Sleep training techniques: controlled crying

Last modified on Thursday 17 December 2020

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Love it or hate it, controlled crying is a commonly used sleep training technique by parents and experts alike. Here's what the controversial method involves ...

As part of our pages on sleep training techniques, here we focus on controlled crying.

Many parents and experts believe controlled crying is the key to laying down good sleep habits for babies of six months and older.

Controlled crying can be very effective, but it may not be suitable for all babies – or all parents. If you're considering trying controlled crying to help your baby settle himself, take a look at our guide, and see if it's right for you both.

What is controlled crying?

The controlled crying approach involves putting your baby to bed awake, and you leaving the room for a short period, returning if the baby is crying, but leaving again for progressively longer periods until the baby falls asleep.

This approach suits those who believe babies need routines and boundaries. The use of controlled crying can be traced back over 100 years, and was a baby sleep method first popularised in the mid 1980s by American paediatrician, Richard Ferber.

Also known as the Ferber method, American mums refer to 'Ferberizing' their babies when they do controlled crying.

For a comprehensive guide to controlled crying, have a read of Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber (Vermillion, £9.99).

Is controlled crying safe?

Over the years, a lot of parents have used controlled crying successfully. A study carried out by researchers from the University of Melbourne, Australia and the University of Exeter, UK, in 2010, concluded that behavioural sleep techniques do not cause long-lasting harms or benefits to the child, their relationship with their parents or their mother’s health.

'For parents who are looking for help, techniques like controlled comforting and camping out [where one or both parents stay in the room with an upset baby to provide reassurance but the baby is not picked up] do work and are safe to use,' said lead researcher, Dr Anna Price.

However, the study did have some limits and Dr Price also noted that parents shouldn't think this means letting babies cry all night.

Instead, it reiterated that controlled crying is a technique that needs to be used with care.

Never begin a controlled crying regime if your child is ill.
Do seek advice when using controlled crying if you have any health concerns with your baby.
This method may not be suitable of your child has significant separation anxiety issues.
Controlled crying should never be used for babies younger than six months old.

Why is controlled crying recommended for babies over six months?

Research has shown that when young babies become upset, this increases the stress hormone, cortisol, which can be harmful to the developing emotional brain. This affects the strength and speed of the brain's connections and pathways.

Some experts believe controlled crying should be left even later than six months, as the creation of pathways which help modulate the stress response reaches a peak at about seven to eight months of age. If the stress experience is intense, it could undermine the ability of the brain to manage stress and social situations accurately as an adult.

NHS guidelines regarding sleep training techniques recommends that controlled crying should not be used for babies under six months of age.

How long does controlled crying take?

According to baby sleep expert Mandy Gurney, director of the Millpond Sleep Clinic, and author of Teach Your Child to Sleep (Hamlyn Health, £9.99) controlled crying should only take a maximum of a week to work:

'But be warned: it will be a tough week! You need to be completely committed to seeing it though. If you stop and start when using controlled crying, your baby many become confused and any distress may get unnecessarily drawn out,' says Mandy.

How should I prepare for trying controlled crying?

Choose a good time when nothing else is on. For example, don’t choose to do controlled crying if it’s the week you’re going back to work.
Make sure you have a whole week to devote to controlled crying.
Make sure your other half's on board - it's too tough to do single-handed. If you're a lone mum, you could ask a good friend or relative to be with you.
Make sure you've ruled out that it's not pain, illness, discomfort, fear, or genuine hunger that's waking her up and making her cry.
Let your neighbours know what you're planning, if the walls are thin!
Seek advice from your health visitor if you’re at all in doubt that this is a suitable technique for your child.

How to do controlled crying

Make sure the room you are leaving your baby to sleep in is warm and safe. Check the room temperature is between 16 and 20 degrees Celsius and make sure there is nothing your child can hurt themselves on.
Make sure your baby has a calm bedtime and put her in her cot in a darkened room while she's still awake.
Quietly say 'goodnight' and leave the room.
Once she starts crying, leave her for up to five minutes at first. 'How long you leave it for is a personal thing,' says Mandy Gurney. 'If you don't feel confident leaving for five minutes, you can start with one or two. After that, you come back and say something like, "go to sleep. I'm here". '
Some experts recommend 'repetitive reassurance', touching or stroking her briefly to comfort her. But not everyone, Mandy included, feels this is not a good idea:
'My feeling is that it's not a good idea to touch or cuddle your baby at this point because it will reinforce a mixed message, that they'll get some kind of reward from you if they cry for long enough,' she says.
You can lengthen the amount of time in between going in to check and reassure your baby, but don't leave it for more than 10-15 minutes before returning.
Don't go out of earshot of your baby whilst she's crying – but do try to find something to do to take your mind off what's happening. Have a watch or clock nearby so you can make sure you get the timings right.
The minutes may feel like an eternity, but take comfort from the fact that it's unlikely to last for more than an hour. Most babies will have given up and gone to sleep by then!

Controlled crying; problem solving

Here are some common problems that you may experience once you start controlled crying. Hopefully our solutions will help you get back on track.

'My baby keeps standing up in his cot during sleep training' ...

If your child is able to stand (this usually happens around six to nine months) and will not lie down to sleep you can either:
Return to the room, place your hands on your child's body, around the trunk and wait for him/her to lie down on their own, and then make him/her comfortable and warm. Praise the lying down behaviour. Don't be tempted to lift your child out of the cot unless unwell. This may take a while.
An alternative is to leave the room whether your child is lying or standing. Return after a few minutes to lie him/her back down. Reinforce your action by saying quietly but firmly ‘please lie down'. Don't wrestle with your child, just reinforce the message, and give praise when your child lies down.

'My child keeps getting out of bed during sleep training' ...

If your child is older, and gets out of bed when you leave the room, calmly and quietly, without speaking and avoiding eye contact, return your child to bed. Do this every time they get out, as many times as it takes.
Make sure your child is safe and warm.

'My baby vomited during controlled crying' ...

It’s always important to regularly check on your child to make sure they are safe. If your baby vomits from crying, but he is otherwise OK, and you wish to carry on with controlled crying, change their clothes and sheets quietly, without eye contact or fuss, and leave the room again.

'My baby has started crying again – after using controlled crying techniques' ...

Consistency is the key to success. If you aren't consistent and give in the end this may make the whole process more difficult and unlikely to succeed. After a few days, usually around day five, your little one may give it just one more try and cry for a longer period instead of a shorter one. Don’t give up! You should find that your little one will settle back down again over the next couple of nights. On the other hand, if you have tried the method for two weeks to no avail, then stop and use one of the more gradual methods.

Controlled crying tips

Often things may seem to get better at first or may however after a few days of seemingly to have sorted the problems things may get worse again as they may challenge you to see if you really mean it. It is important to remain firm then and continue as before and not give in or give up. Of course the opposite may also happen as things may get worse before they get better as your little one may decide to try harder and up the ante to get your to change your mind.
Get help if you need to from an understanding family member or friend. Sometimes having someone who can support and take over when you are flagging can be invaluable. The main thing is that both you and your helper are consistent.
Act in the same way each night until your child learns to go sleep alone, in their own bed and stay there. Consistency is the sure-fire way of achieving what you want when it comes to a good night's sleep!

You can get further ideas and tips about sleep training techniques from other parents in our Coffeehouse chat forum below..

Alternatives to controlled crying

Controlled crying suits some parents and babies, but it won't be for everyone. Teaching a baby/child to learn to sleep does not have to involve tears, and there are other gentle approaches to consider.

Read about further sleep approaches here

Which sleep training techniques you use is up to you, but once you choose a plan, stick with it (if you can) for up to two weeks. Sometimes circumstances (such as illness) means you might have to stop sleep training. If this is the case, give it a good break, as a stop/start approach will be confusing and more stressful to your child.