Just existing - please don't read if triggered by rape etc

I don't know how to start this but I think I just want acknowledgement that I'm here in reality and I'm human so don't worry about giving advice etc as I just don't think anyone can help but I just need someone to see what I am writing, to be heard maybe. I have no friends at all - no one to talk to either.

Although i came from a well off family, I've not had the best start to life... was bullied throughout school for looking different and then one night I was raped by several men a week before my 15th birthday. I took an overdose that night after it happened and was admitted to hospital. No one asked why I'd taken the overdose and I wouldn't have told them anyway as at that time I thought it was my fault for being in a pub at that age. I continued at school the next week with the bullying and I just accepted that this was life.

I left school, took lots of Ecstacy and raved my way through the late 90s and early 00s trying to find happiness. I had terrible relationships during this time - lots of violence inflicted on me and I also put myself in shocking sexual situations and hung out with very dangerous criminals in Manchester. My best friend also died around this time

Then I met the man I'm with now. He was kind, gentle and treated me like a lady for the first year. We had a beautiful child together and he's grown to be such a responsible well grounded and happy lad. My relationship with my partner has increasingly got worse over the years. He has terrible depression and I have to lift him up and support him all the time. We also have a disabled daughter who is very hard work so things get bad for me so I spend most of my time making them both happy and safe. My partner lashes out at me a lot...not physically but mentally and I know he's telling the truth when he shouts and makes digs about my appearance and personality because look at my life history. He says I don't look after myself but then gets angry when I ask for some money to buy make up etc. I have absolutely no money of my own - I used to have a fantastic career but I had to give it up 5 years ago as my daughter wasn't in school. I've been fighting for a school place for my daughter for the last 4 years and she is getting so depressed from all the waiting and social exclusion she's experiencing. I'm just at a loss of what to do. I'm clearly the bad omen in this life so I just think maybe I should just cease. I couldn't commit suicide as SUICIDE as I couldn't do that to my partner and my son and daughter but I think having a fatal accident may be the way.

I just needed someone to read this.

I'm so sorry of anyone gets triggered by this I really am. I just think I'm a waste of life and maybe this just isn't real?! I don't know. Anyway I'm sorry.