I don't want my partners step daughter to stay anymore
27 answers /
Last post: 02/02/2024 at 1:49 am
Hi all,
So I'm a bit confused and stressed about something..
Starting back in November 2022, my partner and I weren't living together. His birthday was close and his parents and step daughter came to stay. This was the first time I'd ever really met with them because of the distance between where we a live, and I genuinely had a nice time. Aside from the awkwardness of first meeting the parents etc., it was really nice.
They stayed for a week and I stayed over the weekend of his birthday due to work and also wanting to give him space to enjoy time with his family, he hadn't seen them in a while.
On the day they all left, I received a very nasty message from his ex wife, mother of the stepdaughter. Please bear in mind, they have been separated over 10 years. At this time as I mentioned, my partner and I were not living together. I was bombarded with messages regarding the house being untidy which it wasn't, just general mess, but regardless its not my job to clean a house I don't live in, and called other nasty names and told I'm a 'parasite'. Prior to this, the ex and I had spoken over the phone for about half an hour, and the conversation wasn't nasty at all. If anything she seemed quite nice and friendly.
After all of this, I told my partner what had been said and blocked her number hoping that would be the end of it all. He made it clear that it came from his step daughter and I put it to the back of my mind and tried to build a better relationship with her.
So this past year, November 2023, my partner and I are now living together expecting our first child. Between this year and last I have met his stepdaughter a handful of times and always seemed to get on, I wouldn't say we're close, but we're OK with each other, no bad feelings between us, or so I thought.
She and his parents again came to stay for his birthday and this time she was extremely rude.
First of all she dropped it on us that she would be staying less than a week before she was due to arrive. We went and found her a suitable bed and duvet etc to make sure she was comfortable. She then proceeded to moan about everything and nag my partner. Persistently shut my cats away from their litter tray which lead to one of them having an accident on the floor whilst my partner and I had a midwife appointment. Many other things on top of that as well.
Again when she left, shortly after, my partner had been victim to her mother's words, and again nasty comments and threats were made in my direction.
No one other than his stepdaughter has contact with her and I have asked him to block his ex for a while because it caused a massive strain between myself and him, mostly because I'm hormonal. But also because I'm sick of being ***** off by a woman who doesn't know me.
This time it was not only about me. But also about our baby, and I'm not going to act as though I'm OK with that, for anyone's benefit.
The issue I now have is that I don't want his stepdaughter to stay with us again, I can't trust her and her words against me. I understand it may be jealousy but I don't feel like it's something I should just deal with.
She's 22 by the way. So she's old enough to know better in my opinion.
Just want to know how others have dealt in similar situations 😊
She's 22?!?! You are in your right to no longer allow her to stay. He also has no reason to acknowledge his ex or respond to any communication from her. He can see his daughter in the community or at her own home.
If this were his daughter I'd suggest you try to ignore the petty behaviour but this is a 22yr old stepchild of a marriage that ended when she was 12!?! If so, I would address her and see if she's capable of a mature conversation.
Failing that, You're under absolutely no obligation to this young woman. Blending families with biological children with behavioural problems is tough enough, why put yourself and child through strain for a grown woman who has no decency, I would suggest he meet her for coffee and chat on his time and keep your unit as just yourselves!
She's 22?!?! You are in your right to no longer allow her to stay. He also has no reason to acknowledge his ex or respond to any communication from her. He can see his daughter in the community or at her own home.
This is what annoys me so much. If she were a child, I wouldn't even be upset. But for an adult, it's ridiculous
If this were his daughter I'd suggest you try to ignore the petty behaviour but this is a 22yr old stepchild of a marriage that ended when she was 12!?! If so, I would address her and see if she's capable of a mature conversation.
Failing that, You're under absolutely no obligation to this young woman. Blending families with biological children with behavioural problems is tough enough, why put yourself and child through strain for a grown woman who has no decency, I would suggest he meet her for coffee and chat on his time and keep your unit as just yourselves!
Thank you. This is my issue. I don't want my partner to be upset and feel forced to tell her she's not welcome, but I am quite firm on this where I don't want her around me, or the baby for that matter.
I feel as though the comments made in my direction might end up with comments about the baby. I don't know what I'd do if that were to happen.
If this were his daughter I'd suggest you try to ignore the petty behaviour but this is a 22yr old stepchild of a marriage that ended when she was 12!?! If so, I would address her and see if she's capable of a mature conversation.
Failing that, You're under absolutely no obligation to this young woman. Blending families with biological children with behavioural problems is tough enough, why put yourself and child through strain for a grown woman who has no decency, I would suggest he meet her for coffee and chat on his time and keep your unit as just yourselves!
I agree keep visits just between him and her and outside of the home.
And if she asks why be brutally honest and say in the past things haven't gone so well and you want to avoid anymore upset.
I agree keep visits just between him and her and outside of the home.
And if she asks why be brutally honest and say in the past things haven't gone so well and you want to avoid anymore upset.
Definitely a good plan for the future. She probably won't ask me anyway, they are Italian, I'm English, so whenever I'm with her and my partner, she will drive the conversation to Italian. Another thing that I find disgusting tbh
Definitely a good plan for the future. She probably won't ask me anyway, they are Italian, I'm English, so whenever I'm with her and my partner, she will drive the conversation to Italian. Another thing that I find disgusting tbh
Yes it's rude as it's totally blocking you from the conversation.
If she can't respect you in your home then she doesn't deserve to be a guest in it.
Thank you. This is my issue. I don't want my partner to be upset and feel forced to tell her she's not welcome, but I am quite firm on this where I don't want her around me, or the baby for that matter.
I feel as though the comments made in my direction might end up with comments about the baby. I don't know what I'd do if that were to happen.
If that were to happen mama bear would come out and you would loose your sh*t!
Try talking to her explain where you're coming from and if she doesn't respect that and treat you properly she'll know where the door is.
Your partner will probably need for you to give it another shot before accepting that she shouldn't come over. And when she let's rip your partner won't feel forced into anything as you had made boundaries very clear and gave it a try.
If that were to happen mama bear would come out and you would loose your sh*t!
Try talking to her explain where you're coming from and if she doesn't respect that and treat you properly she'll know where the door is.
Your partner will probably need for you to give it another shot before accepting that she shouldn't come over. And when she let's rip your partner won't feel forced into anything as you had made boundaries very clear and gave it a try.
That's very true. The most recent comments by her mother were that my partner isn't the father etc., (there is literally no doubt about it!) But what pissed me off in this is that he's not her father. Yet she's coming at me!? That might be a heartless way to put it but it's fact. I've said I'm willing for her to come for a couple hours, but as far as staying the night goes, I'm not comfortable with that.
Also, as I mentioned in the OP, she was quite horrible with the cats as well, and the last thing I'm going to want to be doing when the baby is born is cleaning up their mess from the floor because she's shut them away for a long period of time.
She literally walked into the house and instantly became rude, started cooking, which I was fine with, but being pregnant there's certain foods that I can't deal with the smell, like fish. I made that clear to everyone, we can have anything just please no fish. She cooks fish. Making me physically sick and I then stayed upstairs for the entire day because the smell was overpowering to me. Told me I should have found Italian TV for his parents to watch and paid for a subscription on it, etc., and deleted apps from my TV to provide room for this subscription app, we do have some TV apps in Italian for my partner, bur apparently they weren't good enough.
I just feel so confused. Obviously I don't want to have conflict with her but I feel at this point it may be the only way to make her see.
Oh hell no!l!!! She's 22. She's an adult. You don't have to apologise for how you feel by the way. She doesn't get to speak ill of you when she is a guest in your house. The first moan about something and her a*** would have been out the front door. Sorry you are well within your rights here and don't say its hormonal because there is something to be said about a woman's hormones....they give you a little insight you don't have when you're not hormonal. So if you don't want her back, tell her she is more than welcome to see your partner but she can stay in a hotel and can meet up and do stuff with your partner. She doesn't need to come to the house.
Oh hell no!l!!! She's 22. She's an adult. You don't have to apologise for how you feel by the way. She doesn't get to speak ill of you when she is a guest in your house. The first moan about something and her a*** would have been out the front door. Sorry you are well within your rights here and don't say its hormonal because there is something to be said about a woman's hormones....they give you a little insight you don't have when you're not hormonal. So if you don't want her back, tell her she is more than welcome to see your partner but she can stay in a hotel and can meet up and do stuff with your partner. She doesn't need to come to the house.
I agree, she is old enough to know how to behave in someone's house. If she were a young child, even a teenager, this post never would've been written. Perhaps in a different context, but at 22 years of age, her and her mother need to learn to keep their mouth shut. I'm happy to in time try to rebuild a relationship with her, but at this stage of my life, I'm not. I'm focusing on my child and my relationship.
Honestly the day I found out more had been said about me, was about 2am, and I broke down crying, feeling sick and unable to sleep at all that night. Not wanting to wake my partner but at the same time feeling so awful.
When she said she was staying, was towards the end of the month, so we were broke in the lead up to Christmas. I dipped into savings to make sure she had a bed to sleep in, duvet and pillows (we have a sofa bed, but his parents were also visiting so it was taken) I didn't want her to have to sleep on the floor. But if this is genuinely how she repays me for that, I'm sickened by it. As I said, we've never been close, but I've always been respectful of her and made her feel as welcome as possible.
That's very true. The most recent comments by her mother were that my partner isn't the father etc., (there is literally no doubt about it!) But what pissed me off in this is that he's not her father. Yet she's coming at me!? That might be a heartless way to put it but it's fact. I've said I'm willing for her to come for a couple hours, but as far as staying the night goes, I'm not comfortable with that.
Also, as I mentioned in the OP, she was quite horrible with the cats as well, and the last thing I'm going to want to be doing when the baby is born is cleaning up their mess from the floor because she's shut them away for a long period of time.
She literally walked into the house and instantly became rude, started cooking, which I was fine with, but being pregnant there's certain foods that I can't deal with the smell, like fish. I made that clear to everyone, we can have anything just please no fish. She cooks fish. Making me physically sick and I then stayed upstairs for the entire day because the smell was overpowering to me. Told me I should have found Italian TV for his parents to watch and paid for a subscription on it, etc., and deleted apps from my TV to provide room for this subscription app, we do have some TV apps in Italian for my partner, bur apparently they weren't good enough.
I just feel so confused. Obviously I don't want to have conflict with her but I feel at this point it may be the only way to make her see.
OMG - I've just realised from this post that this young lady is not even your partners biological daughter!!! But I understand that if your partner was her stepdad for a time that you can't simply just break all contact.
But you can break all contact with this young lady's mother - both you and your partner have no reason to maintain a relationship with someone that treats you like that.
As one of the other posters said - offer his step daughter another chance to visit and be respectful - making it clear what the ground rules are. If she can not respect you and your home then she simply loses the right to be in that home.
Good luck with it all and your baby Xx
Yes it's rude as it's totally blocking you from the conversation.
If she can't respect you in your home then she doesn't deserve to be a guest in it.
Definitely. I understand it when my partners parents are around as they don't speak English, and even if she wants to talk with him privately, but to continuously drive the conversation back to a language I don't understand is rude and disrespectful. I don't want to be made to feel like a guest in my own home
