Disabled teens dilemma
4 answers /
Last post: 26/01/2024 at 12:12 am
So my son 14 has a girlfriend 15 now he has a learning disability they both attend a special educational needs school ( from what I can gather she has ADHD and some form of learning issues). They’ve been dating since October! My issue is they are desperate to spend time with each other away from school but I wouldn’t normally allow him anywhere unsupervised but I realise he needs independence and I can’t limit him forever but they need some kind of chaperone in my opinion he also has epilepsy and is deaf! The problem lies in that her parents let her do whatever she wants and so he can’t understand my issue with him just going to her house and being unsupervised to go here there and everywhere as far as I can tell! I’ve said she can come here to visit but there’s not much to do around here and it’s boring! I feel mean so I’m thinking of taking them bowling or to a trampolining centre but I know ultimately that they want some alone time but I’m not feeling being a Grandma at 39 🙄 What do I do they’re besotted with each other ??
Personally I’d make sure you have the birds and the bees talk. Also tell them it’s illegal to have sex under 16. Learning disability teens generally don’t want to break the law. So that might be enough of a deterrent.
also arrange for them to go to the cinema or other events together and let him go to hers and hers to yours. But if they are in the bedroom the door needs to be half open.
that’s the rules. Also explain consent and if either one does something the other doesn’t want or like then they must stop and keep communicating so he can come to you.
I have a disabled son too, though he’s 8 so I’ve got a few years for this yet thank god!
I think you’re suggesting his capacity might not reach to being unattended, safe sex, etc? They’re both vulnerable and as your son is a boy then he’d be more likely to get in trouble than her if there were to do anything (if it was deemed he had the capacity to understand it).
Id come up with a compromise, so yeah maybe they could get the bus from your house to the cinema together, bus back, and then you drop her home? I wouldn’t feel bad for not leaving the opportunity open for them to have sex though, with my own son I’ll go off what I feel is his capacity rather than chronological age. If I feel he could do something without understanding the consequences then I won’t be letting him do it!
I'd invite her round for tea and take them cinema etc they will be off to college soon and unsupervised. U need make sure ur son is being safe too cos they are at that age. You could also talk to her parents and explain what to do if anything happens etc and to supervise. Kids will have sex regardless even at school
