step daughter hiding smelly knickers
42 answers /
Last post: 11/02/2024 at 1:21 am
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 1:30 pm
Hi all 
I hope someone can give me some good advice. My 12 yr old sd has been living with myself and her dad since January. She moved in with us as her mother was having problems contorlling her behaviour. Since shes moved in she's settled down really well, her grades have risen right back up at school and although we have the stroppy teenage attitude all parents have to cope with she is good at coming home on time and sticking to our rules.
The major problem is that since she moved in although I have tried my hardest to talk to her about periods, personal hygeine etc I am still finding bags with dirty stained smelly knickers hidden in various places around her room.
I have given her a washing basket for her bedroom and a plastic bag for them to go in. Also put a plastic bag in my own washing basket and explained her dad never goes in it. Assured her every female gets discharge or gets caught out with their period sometimes nothing to be embarrassed about. I found a bag stufffed down side of my sons cot this weekend which really did stink and have just found another pair whilst putting her washing away not even in a bag in with all her clean underwear and clothes! 
Sorry this is 
but on closer inspection of this pair i noticed it wasnt even period more looked like yellowy urine stains/ discharge maybe? They really smelt awful. Her mum is no use will just shout at her and I was the one that had to explain periods and puberty anyway a few years ago. What else can I do to help this situation. How can I suggest maybe she showers more often, uses pantyliners etc??? Now also concerned maybe shes either having accidents/ needs to get tested for sti (her mother had problems with her being sexually active and not coming home before she moved in with us.) 
I cannot understand why she feels the need to keep hiding them and she's going to run out of knickers at this rate constantly having to buy new pairs! Please help at my wits end just want to help her. 
:dunno::NE1:
I hope someone can give me some good advice. My 12 yr old sd has been living with myself and her dad since January. She moved in with us as her mother was having problems contorlling her behaviour. Since shes moved in she's settled down really well, her grades have risen right back up at school and although we have the stroppy teenage attitude all parents have to cope with she is good at coming home on time and sticking to our rules. The major problem is that since she moved in although I have tried my hardest to talk to her about periods, personal hygeine etc I am still finding bags with dirty stained smelly knickers hidden in various places around her room.
I have given her a washing basket for her bedroom and a plastic bag for them to go in. Also put a plastic bag in my own washing basket and explained her dad never goes in it. Assured her every female gets discharge or gets caught out with their period sometimes nothing to be embarrassed about. I found a bag stufffed down side of my sons cot this weekend which really did stink and have just found another pair whilst putting her washing away not even in a bag in with all her clean underwear and clothes! Sorry this is but on closer inspection of this pair i noticed it wasnt even period more looked like yellowy urine stains/ discharge maybe? They really smelt awful. Her mum is no use will just shout at her and I was the one that had to explain periods and puberty anyway a few years ago. What else can I do to help this situation. How can I suggest maybe she showers more often, uses pantyliners etc??? Now also concerned maybe shes either having accidents/ needs to get tested for sti (her mother had problems with her being sexually active and not coming home before she moved in with us.) I cannot understand why she feels the need to keep hiding them and she's going to run out of knickers at this rate constantly having to buy new pairs! Please help at my wits end just want to help her. :dunno::NE1:0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 1:38 pm
Maybe she's embarrassed? Perhaps you could get her to wash her own underwear, so you don't have to see it. Put it on on a saturday morning, get her to load the machine, put in powder, turn it on, even empty it again afterwards if she wants, so you don't come into contact with it. She hasn't been living with you that long, and 12 isn't really that old, give her time to open up to you.
0
Nicola C(388)
18/07/2011 at 1:50 pm
She could have an infection and is embrassed about the smell? There is quite a few that give a smelly discharge that aren't STIs
I would take her to a lady gp and let her go in herself and explain the problem.
I would take her to a lady gp and let her go in herself and explain the problem.
0
Similar threads
Tweens and teens
Daughter's smelly hair - help!!
Tweens and teens
Please help, struggling with teenage step-daughter
Tweens and teens
Red, sore & smelly neck!!!!
Tweens and teens
Teen step daughter only in touch when she wants something
Tweens and teens
Knickers or training pants?
Tweens and teens
Discovered that my 11/12yr old has been hiding his veg.
Tweens and teens
naughty step won't work!! 3 year old out of control
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 2:05 pm
I would take her sexual health clinic and have her tested for everything. Also ask if they have female counsellor at centre that can talk to her and try to get to bottom of this. It could be many things, but if it is STD she really needs to go to specialist rather than GP. There is also DRS at sexual health clinic that can see her and make and talk to her. She may be incontinent. Could just be urine infection and she is scared she has an very bad STD and may be living in fear of dying.
0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 2:45 pm
Sounds like she's been on an emotional rollercoaster (as if being a teenager isn't hard enough!). If I were in your position I would encourage her to do her own washing (or at least encourage her to do her underwear), explain that it's not hygenic to leave them festering, especially with a little one in the house. It kind of does sound like there may be an STI present as well. I think the only way to deal with that one is to be upfront with her and ask her about it, then offer to go with her to the GUM clinic. She would probably be mortified is she knew you had found her manky knickers but if you don't find them then maybe your LO will and that would be awful!
0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 3:54 pm
you need to get controll over this, insist on showers morning and night but at the same time take a real interest in helping her feel fresh and look good. I would be cruel to be kind with the underwear, as well as if it realy is an infection not just an attidude get her tested like others say. I would remove all the underwear and replace them with tenna pants or dry nights or something similar and say that when she can take responsability for bagging and binning these then you will go shoping for new underwear with her , plus liners etc. if there is a wee problem i would also insist on a matress cover untill its all resolved, get her to cheque in with you soiled disposable underwear, for fresh ones and continue this when you swap back to real underwear untill she can be trusted.
0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 4:10 pm
i think you should by some panty liners and put them in her room or bathroom and explain to her about using them also show her how to use the washing machine and tell her if she dont want anyone to see her under wear to put them in the wash her self it is obviously very embaressing for her
0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 4:19 pm
In answer to
Anonymous
you need to get controll over this, insist on showers morning and night but at the same time take a real interest in helping her feel fresh and look good. I would be cruel to be kind with the underwear, as well as if it realy is an infection not just an attidude get her tested like others say. I would remove all the underwear and replace them with tenna pants or dry nights or something similar and say that when she can take responsability for bagging and binning these then you will go shoping for new underwear with her , plus liners etc. if there is a wee problem i would also insist on a matress cover untill its all resolved, get her to cheque in with you soiled disposable underwear, for fresh ones and continue this when you swap back to real underwear untill she can be trusted.
Just needed to say that I don't agree with this advice. To do this to her would just humiliate her and that is the last thing you want to do.
I tend to agree with the other posters who say to encourage her to wash her own underwear, so she doesn't need to be embarrassed. Also agree that taking her to be checked out would be a good idea.
Poor lamb sounds like she has been through the mill. xx
0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 4:21 pm
I would say it sounds like she is just very embarrassed. I remember when I was 10+ and going through puberty I was sooo embarrassed by my dirty underware. Yes discharge is normal, but at that age it can be horrifying that family could see that, and I remember putting my underware in the washing machine just as a load was about to go on so that no-one saw them! Tbh it was bad enough for people to see my underware, let alone manky ones!
I would just suggest to her that she is in charge of doing her own washing as that should help
I would just suggest to her that she is in charge of doing her own washing as that should help
0
Similar threads
Tweens and teens
Son hates Step-Dad
Tweens and teens
13 Year Old Daughter Having Sex
Tweens and teens
My step son hates me.
Tweens and teens
Step brother and sister sharing a bedroom? Is it right or wrong??
Tweens and teens
13 Year Old Daughter Having Sex
Tweens and teens
13 Year Old Daughter Having Sex
Tweens and teens
12 year old daughter School refusal and anxiety
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 4:30 pm
In answer to
Anonymous
you need to get controll over this, insist on showers morning and night but at the same time take a real interest in helping her feel fresh and look good. I would be cruel to be kind with the underwear, as well as if it realy is an infection not just an attidude get her tested like others say. I would remove all the underwear and replace them with tenna pants or dry nights or something similar and say that when she can take responsability for bagging and binning these then you will go shoping for new underwear with her , plus liners etc. if there is a wee problem i would also insist on a matress cover untill its all resolved, get her to cheque in with you soiled disposable underwear, for fresh ones and continue this when you swap back to real underwear untill she can be trusted.
This is about the worst advice I have seen and can't imagine anything that would be more detrimental to the confidence of a young woman that you are building a relationship with. She needs to be able to talk openly and honestly about what is really a grown-up problem. I would suggest giving her time and making sure she knows you are here to help and to talk to her.
Also, it is worth noting that constant washing of any females more intimate areas is likely to exacerbate problems of discharge, etc. Encourage her to speak to a doctor to rule out thrush, STI, etc. The idea of getting her to help with her own washing is a good one too.
Good Luck!
PS She sounds like a lucky young lady to have a stepmum like you!
0
Can't find your answer?
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 4:50 pm
Poor girl, sounds like she is embarrassed, it may be something natural or something that needs treatment but before you can tackle that you need to gain some trust.
Have you / Can you wash the bag of pants you have found by your sons cot?
She must know you are going to find them if they are in your sons room?
If they wash up ok then I would take them into her room, with some liners and have a quick light chat saying that a bag of washing must have got mixed up with your sons washing. Oh and by the way, you bought an extra pack of liners for her as she is growing etc. confirming that you use them too, maybe start using them for a while so she sees them in your bathroom? Quickly explain how they work etc.
If they dont wash well, throw them away and dont mention it just yet. Buy her some new pants and follow same as above with liners etc...
Then wait and see. She needs to gain your trust before you can explore doctors and STIs!!! It may be harmless.
My Stepdaughter came to live with us from 11, terrible hygeine, no routine etc. if I had tackled it the way some have advised she would have run for the hills!
good luck!
Have you / Can you wash the bag of pants you have found by your sons cot?
She must know you are going to find them if they are in your sons room?
If they wash up ok then I would take them into her room, with some liners and have a quick light chat saying that a bag of washing must have got mixed up with your sons washing. Oh and by the way, you bought an extra pack of liners for her as she is growing etc. confirming that you use them too, maybe start using them for a while so she sees them in your bathroom? Quickly explain how they work etc.
If they dont wash well, throw them away and dont mention it just yet. Buy her some new pants and follow same as above with liners etc...
Then wait and see. She needs to gain your trust before you can explore doctors and STIs!!! It may be harmless.
My Stepdaughter came to live with us from 11, terrible hygeine, no routine etc. if I had tackled it the way some have advised she would have run for the hills!
good luck!
0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 5:08 pm
I did also show her how to use the machine in case she was embarrassed but she was more than happy for me to find her VERY dirty washing and wash it! lol
Kids growing into teenage girls, a rare and fascinating species!
Kids growing into teenage girls, a rare and fascinating species!
0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 5:41 pm
Oh dear! Poor girl. I was lucky not to start my period until i was 16, SCORE lol. But my sister is 6 years younger than me and for some reason she was too embarrased to tell my mum, so i told her about hygenie etc. Like shirley said, i picked her up some liners when i was in getting some for myself and it sort of went from there. I feel her confidence grow from that and i started to coax her to THAT aisle in the supermarket lol. Does your step daughter have a fav female pop singer??? I also remember pointing out to my sister that britney spears got periods aswell and this helped loads to make it a really normal thing x
0
Similar threads
Tweens and teens
13 year old daughter and boyfriend?
Tweens and teens
16 year old daughter dating 30 year old man??!
Tweens and teens
My daughter has no friends.
Tweens and teens
13th birthday ideas for my daughter please
Tweens and teens
13 year old daughter with nearly 16 year old bf
Tweens and teens
16 year old daughter pregnant
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 6:00 pm
Maybe she has a slight bladder problem.I had a child stay with me and she sounded similar to your SD, on a visit to GP it was found she had a slight bladder problem and after using meds for a few months she began to stop with the hiding of pants(weren't marked/wet anymore). She seems to be doing quite well with her schooling/listening to household rules/times to be home so she is around good people and getting positive rather than negative/no attention. Could you maybe have a word to nurse/GP or get a hold of some pamphlets for her to read on periods/sexual health and any thing else you feel she well benefit from knowing more about.Well done to you for sticking by her and looking for help as some may not be so kind.
0
Anonymous
18/07/2011 at 6:13 pm
Hi all thankyou for your wonderful replies...I have been very lucky that she seems to trust and confide in me more than her mother and when a rumour came out she had come to live with us because she was pregnant it was me who she wanted to do test with rather than her mother. Unfortunately her mother dragged her along to a gp completely humiliating her. Luckily the test was negative.
Thankyou lucy G for your opinion but I dont think I'l be following your advice as feel that would shatter the fragile bond we have developed. Although she has only lived here for a year she has been staying every weekend since she was 10 and is 13 in just over a week. As previously said I have been the one to explain puberty and periods as even at 10 noticed she was developing fairly early.
I think I will insist on showers every other evening and add some pantyliners to the sanitary towels and re explain again how discharge etc is natural. Do you think I could get her appointment with nurse to get checked for thrush/bv/chlamydia and tell her it's something all young ladies should have?
The knickers in bags I had previously found I have just discarded of as they were so smelly didnt really fancy opening the bag ad checking if they were washable. But judging by todays ones I think if they are washed straight away they will be fine so am definately going to take he advice of teaching her how to use the washing machine. Do you think I should nicely question why she is so embarrassed incase is urinary problem or underlying fear she has something wrong with her? Gosh teenage girls are so complicated lol!
Thanks again for all helpful advice and support and
for susan B very nice to hear Im not doing to bad a job of being a step mum! xx
Thankyou lucy G for your opinion but I dont think I'l be following your advice as feel that would shatter the fragile bond we have developed. Although she has only lived here for a year she has been staying every weekend since she was 10 and is 13 in just over a week. As previously said I have been the one to explain puberty and periods as even at 10 noticed she was developing fairly early.
I think I will insist on showers every other evening and add some pantyliners to the sanitary towels and re explain again how discharge etc is natural. Do you think I could get her appointment with nurse to get checked for thrush/bv/chlamydia and tell her it's something all young ladies should have?
The knickers in bags I had previously found I have just discarded of as they were so smelly didnt really fancy opening the bag ad checking if they were washable.
But judging by todays ones I think if they are washed straight away they will be fine so am definately going to take he advice of teaching her how to use the washing machine. Do you think I should nicely question why she is so embarrassed incase is urinary problem or underlying fear she has something wrong with her? Gosh teenage girls are so complicated lol! Thanks again for all helpful advice and support and
for susan B very nice to hear Im not doing to bad a job of being a step mum! xx0
