Husband left 1 year old baby
6 answers /
Last post: 17/02/2024 at 12:17 pm
My husband(40m) and I(30f) have been together for 10 years and decided to have a baby 2 years ago. Without even trying, we conceived a little boy. I knew his family were of no help due to being abroad but mine promised to help. After the birth, we had no help from anyone with raising our 1 year old. My husband has done everything that I couldn’t. I have been on leave for a year making sure that our son is looked after. I am the main breadwinner due to owning my own business. So now that I have started full time work again, my husband and I decided that he will look after our son on the days he has off and nursery will be arranged for all other days. First week of me going to work, hubs is finding it overwhelming and already gives up. I have sacrificed everything for us and the baby, my business is going to collapse if I do not return, and all bills fall on me, so I have to work. Hubby has not paid for anything in the last 6 months, he is able to do everything and more as a man but he just chooses to smoke weed and is too emotional to help with the baby. He became a little aggressive toward me and the baby a few months ago and vowed to change but has not.
Today I had to miss vital bits of work to look after our sick baby while he was too overwhelmed to do so on his day off. He then came back home at 2pm, took off his clothes and decided to chill on his own and have a smoke while I was with the baby. I told him that he needs to go back out and do something productive instead of chilling out at home. He told me to get out of his face and leave him. He insists that I don’t understand what he’s going through as a new dad. I have booked him in with umpteen mental health services and therapies which he refuses to go to.
I then kicked him out hoping he would realise his wrongs and push him to change but he just packed his things and left. I’m kinda relieved.
Hi Sunny,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic unhealthy relationships board, so you can get the advice and support you need.
Hi Sunny
I’m Lauren one of the parent supporters here on Netmums. I’m sorry to read that things are so stressful with your husband. It sounds like he is really struggling but yet not engaging with any support.
You are relieved that he has left. I’m wondering do you think you can find a way to work through this with perhaps some relationship counselling? Or do you feel this is the end of the relationship?
We are here if you want to talk some more
Hi Sunny
I’m Lauren one of the parent supporters here on Netmums. I’m sorry to read that things are so stressful with your husband. It sounds like he is really struggling but yet not engaging with any support.
You are relieved that he has left. I’m wondering do you think you can find a way to work through this with perhaps some relationship counselling? Or do you feel this is the end of the relationship?
We are here if you want to talk some more
I would love counselling to work things out but not sure he would engage.
Firstly, well done for kicking him out, hopefully he will come to his senses sooner rather than later, and 2 for stepping up while he stepped down. He clearly needs you more than you need him, you’re busting your gut trying to work, keep a roof over all of your heads and being the breadwinner, while he looks after the house and his child, which isn’t easy either.
Right now all he’s doing is adding to your stress, and it’s like looking after another child around the house.
Good luck moving forward with whatever you decide to do, but well done for being a super strong mama.
Firstly, well done for kicking him out, hopefully he will come to his senses sooner rather than later, and 2 for stepping up while he stepped down. He clearly needs you more than you need him, you’re busting your gut trying to work, keep a roof over all of your heads and being the breadwinner, while he looks after the house and his child, which isn’t easy either.
Right now all he’s doing is adding to your stress, and it’s like looking after another child around the house.
Good luck moving forward with whatever you decide to do, but well done for being a super strong mama.
Thank you so much. It feels so nice to hear that I’m doing a good job, I just teared up while reading your reply. It’s hard being a mother, I feel like we do our best and hope for the best outcome.
