So unhappy

Been with my DP two years. It's never been plain sailing as he was 1 year separated from wife when we started dating. I knew him decades before and had been very happily single for years ++ before. I'd gave up hope of OLD as was scared of meeting someone who turned out to be someone they weren't if that makes sense? My DP seemed a very safe bet. For a few months I was the happiest I'd been in years. I'd always liked him as a person and we always got on. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. About 7 months in I found out he was still

messaging a woman who he'd known since his teens. She lived on another continent, he'd visited her when he was younger, pre marriage and kids. For context he married at age 24. I was downloading something to his phone (both of us never been precious and know each others passcodes etc) and a message from her popped up saying how much she missed him and loved him. Stupidly I snooped! From when he asked me out no flirty exchanges had taken place but he was still very much in touch, just catch up messages etc. she obviously felt a lot for him as her messages were very flirty. He never exactly shut her down but he'd told her about me yet she still was telling him she missed him etc. I think in the year prior when he'd separated from his wife they had been in touch constantly. Hed mentioned this woman when we started out, saying he had a friend in Canada who he chatted to etc and when he'd told her he was seeing me she'd 'stopped talking to him'? The messages I read were quite different....... she HAD gone quiet, but he was messaging her saying things like 'have you forgotten me'??!! Anyway I tried to draw a line under it as it was before we met, the messages weren't flirty but I still felt hurt he hadn't told me he was still in touch with her. Fast forward another few months and I found a playlist on Apple Music he'd sent her. I didn't see the songs he deleted them before I could see and tried to fob me off she'd sent him loads of songs to cheer him up. However the list said it had been made by him! Again tried to draw a line. Another few months and 'mentionitis' of a woman he worked with. Stupidly again I snooped, again nothing too flirty but a few from her saying she missed him (he was off sick for a month). He then archived her messages which was suspicious!! He then started a new career which I hopefully thought would be the end of all my anxieties. He went off on a month long residential course. Of course there was a woman his age on it, single. Next I noticed they'd befriended each other on social media. I should also say him and his two children moved in with me as he had to sell

his marital home! I was looking after his children whilst his was away! They don't see their mother. My own child left home a few years prior I miss them dreadfully!! Next came the WhatsApp group. He's literally never off WhatsApp. It's a group so others i. It too and as far as I can see they don't messsge each other personally? However every time he shows me something of social media he will search for something snd her name there!!! So makes me think he'd been messaging her? On his messenger 'suggested' bit she is the top name and I googled it and it suggests that's the person interacted with the most! Since he started this new career he's snappy, we snipe and row, I feel im walking on eggshells a lot! Plus side I DO love him, he's affectionate and tells me he loves me a lot. I just feel taken for granted, and unloved. I know I shouldn't have snooped before anyone tells me. Today he told me this woman from his course has applied to work in the office he works in, she currently works in a different branch. I just feel my anxieties are going thru the roof. Is it me? I have been cheated on so many times before so I'm so paranoid. I just feel so unhappy. Thanks for reading.