My daughters feeling towards contact with her dad and his new family
3 answers /
Last post: 30/01/2024 at 10:57 am
I need some advice on my daughter having contact with her dad. She's 13 and she sees her dad every other weekend a court order is in place and she's refusing to go. She had a huge argument with her dad's wife before Christmas and she didn't go and stay for the Christmas weekend. She missed out on opening her presents and her dad collected her first week in January then she was allowed her presents. This is by far nothing worse than whats happening now. She's been going for the past few weekends and his wife as made remarks about her clothes being too small, her step sister and step brother got everything for Christmas my daughter asked for and she got hardly anything my ex partner supports a child he as with his wife and then 2 others that aren't is. They have no contact with their father. Their mum stopped all contact when she got with my ex partner and made her children call my ex partner dad. My daughter resents this because she states he is not their father. They talk heavily most times she visits about me in a negative way. One weekend just gone her step mum called me a fat cow to my daughter and then told her oh what you want you always get. My ex partner assured me all this would stop and it hasn't. She's now relayed back to me that she doesn't wish to go anymore the house doesn't feel a home. She doesn't want to eat when she's there. And now they are questioning her on why she doesn't want to eat and telling her she's skinny etc. I have contacted my daughters school to see whether we can have a meeting with her father to get it all out in the open. I cannot talk to him because his wife interferes in it all and when I speak to him alone he uses the she's doing this to get attention and cause trouble between us. My daughter is very bright and knows what is what now. She said she feels she isn't part of the family. Also would anyone else have a designated snack time for a 13 year old. She's made to eat at certain times. And she's watched everytime she eats to monitor how much she's eating and when she says I'm not hungry they are questioning her of this. The ringing me up and asking me why she isn't eating and making out its because of me. And finally both of my daughters go to their dad's and now they are made to use their own Christmas or birthday money they have their dad's to pay for outings like swimming, ice skating as their dad as said he cannot afford to take them places. Maybe I'm being silly but all this is affecting my daughters mental health surely a child at 13 or any age shouldn't be put under such pressure when visiting her dad which I'll tell you now they get no alone time with because all he ever says is I have 5 kids not 2. So our daughters get no time with their father quality time and when I suggest it he says we'll the other 3 don't see me either. He gets every ither weekend without our daughters and takes the other 3 everywhere and anywhere planned. Ie. A holiday to Greece this year as been booked and not asked our daughters if they wish to go and when they did mention it he states your going on holiday with your mum's so that's your holiday. I cannot get my breath at atall. I need some advice on what to do and who to contact. Sorry its long winded but I'm so upset this evening.
Hi Jemma,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
Thank you for posting your circumstances so honestly on here and well done for reaching out for support.
Blended families can be so difficult to navigate cant they? I think any parent in a similar situation would be able to relate to the difficulties you've described here. However, the comments about your daughter's clothes being 'too small' and the derogatory comments towards you by her step mum are completely unacceptable behaviour and not at all healthy for a 13 year old girl to hear.
There are a couple of organisations I can direct you to, to try and help the situation.
The first is the Child Law Advice service. They are a children's charity who advise parents on contact arrangements, including where the child doesn't want to comply with the court order. Family courts will always assume that it's in the child's best interests to spend time with both parents unless there are any safeguarding issues, but there are mediation services available when things aren't quite working out as they should. You can use their chat service to ask their advice at: https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/contact/
Young Minds are another wonderful organisation who support parents who are worried about their child's mental health. They have a parent helpline where you can speak with a trained support worker about your concerns and ask their advice on how best to support your daughter, particularly if you feel like she does have an eating disorder. These calls are all confidential Jemma, so don't worry about discussing personal information with them. You can contact them at: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/
Finally, you could also chat with your GP about your concerns for your daughter and perhaps make an appointment for her so that a proper assessment can be carried out - is that an option?
There are a lot of issues raised in your post Jemma, so keep chatting here and we'll try to support you in any way we can.
Loraine x
Hi Jemma,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
Thank you for posting your circumstances so honestly on here and well done for reaching out for support.
Blended families can be so difficult to navigate cant they? I think any parent in a similar situation would be able to relate to the difficulties you've described here. However, the comments about your daughter's clothes being 'too small' and the derogatory comments towards you by her step mum are completely unacceptable behaviour and not at all healthy for a 13 year old girl to hear.
There are a couple of organisations I can direct you to, to try and help the situation.
The first is the Child Law Advice service. They are a children's charity who advise parents on contact arrangements, including where the child doesn't want to comply with the court order. Family courts will always assume that it's in the child's best interests to spend time with both parents unless there are any safeguarding issues, but there are mediation services available when things aren't quite working out as they should. You can use their chat service to ask their advice at: https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/contact/
Young Minds are another wonderful organisation who support parents who are worried about their child's mental health. They have a parent helpline where you can speak with a trained support worker about your concerns and ask their advice on how best to support your daughter, particularly if you feel like she does have an eating disorder. These calls are all confidential Jemma, so don't worry about discussing personal information with them. You can contact them at: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/
Finally, you could also chat with your GP about your concerns for your daughter and perhaps make an appointment for her so that a proper assessment can be carried out - is that an option?
There are a lot of issues raised in your post Jemma, so keep chatting here and we'll try to support you in any way we can.
Loraine x
Hi,
Many thanks for your reply.
I am at my wits end with it all it never seems to get any easier. As for the eating problem she is eating but not like she normally would and its because she said she feels anxious the run up the weekend of her dad's and I'm trying to encourage her to speak to her dad and let him know her wishes and feelings but she said he doesn't listen and always sides with his wife. She feels like an outsider when really he should be putting his own children first and I feel this will also make a detrimental impact on my other daughter as she's nearly 12. I knew all this would happen but tried to tell myself it wouldn't. Its so difficult but I cannot see her like this atall. I need to speak with their dad and maybe ask spending alone time with them on his weekends would be better even if its just he collects them for a day and takes them somewhere just him and our daughters .
I just do not know where to turn I shall collect the relevant people you have advised and see what can be done.
Many thanks
Jemma.
