Is it ok to go out most nights?
16 answers /
Last post: 14/02/2024 at 8:52 pm
My OH goes out to his friends at least 3/4 times a week at night, (I know he’s definitely there) We have 2 kids, so more than likely they are both asleep by 9pm. He says he doesn’t want to sit and watch tv because it’s boring and I should think of other things to do. Bearing in mind we have 2 young kids in bed so I don’t really have a lot of ideas what we can do? I’ve suggested board games, couples massages or just a movie, but he’s told me he’s not wanting any of that and I should keep thinking. I’m literally going insane because what on earth can we do at night time when we are parents? I’ve spoken to a few coworkers who would be in a similar situation and they agreed with me. He either just doesn’t want to spend time with me or my ideas are not good enough, so what should I do? Rock and hard place here!! Any help or advice is appreciated!
Sounds like you have 3 children...
He has decided it is boring in the evenings and he does not like your suggestions so it is completely up to him to come up with ideas l that will be acceptable for him and suggest them to you.
What does he do at his mates house 3/4 nights a week? Could you do that at yours or intive them round.
You should go out a few times a week too and he can stay at home, I am sure he would come up with a compromise then.
He has a family, maybe needs to learn how to be an adult.
I'm sorry but the 'keep thinking' is his poor excuse to get out off it. You have made suggestions which he's snubbed every one, so I'd be telling him to 'keep thinking'. Your a couple/family, you both should be coming up with things to do not just you. I'd be pissed to be honest. He sounds like he doesn't want too. What's he doing at his mates. Watching TV? Playing games?. How about he looks after the little ones and you go out to your friends a couple of times a week. I'm sure that won't fly well with him.
I'm sorry but if he wanted to he would. It sounds like excuses.
My only advice is for him to come up with something as your ideas are not good enough.
Good luck
X
He just doesn't want to spend time with you or be a dad by the sounds of it. Unfortunately!
What does he do at his friend's that is so fun?
Drinking? Gaming?
Ask him what he wants to do, if he's not giving you what he wants to do it just means he doesn't want to do anything with you.
My best friends husband is like this. Its heartbreaking for her and the kids so I feel for you
A lot of people arent going to agree with my answer.
it is possible it will get better in time. My partner was like this for about the first 4 years of our currently 10 year relationship. It was almost every night. It was down to being immature & also felt he was losing himself once we had a family so I cut him some slack. Others will tell you they wouldnt put up with it & thats their opinion for their own life.
Over time he started bringing his friend to our house so he could still help out & now he has friends over when we arent busy.
I was in bed for work so it didnt bother me . In your case if you are looking to spend time with him tell him he needs to make time for you too. Hes got a family now and yes it can be boring. That 'boring' veiw should fade with maturity. Ask him to come up with suggestions of things to do .
I hope youre ok and you are able resolve it with your partner
A lot of people arent going to agree with my answer.
it is possible it will get better in time. My partner was like this for about the first 4 years of our currently 10 year relationship. It was almost every night. It was down to being immature & also felt he was losing himself once we had a family so I cut him some slack. Others will tell you they wouldnt put up with it & thats their opinion for their own life.
Over time he started bringing his friend to our house so he could still help out & now he has friends over when we arent busy.
I was in bed for work so it didnt bother me . In your case if you are looking to spend time with him tell him he needs to make time for you too. Hes got a family now and yes it can be boring. That 'boring' veiw should fade with maturity. Ask him to come up with suggestions of things to do .
I hope youre ok and you are able resolve it with your partner
Disagree with my answer**
Hey!
hope you're ok. Please don't let him make you think you are boring or the problem - its him. He doesnt sound like he brings much to this relationship anyway. If i were you
I'd find someone who does want to spend time with you cos you deserve better!
You tried to come up with ideas - you star. You sound lovely. When are you going out?
Apologies but men like this disgust me.
To the poster that talked about their partner ‘helping more’.. sorry, what???? It’s called parenting. My partner does not ‘help’. He takes his turn caring for our child.
Set your boundaries, Ciara. He is awful and you deserve better.
And so do your (and his) children.
xxx
I'd tell himto go and stay at his mates house permanently if that's his attitude! Why does he think he has the right to do that??? Don't twist yourself in knots thinking of ideas he's being a complete idiot (can think of far worse words but won't use them). You're right, he's in the wrong. Imagine you just decided to go out 4 nights a week and leave him at home. Maybe you should do that.
You deserve better if nights in are so boring why isn't he coming up with any ideas to spice the night up instead of bailing out.
I'd play him at his own game and before the kids get put to bed say to him
"You know I was thinking about what you said about it being boring staying in and you're right so I'm off out see ya"
Then leave him to put the kids to bed and stay in on his own like he leaves you on your own.
That's stupid! We have 3 kids. When kids all go bed around 10 we just chill watch our phones or watch a program or sometimes nothing it's normal family life it's not normal to go out every night and I'd be wondering if he is because who woukd have him round every single night! No parents do things at night maybe once a month get a takeaway but my partner doesn't spend one night away from me if he was out every night he be gone x
That's stupid! We have 3 kids. When kids all go bed around 10 we just chill watch our phones or watch a program or sometimes nothing it's normal family life it's not normal to go out every night and I'd be wondering if he is because who woukd have him round every single night! No parents do things at night maybe once a month get a takeaway but my partner doesn't spend one night away from me if he was out every night he be gone x
Also agree with other poster he can stay home with kids and you go do something x
How old are both of you? First of all. If you want family life that’s way it is. Honestly man dont really want children, they don’t fully understand family life.
Leave him the kids to look after and get a life- classes, gym, swim, book club
You tried to come up with ideas - you star. You sound lovely. When are you going out?
Apologies but men like this disgust me.
To the poster that talked about their partner ‘helping more’.. sorry, what???? It’s called parenting. My partner does not ‘help’. He takes his turn caring for our child.
Set your boundaries, Ciara. He is awful and you deserve better.
And so do your (and his) children.
xxx
Agree completely! My ex used to refer to it as babysitting when it was his own children (probably why he’s the ex). You are meant to be a team, if that bores him tell him to find his own solutions
