50 brilliant back-to-school jokes
Charlotte Thomas
Deputy Editorial DirectorLast updated by: Dan Collins
Ease your kids' first day of school jitters with some jokes and laughter. These back-to-school gags are sure to raise a giggle (and maybe a few groans)!
Perfect for the first day of a new term, these school-themed jokes will have kids – and adults – laughing any nerves away.
From one liners about teachers to gags about maths lessons, these are some of the best back-to-school jokes out there. Let us know if we've missed any!
1. On the first day of school, what did the teacher say their three favourite words were?
June, July and August!
2. What kind of meals do maths teachers eat?
Square meals!
3. What do you learn at witch school?
Spelling!
4. Why did the M&M go to school?
Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
5. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed on the first day of school?
They couldn’t control their pupils!
6. Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes!
7. Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
8. What did the pen say to the pencil?
So, what's your point!
9. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet!
10. Teacher: If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands!
11. What did one pencil say to the other on the first day of school?
Looking sharp!
12. Why did the teacher write on the windows?
They wanted their lesson to be clear!
13. Teacher: I see you missed the first day of school.
Student: Yes, but I didn’t miss it that much.
14. Why was the maths book sad?
It had too many problems!
15. How did the music teacher get locked in the classroom?
His keys were inside the piano!
16. What happened to the maths teacher’s garden?
The plants all grew square roots!
17. Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Because they keep getting lost at C.
18. Where can you learn to make ice cream?
At Sundae School.
19. Parent: What did you learn in school today?
Child: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
20. How do bees get to school?
On the school buzz!
21. What’s the difference between teachers and sweets?
Kids like sweets!
22. Who's in charge of the pencil case
The ruler!
23. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a giant?
High school!
24. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer?
Boarding school!
25. What kind of school do you go to if you’re King Arthur?
Knight school!
26. Why didn't the fish go on holiday?
Because he was always in school.
27. Why did the echo get detention?
For answering back, back, back!
28. What did the school pupils do when their shoelaces got tangled together?
Went on a class trip!
29. Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
30. Why do calculators make great friends?
You can always count on them!
31. What did the teacher do at the beach?
She tested the water!
32. Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?
Because he only had one pupil!
33. Why did the school girl carry ladders to her lesson?
Because she wanted to go to high school!
34. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because his students were so bright!
35. Why did the student throw her watch out of the school window?
She wanted the time to fly.
36. What does a thesaurus like to eat?
Synonym rolls.
37. How can you make seven even?
Take away the 's'.
38. What’s a snake’s favourite school subject?
Hiss-tory.
39. Why was the obtuse angle sad?
It knew it would never be right.
40. Why didn’t the nose want to go to school?
It kept being picked on.
41. Why do skunks do well in English class?
They're they best at smelling.
42. Why did the girl eat her homework?
Because she didn’t have a dog.
43. What do maths teachers like to eat?
Pi
44. Why did the square and triangle go to the gym?
To stay in shape.
45. What do you get when you throw a lot of books in the ocean?
A title wave.
46. Are all maths puns bad?
No, just sum.
47. What's a librarian's favourite vegetable?
Quiet peas.
48. Which letter of the alphabet is the wettest?
The C
49. Why did the dog do so well at school?
Because he was the teacher's pet.
50. Pupil: Sir, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Pupil: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
Just Joking: 300 Hilarious Jokes, Tricky Tongue Twisters, and Ridiculous Riddles (National Geographic Kids) is a must-have book for feeding kids' zany sense of humour! See more details here at Amazon.
Got a joke you need to share or want to hear other parents' best puns? Check out the forum thread below
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