Partner working too much

I can understand how that would feel very overwhelming but why did you keep having children when you felt this way?

What does he do for work may I ask? I think it would help to put into perspective the situation. Why has it suddenly become a necessity for him to socialise with clients? Is this necessary as a part of his job and why wasn't it the case before? When does he take time off work, if he takes it when the children are at school, that says something. Does he enjoy family life or is work perhaps an escapism for him.

Unfortunately for you, you don't have an escape and I would look to finding friends and mum groups where you can go and socialise and just someone to talk too..The app Peanut I found even if it's someone to talk to online was helpful. I'd definetely look into taking an online course and even when the children are old enough - doing some volunteering. I had no work experience. You could even do a degree part time with the Open University. I did this a few years ago and I got a Level 4 qualification in Health and Social Care through it; alongside my volunteering it allowed me to secure a job to start out when my children were of school age. I paused my degree due to life events, but I'm starting up again this year and once I'm qualified and my youngest child starts school I will be looking to get a better job and move upwards.

Unfortunately you can't convince someone to change or see your point of view and a good partner should be there supporting you as much as they can without needing to be asked. If you can't look to your partner for that, I'm sorry that's the case, have a think about what it is you really want and can expect from him and how you want to move forward and take charge of your own happiness without having to rely on him x

if I was you I would find a class to do, even a gym class once a week. Something that is your own. Don’t focus on trying to control your partner, focus on yourself. Tell him you need something for yourself and let him look after the children for an hour or so. You need to slowly assert your independence and needs and relinquish some of primary care giver role. U do need to find some friends, but that will come once you start to establish a bit of an identity of you own.

Hi, it's hard work being at home with young children, I remember it well. My saviour was going to toddler groups where I met some fantastic friends. We arranged playdates at each others houses and parks etc. Also mommy nights out yo let our hair down. Ask on local Facebook sites to find toddler groups- you most probably will find life long friends like I have.

Good luck to you.

I thought that too if youve been with him 12yrs and he's always worked hard more children will just make it harder for you and give him more incentive to work because he's financially supporting you all. But nothing you can do about that now.

It would be nice if he took time off yes off course it would and when they've grown up he'll probably realise how much he missed. He definitely should spend his holidays in term time but maybe family life with 5 kids is too full on for him so work is his escape.

I’ve always loved being a mum so back when we were going from 1-2 and 2-3 it really didn’t seem to bother me at all if I was alone every day etc, I just thoroughly enjoyed being a full time mum. We had 3 and 4 very close together and I did start to struggle at that point, I had decided after number 4 that our family was complete… I was still breastfeeding number 4 at just over a year and started to feel a bit run down but didn’t suspect pregnancy as me and my partner just didn’t have the time for all that… Turns out we must have done at some point as I was pregnant. Decided on a termination as I just knew I was at my limit but went for a scan and was told I was already 17 weeks along so I knew then I was having another baby as I could not have gone through with it at that stage. So glad we kept number 5 now as she is a little darling and I love her so much but I knew it would be tough going. Just trying every day to just plod on and I know it will get easier but I think maybe I had some postnatal depression after my 4th and having a 5th didn’t help. It’s life and I’m doing the best I can x

Sorry I’ve numbered all of my children which seems a little odd lol, just don’t want to share their names on here etc x

I completely agree. I think I need to find a life of my own now, although that makes me sad saying that out loud as I’ve always been a full time mum so it’s all I know and I really loved it at one point (I still do love it and wouldn’t change a thing) but it just all feels heavier now :-( Feel so rubbish about the way I’m feeling x

That’s hardly helpful 🙄

Hi,

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all.

you have five kids . That’s a lot and your youngest three are very small. It’s hard !

your husband sounds like he works very hard but life’s not all about work and bringing the money in.

it’s about making time and memories with your wife and kids too.

There needs to be a balance .

My dad was a widowed single parent to three very young children and he worked two jobs and raised us . He always says you can’t just live your whole life about work .

I used to have a similar situation with my kids and husband .

can you try and speak to him , in a non nagging way (not to say you nag-but sometimes you have to approach these baby men delicately) ?

Tell him you’re not happy or thriving . It’s getting you down. And can you come up with something to improve on things .

if he’s unable to take holidays off , can he at leas take one day off a month or even three weeks or so. For you to have time as a family .

and if he is working so hard then can he pay for kids to be in nursery couple days a week?

it’s natural to feel guilt at this prospect , I used fo too but I would tell myself that it would overall

Make Me a better mother, having some time to myself.