Should my 17 year old daughter be able to spend the night w bf (18)

Hi Bianca,

I'm Katie, one of the Parent Supporters here.

Bianca, I can hear how uncomfortable the thought of your daughter spending the night with her boyfriend makes you feel. It's understandable, it's a big deal for us parents and so hard to know what to do for the best!

Legally, she is able to do this, but whether she spends the night under your roof is totally up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

They have been together for a year now, which is a long time in teen time. Do you trust her partner to take care of her? Do you feel that they are good for each other and in a healthy relationship?

Are they safer with you than elsewhere?

Does she talk to you openly and honestly Bianca?

It's a tricky step to navigate and I hope that whatever you decide, your daughter can see that it is coming from a caring place.

Katie x

I can completely understand why you'd feel strange about it, but as you say you are aware they are sexually active with one another already, and legally you couldn't stop her spending the night there. I'd maybe take a moment to reflect on what's troubling you - from an outsiders perspective it sounds like you and your daughter have an incredibly trusting relationship, that you already know they have been active and that she is still asking for your permission (rather than just doing it anyway/lying to you) after you've said no multiple times demonstrates that, so I think you have to let her have this independence. It'll feel easier after the first time.

Shes 17 she's been with him a year and you know they are having sex!! Why does them spending the night together bother you? Maybe they just want to go to sleep together and wake up together this is a very natural thing

Hey So if I put my Self in your Shoes i Would Say Yes under my roof .. you no they are active already .. she’s asking you wich shows the most amount of respect she has for you and her self & this is just special for the both of them x

I had the same rules with my son as my mum gave me:

If you want someone to stay overnight, just don't wake me up..."

I would say yes, I know it’s hard but you also know they are sexually active, you are not encouraging sex as they are having sex if you agree or not. I would prefer them to be under my roof, hopefully spending time together to build their relationship, rather than them having sex maybe outside or where they get a chance.

You need to install ground rules, they must respect it’s your home, they shouldn’t be disturbing you , if you understand my thought's , also make sure it’s now not taken for granted he's staying over all the time, you need to be asked, although he’s always welcome to visit you should say.

Don’t let it happen elsewhere as you will

have no control and you could lose the relationship with you daughter at someone else's gain.

They've been together since she was 16, already sexually active so why can't she stay. Its nice she's asked you, you keep saying no, so next time she'll just lie to you anyway.

I don't understand your problem?

You may not be comfortable with it but she is nearly an adult, and she is trying to be up front and honest with you. I personally think you need to allow it.

She is being so open and honest with you and that's wonderful. I agree with what others have said that you should give your blessing, . She's almost an adult and she's with someone she really cares about, you know they are already sexually active so there really is no difference.

I think she sounds like a good girl, who is trying to be respectful. In another years time she is 18 and will be here there and everywhere! If you get this wrong and become the person who always says no, she will simply stop asking you not only your permission, but your thoughts on situations.

The fact she is 17 and still asking is lovely. If I were you, I’d tell her to go and have a lovely time! She’s in a committed relationship (which at her age is also a very positive first experience), let them enjoy it. Surely if they are active anyway, you’d want her to enjoy the loving part of waking up in each others arms too.

it’s tough listening the reins, but it sounds as though you have raised a considerate / reasonable young lady - reward her now with your trust and some freedom.

Whats wrong with that? Why is she allowed to have sex but not spend the night sleeping with the person she loves?

You're just weird. You're making it ok to have sex which she can legally anyway but not do anything else which is loving and intimate? That's sending a very peculiar message.

If you know they're already sexually active, what on earth are you worried they're gonna do?! So actually sleeping together is somehow worse than "sleeping together " 🤣🤣

My Son stays overnight at his girlfriends house, I have no objections to her and she is a lovely respectful girl.

However I just can’t get past the ‘ick’ factor and my house is tiny with thin walls so you would hear everything in here so I just can’t have them here staying. Luckily my son gets the ick thing (works both ways apparently).

We are moving soon to a much bigger house and our bedrooms won’t even be on the same floor so I have no objections to her staying after we move.

They are a year on from your daughter both in age and relationship length and I think this is the next natural step in their relationship, you could risk ruining your relationship with your daughter over it, I think once it’s happened and you see nothing terrible happened then you’ll be ok with it.

It’s a tricky one, if I were in this situation I’d make sure I fully educate my child on safe sex and get them on contraception just to put your mind at ease xx