My partner

I would trust your gut.

It's not going to get any better I'm afraid and you will always be second best. Get out now.

Hi R..🖤

I agree with what you say to Tiff..She has her whole future ahead of her, he shows no interest in her , she’s better off moving on

R

Hi Tiffany my advice to you would be to leave and concentrate on yourself and finding someone who would want to spend their time with you or compromise about time. I met my partner 11 years ago and he had a 7 year son and an ex that had a lot of say about everything making and changing plans and so much other stuff and only since his boy has turned 16/17ish was this control let go of it’s a very long and unhappy road and if I could do it again I would have chosen to walk away! It might be hard to walk away but everything that is happening will not change anytime soon. You’re better getting out whilst you still can

This is not the relationship for you. A parent can never and will never care about anyone more than their children, and anyone who prioritises a fairly casual relationship over their child wouldn’t be worth having anyway. Find someone else who doesn’t have a child if you can’t handle ALWAYS being 2nd best.

You say he would rather spend time with his ex and son so is she there when he is seeing his son? Personally I think you have no right to say how often he sees his son. Being a weekend dad isn’t exactly great and if you are getting jealous over time spent with a child then you aren’t equipped to be in a relationship with someone who has a child. That being said, if it’s his ex he is spending time with then I totally get it. There’s no need for her to be around when the child is now 6 and old enough to go to his dad alone. How long have you been together? Is there a reason you aren’t spending time as a family of 3? (Ie it’s only been a year or something so casual relationship). I’ve been with my partner for 18 months now but I don’t involve him in my family trips etc as it’s only been a short while and I only see him 2 nights a week. My ex husband and I got close very quickly and he moved in within a year and unfortunately when it ended 5 years later it seriously affected my two daughters from a prior marriage so I’m being very cautious this time. That being said, I’m sure if it’s been a long time then you’d be able to do things the three of you as a family. He’s still young enough to be off up to bed at a decent time and you and your bf snuggle up with a movie or something xxx

Sorry just to add. If he has made plans with you to go out (date night etc) and then he cancels to take his son but it isn’t an emergency then I totally agree that’s not ok. He should be talking to you about it prior to cancelling anything as that’s very unfair when you are excited about a monthly date night or something and he then just assumes you will be fine if he cancels xxx

As a good parent, your child should always come first. They are your priority over anyone else. It may hurt and sound harsh but maybe you should walk away from the relationship and meet someone who is not separated/divorced with children.

This is not what you want to hear, but your boyfriend will always put his son first. I was once such child so I know how it all works, that is why I decided early on I will never be part of blended family, and will never ever get involved with anyone who already has children from another relationship. My advice to you is run. You deserve to be happy and loved, not the second best. Leave your boyfriend who will never put you first. Find someone who will want to spend all their time with you, look forward to your weekends together, maybe even evenings during the week, travel the world with you, collect the best memories and when the time is right, settle down with you to experience and enjoy parenthood together. Best if this someone never had a child yet so you could both discover your firsts... Choose your Mr Right wisely because this also works the other way round. You want your children to have dad who will love them the most, and no stepfather will ever love your children more than their own dad. xx

(This is no disrespect to anyone reading this who is part of a blended family. It is my personal view, as someone who understands the bigger picture of blended family)

Hi

I’m going to ask you a question I ask a lot of posters when they have relationships like this….can you go on like this long term if nothing changes? As it looks right now this is going to go on. Nothing is going to change. If the answer is ‘no’ then get out now. You’re young. Stop wasting time on someone who puts you second.

His ex is always with us. The worst part has been that she thinks she can dumb him around ours at the last minute even if we have plans we ending up dropping them or that she doesn’t want him back so we end up having him for the night . I have literally dropped everything to be there for them. And I’ve been with them for 2 years now and I haven’t gone on a holiday or celebrated my birthday or Christmas or summer or Easter that includes me and my partner without a child . We haven’t had the time to even spend our anniversary alone all because his ex decides to party , drink and then come home drunk. when she does this I’m actually happy for my partner son to stay cuz least I know he’s safe. Even thought it hurts I rather have him safe with us or get hurt . It’s not like I can just leave either as I know it feels when someone leaves and also cuz we live together.

Thanks for explaining. Yeah there’s zero need for her to be there at his age. That’s just really odd to be honest. I think you need to sit your partner down and have a frank conversation and let him know that you can’t go on like this. You got in to a relationship with him which includes his son but you didn’t get in to a relationship with his ex! She sounds very unstable also. I totally agree with him putting his son first but, as I said earlier, it’s not acceptable to change your plans and just brush you off when it’s not an emergency situation. Is your bf’s family nearby at all that could babysit for a few hours so you can get some time out for date night etc? I think he needs to be more stern about things. If you are wanting to still keep trying then perhaps set an exact date (let’s say every second Tuesday night) or something that’s “date night” and unless it’s an emergency (which the ex going out to get drunk with her mates isn’t) then he sticks to it and tells her no he’s sorry but he has commitments on those days. Perhaps some relationship counselling will help explain to him how important it is to nurture your relationship too? Though he may not stick to those appointments. First things first though he needs to stop the ex being around as she’s not a part of your household. Hope it works out xxx

Thanks , his family are in Spain and we live in Uk so it’s bit far , and I don’t have parents or family around me . I have had frank conversations with him but he just seems to brush them off or not take them seriously enough . To be honest he has taken the step on the ex constantly thing and that he has also put a stop to the son staying over when it’s not an emergency but occasionally happens , but yet he’s still not making time for me .this weekend has been full on and yeah it was tiring but I still didn’t get the adult time at the end as he’s still sleeping with his son , I did tell him that he need to learn independence as it’s an important life skill for them and that he needs to understand that when we have adult time it either means he should be in bed on his own sleeping or playing by himself so we can have 5 mins peace .