Should I be paying child maintenance
17 answers /
Last post: 03/02/2023 at 3:42 pm
Long story short, my ex partner has gotten her self pregnant from a one night stand, and is now asking me for child maintenance.
Me and my ex have a 2.5 year old daughter, we are trying to co-parent and keep things civil between us.
We have roughly a 50/50 split, I have her 4 nights a week for 4 weeks then 3 nights a week for the next 4 weeks, this is to fit in around her work.
When we split we had a shared debt of £14000, I have completely taken over paying off this debt to help her out, on top of this I pay for her entertainment (Netflix, now tv and Disney +), and help her out with unexpected expenditures (recently bought her a new fridge freezer), I also cover all off our daughters extra expenses (I.e school clothes, trips and meals) and I provide her with nappys and baby wipes.
I currently earn approximately £3000 a year more than her, as I understand it this makes me the 'paying parent' where child maintenance is concerned.
Is this right? And if so how is that fair in the slightest
No maintenance to be paid if 50/50 split. Sounds like your already helping out alot more than you should be, that's nice just make sure your not leaving yourself short.
It's a 50/50 split of custody and your already paying maintenence in a way with the entertainment and extra kids costs. So no, she doesn't get maintenence.
as you share the custody 50/50 and also pay for the majority of the expenses, child maintenance would say zero payment is due. You can also phone them or email and they will advise of this also.
There can still be a child Maintenance case even if there is equal shared care. The case can either be fully closed if it is decided that there is completely equal shared care or it can still remain open (at a completely reduced amount) if it decided the receiving parent has more parental responsibility. A list of questions will be asked to each parent to make this decision. Is there a court order in place? And has she agreed with child Maintenance that you have equal shared care?
The fact you earn more is irrelevant in this case.. That just means you'd pay more than someone on a smaller salary with the same visitation. You both have her 50/50, therefore, neither of you pay the other anything. She's trying it, for sure 🤦🏽♀️
Hi Simon.
If you have 50/50 split then Child Maintenance will work out that you don't have to pay it. When I looked I read through their forms about child maintenance and it said 50/50 split then paying parent shouldn't have to pay. I would call child maintenance up and ask for their advice but by the sounds of it you are already paying alot more than what they would ask you to pay per month if anything at all. If she decides to open a case then I would stop paying for her luxuries like the netflix and disney etc. You already have the debt that you are paying off, pay for your child's school things and also providing for your child when you have them with you. It sounds like you are a great dad and doing u you can for your child but it does sound like your ex is taking advantage of you a little bit. If she does apply for child maintenance through them then I don't think she will get the answer she thought she would get. If they do say you have to pay anything at all then say to her that everything else that doesn't amount to caring for your child like the TV and luxuries will stop. The amount of time you have your child is more than a lot of other parents and as a single mum with the opposite type of father for my children, I just want to say you are amazing
No way should you be paying child maintenance to her . Your 50/50 childcare which you have your child the majority of.
Shes being a cheeky mare to be honest especially with what your doing extra .
if she pursues child support say your stopping the entertainment packages , no longer paying for nappies or wipes or school clothes and definitely not helping out if one of her appliances breaks .
also get the new baby dna tested to rule you out as the father . I would also insist on getting your 2.5 year old tested aswell as you never know .
If you have the children equally then no maintenance is due at all.
You are being a very good-egg all things considered.
So, start a record of all the things you buy her - not saying don't buy them, but record them so they are traceable.
E.g. bought a fridge, save the receipt online showing you're the purchaser with her delivery address, keep a file showing your TV payments, when you buy nappies, but online and have them delivered to her - creating the record.
Buy a level arch file ... keep everything forever. Do not tell your ex you are doing this, it will not help the relationship, but should the relationship ever collapse it will be useful.
Do this forever.
It'll come in useful one day.
You sound like a dream, she’s lucky, I hear a lot of ex partners (both men and women) are a nightmare! No you shouldn’t pay any extra!
Honestly some women just annoy me your already paying more than your fair share and if you have her 50/50 nothing extra should be paid tell her to go after the one night stand for maintenance when this baby is born cause I'm sure he won't be having the child the way you do
ALL I can say is ring chil maintenance yourself they take it into consideration you share 50/50 also have dna test first this happened to my brother he was giving her far too much cash then said he'd give her nothing!! Lo and behold 6 years later dna proved it he wasnt my brothers childThis situation isn't nice I expect your partner will find it hard don't let her take the p because that's what she's doing do a child maintenance online estimate from your wages she can't argue with this. It won't be as bad as you think you are willing to have your child feed care and clothes she also has the same obligation just say we'll go to court you don't have to have a solicitor just turn up say your peice and explain your 50/50 arrangement but this way she can't stop you from seeing her because that may be another tactic!! DO NOT let this destroy your relationship talk about everything agree together because my partners ex has caused so much crap it nearly broke us and this bit is IMPORTANT DO NOT LET HER IN YOUR HOUSE OR LIFE.
Go to cms - straight away.
you don’t pay for a child that isn’t yours and will be based on how many evenings you have them. Seek legal action if she kicks off ! Whose name was the debt in ?
No generally if you have 50/50 no maintenance is paid. I assume she is the one claiming the child benefit if she qualifies (I think most people do).
It is important that you keep clear and accurate records of the nights you have her - such as an agreed calendar and written evidence that this is agreed and is the status quo for sometime. Also keep a record and evidence of all money you have given to your ex including the things you have bought and also all of your child’s expenses that you have paid.
I know that sounds awful but no matter how hard you try to keep things civil, if you do end up
disagreeing over the finances it is not uncommon for people to lie :( to get what they want or need. It just won’t do any harm to
get your records together and then get into
the habit of recording things as you go.
Regardless of how she got pregnant this time around it will be the biological father of that child who is liable for the child maintenance for him/her, which I’m sure you know.
all the best xxx
Hi Simon, Good pieces of advice here. I also recommend keeping a spreadsheet or other record of any way you 'help out' with your ex, any payments you cover on behalf of your child and any variation in the 50/50 split of childcare.
That way, whether you're making a case to someone else or just having a discussion with your ex, you can dispassionately refer to the list of things you are doing, so it's less about what she might be 'owed' and more about the split and the facts about what you're already providing.
Also, keep receipts!
Good luck, and let us know how you get on.
