Partner
12 answers /
Last post: 18/02/2024 at 5:18 am
What would you do?
I have been with my partner over 20 years and have children, we both work full time him 46hours me 37hours, I do my hours over 5 days and him 4.
while I work 5 I still have to do all the cooking, cleaning, breakfasts, school stuff, he will occasionally wash up and will take our youngest to school on may two of the days when he’s off and I’m in the office, and that causes rows, due to him believing he needs 1 lie in a week because his job is manual and mine is not, I am up 7 days a week at 6.30.
i am constantly being called a bully because apparently a bully is someone who asks there partner to help, maybe clean, cook anything I ask really I am a bully.
for example yesterday I made everyone breakfast including him because he was taking our daughter to school, then I made him two on the evening, when I asked him to take the dog outside he refused, so I had to, because he picked our son up, and that was enough.
he will not do anything for me, another example today he didn’t get out of bed until after 12 today, I was at work, so he did nothing around the house to help me, we went out for dinner, and because he drove, when we got back he expected me to make him tea, I declined as I was just going up to iron his work clothes (as he can’t iron either) so once again tried to play the game of I will do this you can do the milk, I once again said no because of going to iron his clothes, which resulted him in stating that I never do anything for him. I cannot get him to cook, clean, order anything another example, we don’t do anything for valentines that sparks gone, but he mentioned going out for a meal just us, sounds great, but he said if I wanted to I would need to book it as he doesn’t know how to, I mean am I not even worth a phone call to book somewhere.
He sounds awful and you deserve better I'd sit him down and tell him straight and that unless he pulls his weight 50/50 then you don't want to be together your already doing everything you don't need him. He needs a reality check and no you shouldn't book a meal it's the least he can do. Who will have the kids?- I'd sit him down and tell him straight x
Don't do anything for him and he will see how much you do. I mean anything. Don't cook his dinner, wash his clothes, clean up. Let him see how much you really do. Every in my house, jokes around about me being lazy and not doing anything for them, they think it's a joke but it actually hurts a little. And I wish I could not do anything to show them what I actually do.
You are not being a bully you are asking for a partnership, something he's not offering. Either explain how you feel or walk. He's being an adult kid.
Good luck
X
But you don't have to do it all you do it because it's just easier to step up than argue about who does what.
You make out like he's helping you if he does something but you're a partnership its his responsibility as much as yours by saying he's helping you proves you do it all and he helps you and that's not him taking responsibility. He's not helping you by picking the kids up theyre his kids too.
You're ironing his clothes and he can't even have tea ready when youve been at work or be bothered to book a meal girl stop with the ironing if he can't iron then he needs to learn.
It wouldn't bother me if he was in bed till 12 as he is doing a lot of hours over less days but I'd expect him to do something when he got up.
You’re not a bully, he is.
He knows that you do everything for everyone whilst working full time and he wants to keep it that way.
Isnt it funny how at work he’s fully capable of learning how to do tasks and sticking to deadlines yet at home he turns into a complete moron who’s “unable” to use an iron or cook a basic meal.
Unless you are very clear about what you expect from him then he won’t ever change. By expecting him to do 50% of the housework for the house he lives in and 50% of the childcare for the children he chose to have you are expecting the literal bare minimum of what he is supposed to do as a partner and dad. Do not let him bully you and gaslight you into thinking that is abnormal because it’s not.
A lot of men want a 1950’s housewife because it makes their lives easier but fail to realise we are not in the 50’s anymore and most women now need to work full time to pay the bills.
If he’s not willing to step up to offer the basics then you need to decide if you can be in a relationship with such a lazy, entitled person who is quite happy to gain his free time using your labour. Personally I’d have the ick and couldn’t be with someone so self centred and cruel.
Relationships are about teamwork and what you’re describing is not a team or someone who loves you.
Point out that if he doesn’t pull his weight he will be doing 100% of the housework in his own home and 100% of the childcare during his time with the kids.
Weaponised incompetence.
He is LAZY if he wanted to he would you are not a bully for expecting your PARTNER to help and asking. He is meant to be a partner not another child. Honestly why are you still doing anything for him if mine acted this way i would not cook, clean/wash his things, iron or anything i do for him he would learn quick and fast what i do for the lazy slob, your kids see this and will grow up to be the same around their partners when older or even you. A REAL PARTNER does not need to be asked although its ok of they do but they just help don't expect you to do everything and don't act entitled to a slave. You can do so much better and to be honest you sound like you do it alone already he needs a wake up call.
Sit him down and tell him some facts! You are not his slave, nor his mother, he needs to step up and do his fair share of childcare, chores etc or you are going to walk out and leave him with the children to look after by himself! I know you wouldn't want to do that, but just call his bluff and see how he reacts! You deserve someone who respects you and treats you as an equal partner is all aspects of a marriage. Good luck!
You are definitely not a bully to put it short. You are doing far too much for this man. I would personally stop some of the things you are doing. If he had to do these things he would develop these skills over night.
You don’t have a “partner”. There is no sense of a common goal, you’re not working together for the same aims. He wants a maid. Withdraw all your labour and see how he gets on. Only do what you need to do to keep you and your children fed, clean and clothed, he can sort himself out.
Please pm if you ever want to chat but my opinion on this is stop doing what you don't have to do.
Granted we don't have children together but my partner has turned into one of the laziest I've ever known
As a result of every time I ask getting called a nag or him starting a row I now do nothing for him.
He makes his own food washes his own dishes irons his own clothes and as he has just gotten worse I now won't do his laundry either
I don't even care if the washing machine is half full I won't touch his stuff.
We both work full time and his job is physically draining mine is mentally draining doesn't mean I should be doing his things for him he has a mum I didn't sign up to be that.
If he did his share I'd do more but as it stands I do everything even the painting and any DIY etc.
I do the comments of you do nothing for me and my reply to that is always the same when did you last do anything for me-so not your own kids but ME.
And then he will have nothing to say.
Make your life easier because he isn't going to unless you make the changes.
It's hard to walk past a mess and dishes etc I know but you have to or this will be your life.
As for valentine's book a meal with any friends you have and tell him YOU are going out for valentine's and he is looking after his kids
Please pm if you ever want to chat but my opinion on this is stop doing what you don't have to do.
Granted we don't have children together but my partner has turned into one of the laziest I've ever known
As a result of every time I ask getting called a nag or him starting a row I now do nothing for him.
He makes his own food washes his own dishes irons his own clothes and as he has just gotten worse I now won't do his laundry either
I don't even care if the washing machine is half full I won't touch his stuff.
We both work full time and his job is physically draining mine is mentally draining doesn't mean I should be doing his things for him he has a mum I didn't sign up to be that.
If he did his share I'd do more but as it stands I do everything even the painting and any DIY etc.
I do the comments of you do nothing for me and my reply to that is always the same when did you last do anything for me-so not your own kids but ME.
And then he will have nothing to say.
Make your life easier because he isn't going to unless you make the changes.
It's hard to walk past a mess and dishes etc I know but you have to or this will be your life.
As for valentine's book a meal with any friends you have and tell him YOU are going out for valentine's and he is looking after his kids
Oh just to add I also get called a control freak for asking him to do anything so that just bounces off me
Those words and bully are used to provoke a reaction I wouldn't even respond to his namecalling
Hi
You are not a bully, he is the bully. He is being a child, u need to write a list of all the things u do, then ask him how many he does? Where is you're lie in? If u don't get one then neither does he, you both work full time yes, but it's u that's doing everything else, why doesn't he help out? It's no excuse, they are his kids aswell he should be helping 50/50. If you only did part time hours I could see his argument slightly, but even then he should be helping out. You need to tell him to grow up and help out or get out, u are his partner not his maid, he is a dad not a babysitter, u should not have to ask him to help with the kids. Stand up to him now, tell him unless he helps out u will not be doing anything for him.
