Boyfriend has been lying, not sure what to do

Hi Gemma, my names Hayley. I'm so sorry to hear your story and I do feel for you. It's horrendous when you know your partners been lying to you and bringing them into your own home is disgusting in itself. You deserve better and that's what it comes down to....and your son deserves better. I know it's hard and I know u said uv been no angel but what he has done is lower than low. You have 3 choices, u can live the rest of your life with him being paranoid? 2, u can stay with him but pull away emotionally...just see him as someone benefiting you-no feelings nothing (now this is very hard to do, I am a dab hand at this and I do it a lot through past trauma) or 3 which is separate. I think as it's your mam who owns the home she can have a big say in whether he lives there or not. I know u said she has dementia so that's difficult but trust me if u want him out u can do it. Every woman says they can't manage financially with out their ex.....until that's no other choice. U deserve better and your son deserves better xxxx

Thank you Hayley, I had a better sleep last night, feeling more positive today. i just can't stop thinking of the texts, no matter what I do , it's always on my mind, i sort of zone out. all the best. G x

Hi Gemma,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic unhealthy relationships board, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Gemma

I’m Lauren one of the parent supporters here on Netmums. I’m sorry to read what you have discovered about your partner using escorts like this. I hope you have some good support around you.

You have been trying to work out the practicalities of housing and finances. A few places that could help with that are citizens advice bureau and shelter. You may also want to check out what benefits you would be entitled to. This link should help with that https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

You deserve a lot more than this Gemma. Getting your information will help you make the decisions you need to make. We are here to listen and support you too

Cheating is bad with anyone but at least 20 is terrible. You said you haven’t been an angel so I guessing you have cheated too possibly. Regardless I would be getting out. He has no respect for you and the amount suggests something is wrong with him or in your relationship. One of my friends is like this he cheated on his girlfriend at least 8 times last year yet he claims to love her. I don’t understand that really x

Wow this brought back a lot of memories. I have been in this very situation with my ex. My ex who we will call pinnochio for numerous reasons, was doing this. Like your partner he swore blind he didn't do it, it's not like it looks....blah blah. So I got his old phone and true enough there were messages from a site hooking up....also on my birthday. The birthday he forgot EVERY year. So I approached him and asked him about the messages. Of course he told me how like everything I'm reading into these things what I shouldn't, he didn't do it. So I said to him, if I found out that he did it.... he was out on his a***. So I got the number off the phone and sent this woman a text message. Told her that I was the friend of pinnochio and that he had said what a fantastic time he had and that I should contact her for the same treatment he got. Anyway, I totally played the part. I managed to get out of her EVERY little gorey detail of what they did etc. He was at work and I packed his stuff up and called him, told him that I knew everything, his stuff was out in the garage and that he had 24 hours to collect his stuff or it was going to the tip. I would rather stay on my own, struggle my backside off, take on extra hours at work than live and even sleep with a man like that, that rather than try work through issues he goes and gets his jollies outside the relationship. Was it hard, absolutely, but I would do it again. I'd check if you have a tenancy agreement with your mom, who is on the tenancy agreement and make sure if you do something like I did, that it's legal. Call a lawyer for some advice if you have to but make sure its legal. Mine was legal as it was my house and I got advice after I kicked him out, but I did make sure of it. Good luck!!!

I hope you find a way through this - just to say I know how it eats away at you. Years ago I found some cards written to my husband from an unknown woman and also some he’d written to her but not sent ( who knows how many may have been sent?) - too feeble to ask him outright and it’s always on my mind thinking he’s cheated even if it was emotionally. It’s so hurtful and I feel a fool . Your situation is even worse of course, actually having women into your home, just beyond the pale. I hope you’re ok and you make some good decisions about your future, just wanted you to know I understand how it plays on your mind. Also for me it’s too late, my husband is unwell and I have become his carer - but you have time to decide what you must do. Xx

Hi Gemma, like you I found out my husband had been cheating on me. This was when my daughter was 2 years old. Although I had all the proof I needed, I said nothing, probably because I was too scared of making it on my own financially. It too nearly killed me, I was a wreck. Fast forward 20 miserable years, we broke up for something completely unrelated, in fact I walked out on him. I now sit alone and think that I wasted the last 20 years of my life. I wish to god I had dumped his sorry ***** back then. Please Gemma 🙏🏼, don’t be like me, I promise, you will be fine. xx

Totally your choice where you go from here but when trust is gone its extremely hard to get back.

Alot of people always think they wont cope finance wise alone but believe me you will, i mean he was paying escorts meanin he had more money free an available anyway which he coulda better used elsewhere tbh.

Its all about could you trust again if not time to take the jump and show your a boss mama

I couldn't say it better myself. You deserve so much better and if you stay you will never know better. Take it from someone who is in the final stages of a divorce after giving everything to a 21 year marriage only to be asked to give more by a man who will always be selfish. Had I continued it would send me to an early grave. I said NO and my health has significantly improved already. Get out for yours and your son's sake.

The best thing you can do in a situation like that , is call it time up. Other wise he will think we'll your not doing nothing about it , so I will do what I want.

Do not stand for it regardless .

You have a child and he sense there's a problem and he shouldn't have to go through that .

Call time out . For safty

If u ever need to chat just message me. I know what it's like, u forget for a moment then it hits u all over again. Each time u will get braver and braver. Even posting on here-thats brave in itself ! X

You will get stronger each day ,

I've been there , then one morning after doing everything, I turned and told him , the door you walked through is the one your going out of . Enough is enough . Good bye , have a a nice life and call me to arrange visits with your child.