing with your partner. I dont think many understand how hard it is to manage emotions as teens let alone having autism and adhd on top...hardly seeing your mum and so on. I'm sorry but your husband needs to be the adult in this and have more empathy and understanding towards your son. He's obviously upset about the set up and wants his mum and can't have that. Don't want to sound horrible but your sons trying to communicate with you and no one's taking it in. Only taking in the surface level stuff such as his swearing. Can you not take him out and have 1 to 1 time....why can't your husband buy earplugs etc when his around? You're not even spending 24hrs with your son and your husband is moaning. It's sad.

I note you really love using exclamation marks!!!!

Your Son doesn’t live with you for schooling reasons? Hmm, can’t see why that would be. Usually, I see it a parenting fail when the child doesn’t live with the Mum. In my opinion. I think you’ve been the sort of Mum that puts their partner before their child, hence why he doesn’t live with you. Looks like your Husband is selfish and cannot accept your Son, is that the reason why he doesn’t live with you?

My advice, dump the Husband and concentrate on building a relationship with the child you brought into the world. You hardly see him. I cannot fathom why you moved somewhere that hasn’t space for your Son when he came to stay with you. Do you work? If not maybe you need to look at getting a job so you have more money to buy/rent somewhere bigger. Don’t think your giving us the full picture

One of my daughters doesn't live with me...this judgement of parenting fail if kids don't live with their mums is crap. Why can't children live with their dads....they are also equally a parent to the child and some dad's do a wonderful job too. Aslong as both parents are coparenting well the child can benefit massively.

OP has already explained that Dad lives just across the road from son's school while Mum lives 30mins away.

Calling this out as 'a parenting fail' is really unfair. You know what they say, 'If you don't have anything good to say....'

OTOH ear plugs for Step-dad, now that's a helpful suggestion.