Pregnant - 10 year age gap! DD wants a sister but it's a brother.
7 answers /
Last post: 06/01/2024 at 11:06 pm
Hi all,
I am just looking for some reassurance really or some similar situations...
My daughter is 9, she will be 10 when this current baby boy is born.
The reason for the huge age gap is money and the panademic and career changes etc, there just wasnt a right time until now to have another and we were very worried as to whether to go for it or not.
Well, we decdided to have a go and this baby happened to be a one hit wonder! I expected to be trying for at least a few months so whilst we're delighted, he is a huge shock and adjustment and not even here yet!
My daughter, until now, has taken the news really well! Been so excited and proud to tell all her friends, but since finding out it's a boy her enthusiam has waned. She told me last night she deep down really wanted a sister and feels sad about it.
I understand how she feels... and I also feel sad as it was so lovely to see her excitment as I may be being naive but with the huge change about to happen, I just want her to be as thrilled as possible and this is something I cant fix.
I guess it stems down to my deep fear of them not being close or having any sort of relationship due to the age gap, I suppose I hoped if they were same gender at least they would have that in common.
Am I being unreasonable?
I am just so worried about it, 10 year age gap are so rare. Will it work? She is so precious to me... I just hope I havent ruined her life.
Any ideas how to get her excited about having a bro vs sis?
Also, any advice on having a little boy after a little girl? I know they are all unique, but all feels very new to me! and daunting!
Thanks and Happy New Year!!!
Hi there, congrats on the new arrival.
I have 2 daughters aged 11y & 22y. I was the same as you, mainly with my youngest. However since my son arrived 6 months ago, both girls have surprised me and i couldnt be prouder. They love having a baby brother, the youngest has even said that home feels complete now.
Try not to worry, i did let my youngest know it wouldnt always be easy as babies are hard work but would be completely worth it. Even more so now he is giggling and laughing at the silly noises & faces they make to him. I do make sure i make time for just my youngest and me, we have regular cuddles without baby, equally i let her have as many snuggles with her brother, letting her push the pram etc. Its just finding the right balance and making sure everyone is included.
Hi there,
Ten years is OK as an age gap I was told by a psychologist. He said its more than 11 years where they might struggle.
I've got no evidence to back that up but he had done some reading around the subject.
There's a ten year age gap between our eldest and youngest, I don't think it's as unusual as you think it is. They adore each other and in many ways better than a smaller age gap because the elder sibling can have responsibilities, then as they get older they can do things with them, like go to the park or cinema etc. Stuff that couldn't happen if they were closer in age.
I shouldn't worry about your daughter being disappointed, I'm sure that if you handle things the right way, she will love her brother and insurable her that protective feeling for him. After all babies are babies until they get a bit older and start to develop their personalities.
Just involve her in all the big decisions- room colour, bottles, toys, etc
Mind she might take over🤣 12.5 yr age gap
Congratulations
As previous stated , more common that you think - step siblings etc
Try not to over think it .
Your daughter has had your undivided attention for 10 years , so it will be different ,yes - gender of the baby is irrelevant I think .
She will be fine 🙏
Pros and cons of any age gap - when small age gap you worry you are spreading yourself too thin (attention to a baby and toddler , not to mention paraphernalia for both leaving the house )
There’s 8 years between my nephew and niece and they’re extremely close. I don’t think it matters that much tbh. They’ll find things to help bond them as time goes on. I think you’re maybe over thinking it a bit. It’s natural for your daughter to be a bit disappointed as I think most girls want a sister and boys a brother but I’m sure she’ll love him once he’s here 💕
It’s definitely not unusual, or rare, a lot of people have bigger age gaps as it’s more unexpected, and don’t think it will happen.
She may be sad now, but just involve her in buying clothes, and baby bits for her new brother. When he’s here, she can also be involved with bath time, helping get the nappies while you change, feeding, getting the baby dressed. No doubt she will change when he’s here, but try to keep her involved as much as you can.
Just try to remind her that no matter that he’s a boy, he will still like to play in the parks, on the swings, slides, and other things she enjoys.
