EXPERT Q&A – Exam support
11 answers /
Last post: 21/03/2022 at 8:17 pm
From 7-8pm on Monday 21st March, Parent Supporters Katie and Loraine will be online to answer all your questions and queries about supporting your kids through exams.
Got a practical question about revision? Concerned about the impact of exam stress? Struggling with family tensions as exam season comes close? Pop your questions below to receive a personalised response from Katie or Loraine on the 21st.
You can learn more about Katie and Loraine's experience and qualifications here: https://www.netmums.com/info/netmums-drop-in-clinic-parent-supporter-service
Hi
Really hope someone can give me some advice. My son is in mocks at the moment and seems to be coping ok. He seems to have his head fairly switched on at the moment. He has previously, though, suffered from exam anxiety so I do worry that it may return. School have been fab. They did an anxiety in exam courses with the kids they felt were a bit more at risk of extreme nerves getting to them.
His personal life away from school is so full of drama at the moment. Im not going to go into too many details as to protect his privacy but something has happened within his friend circle that has completely blown it apart. Its resulted in lots of gossip behind his back. There are still people not talking to each other within the group and it has the potential to really explode soon.
Im so worried that this will have an impact on where his brain ends up during this period. I really dont want this to affect his exams as he is busting his backside so hard with revision.
I guess my question is, how can I help him keep the two worlds separate for a min even though they collide at school. He really just needs to put the drama in a box for a sec, even though I know how hard it must be being gossiped about so they dont affect his exams.
i can feel the stress and tension in my daughter building up over the past couple of weeks - is there anything i can say or do that will ease it?
is it best to carry on like normal (i.e still have her normal schedule, still get her to help out with chores etc) or is it best to give her complete time and space to focus on the exams?
Thanks!
Hi, my 17yr old niece has really struggled with her mock exams recently and has come to me really overwhelmed and worried about her summer ones. She said she feels like there is just too much on her plate and she isn't sleeping well either. I feel a bit helpless and unsure how to help her. She has been to see the teacher for one of the lessons she struggles with and they don't have any worries about her ability, it seems to be the stress and anxiety that is the issue. Lockdown seems to have had quite an impact on her too and she isn't going out as much as she used to.
My son in in year 6 and due to sit his sats shortly. I have mixed feedback on another forum about doing practice papers. He is pretty laid back and not really stressed about tests. But he rushes thro his work and doesn't always check his answers. Is there any practice papers worth looking at or should I leave things alone. Thanks. I don't mind working thro some things with him and make it more of a easy going activity.
i can feel the stress and tension in my daughter building up over the past couple of weeks - is there anything i can say or do that will ease it?
is it best to carry on like normal (i.e still have her normal schedule, still get her to help out with chores etc) or is it best to give her complete time and space to focus on the exams?
Thanks!
Hi Allie,
Your poor daughter, exam time is so incredibly stressful and overwhelming for many young people.
Lots of praise and encouragement can be helpful along with some quiet time for herself to focus - so maybe a bit of both!
Does she have a study area, Allie? It can be helpful to have an area away from her bedroom, or if it is in her bedroom, a designated desk. Lots of young people will try and revise from their bed and this isn’t particularly healthy as they don’t have that complete separation between down time and study time.
I don’t know how her personal space looks but it can also help if she is able to keep her room tidy and feel that there is some order around her. This can help her to focus and feel relaxed. We have some advice here on our site about managing exam stress and preparing, I have attached the link here for you https://www.netmums.com/child/top-tips-to-help-beat-exam-stress.
With regards to the chores, do you feel it could help to lessen these in the run up to the exams?
Having a conversation with her about what would help her, such as limiting her chores for the short term, should help her to feel supported and listened to.
The Young Minds website also have some great tips for helping young people through exam times. You can find their suggestions here https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/a-z-guide/exam-time/
Best Wishes
Hi, my 17yr old niece has really struggled with her mock exams recently and has come to me really overwhelmed and worried about her summer ones. She said she feels like there is just too much on her plate and she isn't sleeping well either. I feel a bit helpless and unsure how to help her. She has been to see the teacher for one of the lessons she struggles with and they don't have any worries about her ability, it seems to be the stress and anxiety that is the issue. Lockdown seems to have had quite an impact on her too and she isn't going out as much as she used to.
Hi Lisa,
This sounds very stressful for you as I can hear that you really want to help your niece and take some pressure off of her. It can be really hard for family members to know how to help.
She has said that she is feeling overwhelmed and also struggling to sleep. It’s so difficult for young people when the anxiety is affecting sleep as it goes on to impact on their day, and is just a vicious cycle.
Talking with her and really listening to what she is telling you will help her to feel less alone.
When it comes to supporting her with her revision, Family Lives have some great advice here
It doesn’t sound as though there are any concerns around her ability, so perhaps helping her to design a good revision plan for the week, building in times for relaxation and fun, could help her to feel focused and less overwhelmed.
With regards to your niece’s sleep, The Woolcock Institute of Medical Research has an article around teenage sleep and lots of tips on how to improve sleep here https://www.woolcock.org.au/news/tips-to-help-young-people-sleep-better.
So much of our emotion regulation occurs during sleep and if her sleep is broken or she isn’t getting the right amount, this can really impact on her ability to cope emotionally during the day.
I wonder if you could have a chat with her about her evening/night time routine and discuss ways that she can help herself to relax?
Guided meditation can also be helpful for relaxation in the run up to exam time. We have our own guided meditation for preparing for exams here on our site too https://www.netmums.com/child/guided-meditation-for-exam-stress
It’s a great way to unwind and change thought patterns for more positive ones.
Having a structured routine and plenty of opportunities to check in with you will hopefully help her to stay focused and feel supported.
You also mentioned that since lockdown, she hasn’t been out as much as she used to and that seems to be quite common for many young people at the moment.
Could you maybe talk to her about her interests to see if there is a hobby or after school activity that she could join?
Does she have a good friend that she could link up with to revise? Maybe they could get together at the library or a coffee shop so that they get a change of scenery whilst revising?
Hopefully some of the links here will offer some ideas of how best to support her.
Best wishes
Hi
Really hope someone can give me some advice. My son is in mocks at the moment and seems to be coping ok. He seems to have his head fairly switched on at the moment. He has previously, though, suffered from exam anxiety so I do worry that it may return. School have been fab. They did an anxiety in exam courses with the kids they felt were a bit more at risk of extreme nerves getting to them.
His personal life away from school is so full of drama at the moment. Im not going to go into too many details as to protect his privacy but something has happened within his friend circle that has completely blown it apart. Its resulted in lots of gossip behind his back. There are still people not talking to each other within the group and it has the potential to really explode soon.
Im so worried that this will have an impact on where his brain ends up during this period. I really dont want this to affect his exams as he is busting his backside so hard with revision.
I guess my question is, how can I help him keep the two worlds separate for a min even though they collide at school. He really just needs to put the drama in a box for a sec, even though I know how hard it must be being gossiped about so they dont affect his exams.
Hi Nicola,
It is so hard when we see our kids struggling and the stress and anxiety can affect everyone in the family. I can hear that your son is revising hard and keeping everything together but in the back of your mind, you have those concerns over his anxiety returning.
I am so glad to hear that the school have been great and offered extra support around this! School support makes a huge difference as it really does help young people to feel listened to and valued.
Perhaps if you notice that he begins to present with the anxiety around the exams again, you can reach out to the school and manage it early. They may have some online materials from the exam course that he did so that you could have a look through that together, using those materials like a refresher course. We also have some good information on our site about managing exam stress which you might find helpful to read through. You can access the details at: https://www.netmums.com/child/top-tips-to-help-beat-exam-stress
Friendship groups are a whole different ball game aren’t they! It sounds like he is really doing well to avoid the drama and rise above whatever is going on for him, but that can be so difficult.
It can be helpful to remind him that right now, he is surrounded by these people at school and he has little control over that, but very soon he will have more opportunities to choose his friends as life beyond school opens up new doors to meet new people. Is he part of social media messenger groups Nicola, such as What’s App? I wonder if it could give him a bit of a break from the friendship issues if he steps away from those online groups for a short time?
There is a great organisation called ‘Shout 85258’ that offer free help via text to any young people who just need to speak to someone anonymously. It is run by trained advisors and is available to access 24/7. https://giveusashout.org/
Helping him to find ways to relax and switch off can be vital to help him manage those tricky situations within his friendship group and feel strong enough to remain calm. Does he get an evening in the week to play a sport or just have some quiet time to relax and do nothing at all?
Different people relax in different ways, so talking to him about ring fencing a couple of hours in the week as downtime to plan whatever he wants in order to feel relaxed and recharged can be helpful.
The most important thing Nicola is encouraging communication and that is what you are doing. It is hugely positive that he is able to talk to you about the friendship issues and that he feels able to accept any extra support offered from school. He has a fantastic and supportive mum.
Wishing you all the best.
Hi Lisa,
This sounds very stressful for you as I can hear that you really want to help your niece and take some pressure off of her. It can be really hard for family members to know how to help.
She has said that she is feeling overwhelmed and also struggling to sleep. It’s so difficult for young people when the anxiety is affecting sleep as it goes on to impact on their day, and is just a vicious cycle.
Talking with her and really listening to what she is telling you will help her to feel less alone.
When it comes to supporting her with her revision, Family Lives have some great advice here
It doesn’t sound as though there are any concerns around her ability, so perhaps helping her to design a good revision plan for the week, building in times for relaxation and fun, could help her to feel focused and less overwhelmed.
With regards to your niece’s sleep, The Woolcock Institute of Medical Research has an article around teenage sleep and lots of tips on how to improve sleep here https://www.woolcock.org.au/news/tips-to-help-young-people-sleep-better.
So much of our emotion regulation occurs during sleep and if her sleep is broken or she isn’t getting the right amount, this can really impact on her ability to cope emotionally during the day.
I wonder if you could have a chat with her about her evening/night time routine and discuss ways that she can help herself to relax?
Guided meditation can also be helpful for relaxation in the run up to exam time. We have our own guided meditation for preparing for exams here on our site too https://www.netmums.com/child/guided-meditation-for-exam-stress
It’s a great way to unwind and change thought patterns for more positive ones.
Having a structured routine and plenty of opportunities to check in with you will hopefully help her to stay focused and feel supported.
You also mentioned that since lockdown, she hasn’t been out as much as she used to and that seems to be quite common for many young people at the moment.
Could you maybe talk to her about her interests to see if there is a hobby or after school activity that she could join?
Does she have a good friend that she could link up with to revise? Maybe they could get together at the library or a coffee shop so that they get a change of scenery whilst revising?
Hopefully some of the links here will offer some ideas of how best to support her.
Best wishes
Thank you so much for this. Really helpful. I'll be sure to check out the websites. X
My son in in year 6 and due to sit his sats shortly. I have mixed feedback on another forum about doing practice papers. He is pretty laid back and not really stressed about tests. But he rushes thro his work and doesn't always check his answers. Is there any practice papers worth looking at or should I leave things alone. Thanks. I don't mind working thro some things with him and make it more of a easy going activity.
Hi Louise,
Thank you for posting about your son and his forthcoming Sats.
It's really good that he seems to be laid back and not stressed and yes, there is always 2 schools of thought around past papers at this early age. Have the teachers suggested anything that might help?
You said he 'rushes thro his work and doesn't always check his answers'. Sometimes when kids skip important details in an exam question, it helps to get them to practice reading each one aloud. There have been recent studies to show that you are more likely to remember something accurately, if you read it aloud - is this something you could try at home?
We have some information on our site entitled 'everything you need to know about sats' which might be helpful to read through. You can access the details at: https://www.netmums.com/child/everything-you-need-to-know-about-sats
I hope some of this proves useful Louise.
Good Luck x
Hi Nicola,
It is so hard when we see our kids struggling and the stress and anxiety can affect everyone in the family. I can hear that your son is revising hard and keeping everything together but in the back of your mind, you have those concerns over his anxiety returning.
I am so glad to hear that the school have been great and offered extra support around this! School support makes a huge difference as it really does help young people to feel listened to and valued.
Perhaps if you notice that he begins to present with the anxiety around the exams again, you can reach out to the school and manage it early. They may have some online materials from the exam course that he did so that you could have a look through that together, using those materials like a refresher course. We also have some good information on our site about managing exam stress which you might find helpful to read through. You can access the details at: https://www.netmums.com/child/top-tips-to-help-beat-exam-stress
Friendship groups are a whole different ball game aren’t they! It sounds like he is really doing well to avoid the drama and rise above whatever is going on for him, but that can be so difficult.
It can be helpful to remind him that right now, he is surrounded by these people at school and he has little control over that, but very soon he will have more opportunities to choose his friends as life beyond school opens up new doors to meet new people. Is he part of social media messenger groups Nicola, such as What’s App? I wonder if it could give him a bit of a break from the friendship issues if he steps away from those online groups for a short time?
There is a great organisation called ‘Shout 85258’ that offer free help via text to any young people who just need to speak to someone anonymously. It is run by trained advisors and is available to access 24/7. https://giveusashout.org/
Helping him to find ways to relax and switch off can be vital to help him manage those tricky situations within his friendship group and feel strong enough to remain calm. Does he get an evening in the week to play a sport or just have some quiet time to relax and do nothing at all?
Different people relax in different ways, so talking to him about ring fencing a couple of hours in the week as downtime to plan whatever he wants in order to feel relaxed and recharged can be helpful.
The most important thing Nicola is encouraging communication and that is what you are doing. It is hugely positive that he is able to talk to you about the friendship issues and that he feels able to accept any extra support offered from school. He has a fantastic and supportive mum.
Wishing you all the best.
Thank you so much for this. Yeah he's on WhatsApp,but some of his groups on there naturally dissolved when the drama happened. It seemed to settle down at school too. There are a few loose ends I think he wishes would get tied up, but he's never going to get the answers he needs which he accepts. He was in a local explorer group,but he left that bc of time constraints. He's bit of a gamer,but in all honesty,I'm the parent that as long as he has done his homework and revision,I don't care if he loses himself in a game for an hour or so. We also regularly get out on the bikes and out with the dogs so he can unwind that way. Luckily he has a break this week from the before and after school revision sessions. Next week they start again right through till first exams! Oh it's all getting real now!
