My boyfriend wants me to get an abortion but I don’t
15 answers /
Last post: 28/01/2024 at 10:17 am
Bit of a back ground story !
im 21 my partners 21 we have been together 4 years, i have some illnesses and I have PCOS,
I found out a week ago that I’m 10 weeks 4 days pregnant with my FIRST baby after being told I cannot have children.
my boyfriend knows that I struggle to conceive. My doctor told me that if I was to get pregnant it would be unlikely that I’ll get pregnant again.
this pregnancy has come at a strange and awkward time because me and my partner have just brought our first home a year ago and it’s a complete renovation. Only our bedroom is complete. Kitchen is being fitted within next 5 months and living room will be complete within the next 5 months aswell.
my partner has a good income and so do I,
I must admit with all this house work going on we are left broke at the end of every month. But I know things will get better once the work is done.
basically I don’t want to get an abortion at all, I’ve been none stop crying for the last week and I feel MENTALLY exhausted just thinking about giving up this baby. But my partner has said WE need To get an abortion because we are not prepared for this baby at all. With all the house work being done.
he says when the baby arrives he thinks he’ll resent it because of what it’s going to cause and he thinks it will break us. He also thinks he’ll loose his life and his life will be finished.
I on the other hand believe 100% that we can work through this together and be great parents. I know it will be tough and that we will struggle and yes we will probably argue. But I know well I believe that we are strong enough to over come it together and work on this together. He believes that this baby is the worst possible thing to happen. And although I understand about the timing of the baby. Because it has come at an unexpected and very worrying time. I know we can make it work. Anyway. He forced me into contacting an abortion clinic and I’m due an appointment within the next week. But the thought of termination this pregnancy makes me so so angry and upset because I do not want to terminate, This could be my only chance to get pregnant. He knows that. And he’s willing to risk me never having a family. I told him. That with or without him by myside This is my only chance at being a mum. He can find someone else and get pregnant. But I can’t. This is it for me. And he still wants me to terminate because he thinks the time isn’t right
please help
Let me ask you a question:
Which is more important to you- having a child, or being with this particular man?
A man, who you say is willing to risk you never having a child, and books you in for an abortion without your consent.
A man who apparently cares more for his own lifestyle than he does for his partner's health and wellbeing.
If you have this abortion, will you get over it in a few months and enjoy being with your partner with no hard feelings at all, or will you resent him for making you have an abortion?
If you don't abort, is he the sort of man who will accept your decision with good grace and support you, or is he the sort who will use it as an excuse to either leave or worse, to make you feel bad and blame you for any future problems you may face?
I'm going to predict that if you have the abortion one of two things will happen. Either the pair of you will stay together and you'll be forever unhappy about what he's done, and he'll know that he can make you do whatever he wants regardless of your own feelings.
Or you'll end up without your baby and without this man.
Ultimately it's up to you. But make sure you make the decision you want to make, not the one you feel you ought to make or the one that suits other people.
Hi Jessica
I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sorry to hear how difficult things have been between you and your partner since you found out you are pregnant. It's really normal for people to feel worried or conflicted when a pregnancy wasn't planned but please don't feel pressurised into making a decision that doesn't feel right for you. You've been really opening in sharing with us how you feel and I wonder if you have had a chance to chat to any one else in your support network, like a friend or family member? What advice would they give? If you imagine life in 5 years, how would it look?
I can see you've already had some advice and support from Kirk and hopefully there will also be more of our community along soon too.
Take care
Catherine
Let me ask you a question:
Which is more important to you- having a child, or being with this particular man?
A man, who you say is willing to risk you never having a child, and books you in for an abortion without your consent.
A man who apparently cares more for his own lifestyle than he does for his partner's health and wellbeing.
If you have this abortion, will you get over it in a few months and enjoy being with your partner with no hard feelings at all, or will you resent him for making you have an abortion?
If you don't abort, is he the sort of man who will accept your decision with good grace and support you, or is he the sort who will use it as an excuse to either leave or worse, to make you feel bad and blame you for any future problems you may face?
I'm going to predict that if you have the abortion one of two things will happen. Either the pair of you will stay together and you'll be forever unhappy about what he's done, and he'll know that he can make you do whatever he wants regardless of your own feelings.
Or you'll end up without your baby and without this man.
Ultimately it's up to you. But make sure you make the decision you want to make, not the one you feel you ought to make or the one that suits other people.
Thankyou so much for your reply ! I really appreciate it and I’ve taken everything you said on board. I’m going to speak to my partner tonight and let him know that I’m 100% not going through with an abortion and that I want to have this baby
Hi Jessica
I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sorry to hear how difficult things have been between you and your partner since you found out you are pregnant. It's really normal for people to feel worried or conflicted when a pregnancy wasn't planned but please don't feel pressurised into making a decision that doesn't feel right for you. You've been really opening in sharing with us how you feel and I wonder if you have had a chance to chat to any one else in your support network, like a friend or family member? What advice would they give? If you imagine life in 5 years, how would it look?
I can see you've already had some advice and support from Kirk and hopefully there will also be more of our community along soon too.
Take care
Catherine
Thankyou so much for your reply and the only person I’ve told other than my partner is my best friend and she knows how much I’ve struggled with conceiving and she knows that this is my only chance at being a mum. And she’s told me to keep the baby if that’s what I want. And it is what I want. Im just really scared of my partner not wanting anything to do with me or baby. Since I want a family but I only want a family if it’s with him.
I want him to enjoy this whole experience with me but I don’t think he will
Thankyou so much for your reply and the only person I’ve told other than my partner is my best friend and she knows how much I’ve struggled with conceiving and she knows that this is my only chance at being a mum. And she’s told me to keep the baby if that’s what I want. And it is what I want. Im just really scared of my partner not wanting anything to do with me or baby. Since I want a family but I only want a family if it’s with him.
I want him to enjoy this whole experience with me but I don’t think he will
Hi Jessica
If you know 100% you'll forever regret going through with an abortion and this is your one and only chance to carry and birth your own child then follow your heart do not be pushed into an irreversible procedure once its done it can't be undone your body your choice his lack of compassion is selfish he's only thinking about the impact this unborn life will have On him babys never come along at the right time there's never a right time they happen when they are meant to I fell pregnant unexpectedly last year I'm currently 30 weeks take a couple of days and this baby totally unplanned wasn't even trying my last child I had 5 years ago.so you can imagine my shock when I got two pink lines and I'll be honest I thought about an abortion my 5year old is autistic and I worried would we manage etc but I knew in my heart aborting would of killed me I'd regret it and I can't wait to have our little man in my arms in 9 weeks .... if having this little one is everything you wanted and would complete your life then let your boyfriend know matter of fact no this my only chance at being a mum I'm not letting you or anyone take this opportunity away from me only God can take away what he gave me so you can either support me or not support me but an abortion is not happening ...
Jessica, if you want this baby have it!
There's no guarantee any relationship is for life but the one growing inside you.
If your partner forces you to abort you'll never look at him the same and you'll hate yourself for doing it.
Babies don't ever obey a convenient timeline, something is always happening in life!
Also I'd see another gyno as saying you have a one hit wonder womb seems unlikely. A second opinion at your age is most definitely worthwhile.
Let us know how you get on!
Jessica, if you want this baby have it!
There's no guarantee any relationship is for life but the one growing inside you.
If your partner forces you to abort you'll never look at him the same and you'll hate yourself for doing it.
Babies don't ever obey a convenient timeline, something is always happening in life!
Also I'd see another gyno as saying you have a one hit wonder womb seems unlikely. A second opinion at your age is most definitely worthwhile.
Let us know how you get on!
Thankyou so much for
your reply !
ive seen 6+ doctors and fertility doctors
ive undergone tests and everything
my fertility rate is next to none.
I have a very weak body as I’ve got a load of different health issues. I’ll list them for you x
- thyroid issues
- kidney issues
- going blind and need surgery
- ulcer in my stomach next to my ovaries
- suffer with anxiety
- suffer with depression
- PCOS
- suspected endometriosis
- currently have CT scans and bloods done because I have a suspected tumour on my brain
- fluid on my spine
- and I’m developing osteoarthritis in my spine and legs
Thankyou so much for
your reply !
ive seen 6+ doctors and fertility doctors
ive undergone tests and everything
my fertility rate is next to none.
I have a very weak body as I’ve got a load of different health issues. I’ll list them for you x
- thyroid issues
- kidney issues
- going blind and need surgery
- ulcer in my stomach next to my ovaries
- suffer with anxiety
- suffer with depression
- PCOS
- suspected endometriosis
- currently have CT scans and bloods done because I have a suspected tumour on my brain
- fluid on my spine
- and I’m developing osteoarthritis in my spine and legs
That's a lot you have going on, have you discussed the health risks of carrying a child with your doctor?
That's a lot you have going on, have you discussed the health risks of carrying a child with your doctor?
I have yes !
I think my main concern though. Is bringing a baby into this world while we are in a renovation, The only room that’s done in the bedroom that we sleep in. Every other room is ripped back to brick. Plaster board as the floors.
Even though I know the kitchen is paid for and it’s due to be fitted before baby arrives.
and living can’t be done until kitchen is done as they have a connecting wall that we need to create holes in. So we cannot finish downstairs until kitchen is fitted which is 4-5 months away.
it’s scaring me a lot.
knowing that my partner is taking all that into consideration with his choose for abortion. Because I do know he is right. It’s scary to bring a baby into a house that isn’t a home. But no matter what he’s said about our lack of money right now and the lack of home to live in, I cannot agree with him that aborting is the right choice. No matter what he tells me No matter how many reasons he gives me for not keeping this baby right now. I can’t agree to terminate. And it’s scaring me. I have all these worries in the back of mind about the house and money and time and our relationships health. But non of that is a good enough reason to terminate. I know I can make it work. I know I will be happy with this baby. And I will figure it all out. But he doesn’t want to figure it out. He just doesn’t want it now. And it’s scaring me so much
please give me some advice
I feel like my hearts breaking just thinking of an abortion
attaching a picture of the state of our house
bedroom complete
kitchen diner
Bathroom
garden
I have yes !
I think my main concern though. Is bringing a baby into this world while we are in a renovation, The only room that’s done in the bedroom that we sleep in. Every other room is ripped back to brick. Plaster board as the floors.
Even though I know the kitchen is paid for and it’s due to be fitted before baby arrives.
and living can’t be done until kitchen is done as they have a connecting wall that we need to create holes in. So we cannot finish downstairs until kitchen is fitted which is 4-5 months away.
it’s scaring me a lot.
knowing that my partner is taking all that into consideration with his choose for abortion. Because I do know he is right. It’s scary to bring a baby into a house that isn’t a home. But no matter what he’s said about our lack of money right now and the lack of home to live in, I cannot agree with him that aborting is the right choice. No matter what he tells me No matter how many reasons he gives me for not keeping this baby right now. I can’t agree to terminate. And it’s scaring me. I have all these worries in the back of mind about the house and money and time and our relationships health. But non of that is a good enough reason to terminate. I know I can make it work. I know I will be happy with this baby. And I will figure it all out. But he doesn’t want to figure it out. He just doesn’t want it now. And it’s scaring me so much
please give me some advice
I feel like my hearts breaking just thinking of an abortion
attaching a picture of the state of our house
bedroom complete
kitchen diner
Bathroom
garden
A lot will change in 28 weeks!!
I too had taken on a huge home project when our surprise pregnancy was found. We too had the abortion conversation which turned into a debate but I was 12 wks and when I was scanned I couldn't entertain the thought any longer. I told my OH if we abort we won't survive because I won't be able to go on the same. I won't survive and I truly believe it would've killed me. So we went ahead with a high risk pregnancy.
We had just put a roof on our extension pulled out our kitchen and torn down the back wall. My baby at the time had turned 15 yrs and I was taking HRT so IT was the biggest shock of my life!!!
I spent the new arrivals first month and my last month of pregnancy sleeping on our sitting room floor as the attic was also being converted. The builders air locked the area they were working on with plastic sheeting to keep as much dust as possible away and entered the house through the roof, it was mayhem but we got through it! As will you guys if you choose to!
You'll find your family and friends will help with all the babies things and you'll need to get very little. I can offer you a next to me sleeper, travel system and clothing from newborn up to 9 months if you have a girl. I'm sure many others could too!
Most Men IMO swoon about their baby only after meeting holding and cuddling them, your OH will probably be the same!
It will cause stress and it's not pleasant living in a building site heavily pregnant. Sometimes you may need to get away from it all. Try find a way to rid yourself of all the stress you're feeling right now, it's not good for the baby, have an honest conversation with your OH about how you feel and put yourself first if needs be.
I hope this helps and the offer is there if you need any baby things down the line but the most important thing right now is for mammy to be calm and remember your surroundings will change, it's only a temporary problem and whats to come is absolutely amazing!!!
❤️
A lot will change in 28 weeks!!
I too had taken on a huge home project when our surprise pregnancy was found. We too had the abortion conversation which turned into a debate but I was 12 wks and when I was scanned I couldn't entertain the thought any longer. I told my OH if we abort we won't survive because I won't be able to go on the same. I won't survive and I truly believe it would've killed me. So we went ahead with a high risk pregnancy.
We had just put a roof on our extension pulled out our kitchen and torn down the back wall. My baby at the time had turned 15 yrs and I was taking HRT so IT was the biggest shock of my life!!!
I spent the new arrivals first month and my last month of pregnancy sleeping on our sitting room floor as the attic was also being converted. The builders air locked the area they were working on with plastic sheeting to keep as much dust as possible away and entered the house through the roof, it was mayhem but we got through it! As will you guys if you choose to!
You'll find your family and friends will help with all the babies things and you'll need to get very little. I can offer you a next to me sleeper, travel system and clothing from newborn up to 9 months if you have a girl. I'm sure many others could too!
Most Men IMO swoon about their baby only after meeting holding and cuddling them, your OH will probably be the same!
It will cause stress and it's not pleasant living in a building site heavily pregnant. Sometimes you may need to get away from it all. Try find a way to rid yourself of all the stress you're feeling right now, it's not good for the baby, have an honest conversation with your OH about how you feel and put yourself first if needs be.
I hope this helps and the offer is there if you need any baby things down the line but the most important thing right now is for mammy to be calm and remember your surroundings will change, it's only a temporary problem and whats to come is absolutely amazing!!!
❤️
That’s just made me feel 100x better about my choice of not wanting to abort !! Thankyou so much for being open with me. I appreciate it ! And thankyou so much for your offer it means the world
I’m scheduled in for my first midwife app tomorrow afternoon !!!
I’ll keep you updated
That’s just made me feel 100x better about my choice of not wanting to abort !! Thankyou so much for being open with me. I appreciate it ! And thankyou so much for your offer it means the world
I’m scheduled in for my first midwife app tomorrow afternoon !!!
I’ll keep you updated
Hi Jessica how did you get on?
Hi Jessica how did you get on?
I went to the appointment for the scheduled abortion, because I knew that by going to that appointment it would confirm for me how much I wanted to keep the baby. And when I turned up they did a scan to determine how far along I actually was in this pregnancy. I’m 11weeks 6days. And the baby has a very strong heart beat.
he gave me a scan picture. And the second he handed me that scan picture I knew I could not abort the baby.
I walked home (15mins walk). And I just stared at that scan picture the entire way home. The second I got home I just looked at my partner and I just started crying and I said “ I can’t”. “ I really cannot do it” I showed him the scan picture and I just continued to cry, And he’s agreed to do this with me, He’s agreed to trust me and to trust we will be okay, He just asked if I could give him a couple days to process it without talking about it So he can calmly wrap his head around the idea of a renovation and a new born.
and then 4 hours later I had a midwife appointment and he went with me to that, He saw them do a scan there aswell and he just looked at me and said “ okay we can do this” and just held my hand
so I think everything’s going to be okay
I went to the appointment for the scheduled abortion, because I knew that by going to that appointment it would confirm for me how much I wanted to keep the baby. And when I turned up they did a scan to determine how far along I actually was in this pregnancy. I’m 11weeks 6days. And the baby has a very strong heart beat.
he gave me a scan picture. And the second he handed me that scan picture I knew I could not abort the baby.
I walked home (15mins walk). And I just stared at that scan picture the entire way home. The second I got home I just looked at my partner and I just started crying and I said “ I can’t”. “ I really cannot do it” I showed him the scan picture and I just continued to cry, And he’s agreed to do this with me, He’s agreed to trust me and to trust we will be okay, He just asked if I could give him a couple days to process it without talking about it So he can calmly wrap his head around the idea of a renovation and a new born.
and then 4 hours later I had a midwife appointment and he went with me to that, He saw them do a scan there aswell and he just looked at me and said “ okay we can do this” and just held my hand
so I think everything’s going to be okay
Welling up reading this!!
Delighted for all 3 of you!
Xxx
