Am I to blame for my baby not seeing her dad?
8 answers /
Last post: 05/02/2024 at 9:19 pm
A couple of years ago my ex and I had a huge fight, the police were called and social services got involved. I was advised to get a child arrangement order in place. I have been given residency of my child but there is a section seven in place against the father as caffcass are involved. My child is four and misses their dad but there is a no contact order in place for the next few months until the next court date. I have been receiving messages from the dad telling me that this is all down to me and I should be ashamed of myself. I have also had his family telling me I’ve treated him appallingly. I have always advocated contact, supervised, but apparently this isn’t good enough. The problem is the father’s alcohol consumption when the little one is around. The thing is after the last lot of messages I have blocked him and his family in all respects. They expect me to break the court order and take my child to see them but I know they will allow him to be there. I want my child to have both parents but I don’t understand why they can’t be patient and wait for court as I was willing to make a statement that I was happy for him to see the baby with supervision for a certain time and when he proves he can be sober then take it from there. I have been told in the last day or so that he has been seen drinking in the street still so im tempted to change my mind. I’m not sure but all I want is for my child to be safe and happy
Hiya tracy
If the only issue Is his alcohol consumption and his child means that much to him and his family think this is so unfair why aren't they putting him in rehab to get him sober properly and stop drinking all together for the sake of his child .... the family verbally abusing you is disgusting your not to blame for his drink problem your protecting your child from possible injury or harm how's he going to keep safe a child when he can barely see his hand in front of his face.... block the lot of them screen shot every message you've received print them out and next time your in court show the judge what sort of messages you receive and how your spoken to and treated by the people that want to be so involved in the situation they are not doing anything constructive to help their family member get contact apart from hurl abuse at you screen shot and block the lot of them you know your doing this for the right reason it's not a petty game it's your child's safety and well being end of wait till court hun
Hiya tracy
If the only issue Is his alcohol consumption and his child means that much to him and his family think this is so unfair why aren't they putting him in rehab to get him sober properly and stop drinking all together for the sake of his child .... the family verbally abusing you is disgusting your not to blame for his drink problem your protecting your child from possible injury or harm how's he going to keep safe a child when he can barely see his hand in front of his face.... block the lot of them screen shot every message you've received print them out and next time your in court show the judge what sort of messages you receive and how your spoken to and treated by the people that want to be so involved in the situation they are not doing anything constructive to help their family member get contact apart from hurl abuse at you screen shot and block the lot of them you know your doing this for the right reason it's not a petty game it's your child's safety and well being end of wait till court hun
Thank you, I do know this but start to doubt myself especially when the little one sees pics and asks where’s dad. I have been screenshotting and sending my family the messages so if something happens to mine then someone has them. I’m just so tired of being made to feel like the bad person. But as social services and courts have made the case against him then it’s clear he is the problem. He has also been in rehab multiple times before I met him. Clearly didn’t work. I had an arrangement to meet his mother to see the lo a few weeks ago, I told her specifically he wasn’t to be there. Within the hour he had turned up and she sent me messages saying how disgusted she was with how I treated him as he was so excited. I refused to speak to him which I think was fair. I also left pretty sharply as I don’t want to be in a situation where I’m in trouble for their actions
Thank you, I do know this but start to doubt myself especially when the little one sees pics and asks where’s dad. I have been screenshotting and sending my family the messages so if something happens to mine then someone has them. I’m just so tired of being made to feel like the bad person. But as social services and courts have made the case against him then it’s clear he is the problem. He has also been in rehab multiple times before I met him. Clearly didn’t work. I had an arrangement to meet his mother to see the lo a few weeks ago, I told her specifically he wasn’t to be there. Within the hour he had turned up and she sent me messages saying how disgusted she was with how I treated him as he was so excited. I refused to speak to him which I think was fair. I also left pretty sharply as I don’t want to be in a situation where I’m in trouble for their actions
But at present there is a no contact order in place is this no contact with yourself and your child or just yourself ...the fact he showed up knowingly that this order is in effect at present then he is in breach and this should absolutely go against him when making a decision regarding a long term contact with your child I mean if he can't and or is unwilling to abide by a simple instruction that's in place now ie no contact then how will he keep to the arrangements agreed in court .. he's absolutely showing he believes he's above the court..so me personally I'd say block them all or if you feel this won't bode well do not respond to any further contact and use it as evidence that he's been served with a no contact order but keeps contacting you he is not above the law and shouldn't get away with it he's supposed to be a role model but he's acting like a petulant child that can't get his own way in my opinion hunni xx
But at present there is a no contact order in place is this no contact with yourself and your child or just yourself ...the fact he showed up knowingly that this order is in effect at present then he is in breach and this should absolutely go against him when making a decision regarding a long term contact with your child I mean if he can't and or is unwilling to abide by a simple instruction that's in place now ie no contact then how will he keep to the arrangements agreed in court .. he's absolutely showing he believes he's above the court..so me personally I'd say block them all or if you feel this won't bode well do not respond to any further contact and use it as evidence that he's been served with a no contact order but keeps contacting you he is not above the law and shouldn't get away with it he's supposed to be a role model but he's acting like a petulant child that can't get his own way in my opinion hunni xx
You have hit the nail on the head. He is a child who doesn’t like not getting his own way. The order is that he doesn’t have contact with our child. I have reported him for messages he has sent me and been told to report to police for harassment. He has turned up to other things and I’ve been made to feel so bad telling him to either leave or if he turns up I will contact the police as he is in breach. He thinks he’s a good dad, unfortunately he’s not. If he was there would not be a problem in the first place. I have blocked for now but I’m thinking this could go against me in some way. Maybe I’m overthinking but I’ve never had this situation before and it worries me. I’m going to keep no contact until I get advice from either a solicitor or caffcass. Thank you for your advice as I just wanted to know I wasn’t being unreasonable by keeping to the rules x
You have hit the nail on the head. He is a child who doesn’t like not getting his own way. The order is that he doesn’t have contact with our child. I have reported him for messages he has sent me and been told to report to police for harassment. He has turned up to other things and I’ve been made to feel so bad telling him to either leave or if he turns up I will contact the police as he is in breach. He thinks he’s a good dad, unfortunately he’s not. If he was there would not be a problem in the first place. I have blocked for now but I’m thinking this could go against me in some way. Maybe I’m overthinking but I’ve never had this situation before and it worries me. I’m going to keep no contact until I get advice from either a solicitor or caffcass. Thank you for your advice as I just wanted to know I wasn’t being unreasonable by keeping to the rules x
Hi Tracy
Your absolutely right in what your doing darl an order has been put in place for a reason and you upholding that is what's expected your not responsible for his actions or feelings keep them all blocked if he turns up at your home or where you are call the police immediately each breach will go against him and well if the court decides he's not fit for contact then that's on him for not sticking to the law that has been placed actions have consequences and if he keeps messing up then that's really his own fault Tracy your actions and steps are to ensure your child's well being and safety keep doing what your doing keep your head high and don't let anyone make you feel bad for putting your child first as all parents should children first every time xx
Stick to your guns, follow the order and put you and your child first.
My son’s father drinks and uses drugs regularly and has refused all help to sober up. His family are just as bad not seeing how big his problems are and almost enable him.
You must follow the order or this can possibly be seen as you putting your child at risk.
I gave my ex so many chances and supported him every way possible but if he won’t admit the problem he won’t address it and will therefore miss out on his son.
I have a non mol in place for myself and our son due to abuse.
Let us know how you get on 😊
It's all a game to them. It all comes under the umbrella of domestic abuse. Its emotional abuse.
Here is a link to Al-Anon UK which is for those who have someone around there life affected by another drinking.
You go nowhere near any of them. If you do you will get less support from the police and services. Good luck.
My ex is alcoholic (not in recovery) and I had a dysfunctional childhood so I get how hard it is for you.
