Should I tell my child

Hi Rebecca,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic child mental health board, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Rebecca,

I’m Lauren one of the parent supporters here on Netmums.

You are wondering about telling your son about his autism assessment. It is very important for children to understand what the assessment is and why it is happening. The more open you are the less overwhelming it is likely to be. There is some information here that might be helpful for you https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/pre-diagnosis/parents-and-carers

I hope that helps with your conversations,

I am going to get my son assessed and I am not sure about telling him. He already says ‘I can’t help it’ when he reacts and I wonder would telling him the reason rather than working on ways forward - would he see it as a reason not to try? Or would he feel relieved and less distressed? Not sure but in a similar predicament. I would seek advice from the assessors and discuss your concerns. That’s what I’m going to do, as they will have experience of this situation.

My DS was assessed for ASD at 10 years. He is high functioning (verbal reasoning age 16) but struggled with his emotions, social language and sensory overload.

We found it important that he knew why he was being assessed as the assessments were quite lengthy so he needed to be motivated to complete them.

Actually, he already felt strongly that he was 'different' and had identified with an Autistic boy in his previous school. Indeed, he was relieved to be diagnosed as neurodivergent as he felt it explained how he felt, why he was struggling socially and reassured him that his high school would be obliged to make reasonable adjustments for him: all good.

I hope that all goes well for your son xx

My son was 8 when he was assessed for both. I did make him aware of this assessment due to how my son is. He was going to become aware during assessment as it is obvious. He was aware of sen coming into his classroom writing notes about him observing him every time. I didn't make it a negative thing though. I told him this was going to get him help if they thought he had either or both. I also let him know that it didn't mean he had anything "wrong" with him. I have a daughter who went through the assessment process and she was not made aware as she would of lacked understanding and it wouldn't of helped her. She was made aware that she was going to talk to someone and play with some toys. I think you know your child best and telling them can be beneficial in some cases.

Even if you decide to tell him don’t let him use it as an excuse to misbehave or give up when things are tough. Just encourage him and let him know he can still accomplish anything he sets his mind to.

My 10 year old has recently been assessed, our cahms did send a pamphlet for the child to look at explaining what they’d do. He was assessed via zoom, at the beginning the lady asked him if he knew why he was there and if he was ok with doing the assessment, and what he knew about autism, he was visibly upset though as he was scared of being on the computer.

I never told my son but he was younger when we started the assessment journey. We started at 4 and got his diagnosis around 10. I told my son he was ADHD, that's what he was diagnosed with first. He knew I was fighting for an ECHP so he believed all the assessments was for that, and half of them was.

Ours was a long progress though, it took 6 years, but covid had a massive part in the set back. I didn't want my son to feel different. We eventually told him he had ASD when he went to secondary school.

TBH it depends on the child, situation and environment. The school supported my son even with out a diagnosis and his friends had grown up with him so knew him very well. I didn't feel he needed to know at the time. He went to a special provision school away from everything he knew so I had to tell him then.

It's down to you and you know your child best. TBH I think my son knew in a way but never mentioned it until I did.

Good luck x

KD89's experience is very interesting and it worked for her but I think that the amount of detail that can be hidden from a younger child is very different from what is practical with our boys aged 10 years and above. Also, I note that she did tell her son once he was around the age that your son is now.

So, I would definitely advocate for telling your son the truth, particularly because it can be liberating to understand that your difference is nothing that you are doing or could do differently but actually something rather special about the extraordinary brain structure that you were born with.

Also, having an ASD diagnosis opens them up to a whole range of famous neurodivergent role models which can really inspire them to do the best with the extraordinary gifts that they were born with. You could do worse than a Google Search for Famous People With Austism: actors, artists, scientists, musicians, engineers.... It's very interesting.

Wishing you and your young man all the best on your journey xx