Scared of my ex he is ruining my life

has anyone got any advice? For what I can do?

Hi Olivia,

I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.

I'm sorry you've gone through so many traumatic events in your young life - sending gentle hugs your way this evening.

So Olivia, you've covered many different issues in your post, but the most important thing to start with is to keep yourself safe. You said that you've been to the police and you said: 'Police were so sh*t last time we tried to tell them what he’d done when he broke in and stole, so I really don’t trust them to do anything this time. Female cousin keeps telling me I should report him and I really do want to. I do have proof of a lot because I kept it just in case, but I don’t trust the police any more. They are so bad and so useless they just don’t care. They won’t do anything past “have a word with him” or make him write another stupid pointless “apology letter” probably!!.  This is totally unacceptable behaviour Olivia and I'm struggling to understand why the police took this approach? Did you have any evidence of the assaults eg. did you go to the gp or the hospital when he tried to strangle you or caused you to injure your tailbone? Do you have evidence of any of your injuries or witnesses who would be prepared to tell the police what they saw?

You've also mentioned that he raped you and continued to sexually assault you when you clearly said no - did you seek any help following these assaults? I'm sorry for all the questions Olivia, but I'm trying to understand what professionals have been made aware of what you've gone through so that hopefully, they can support you if you decide to report him to the police.

Can I ask if children's services have been involved in your life so far? Their job is to safeguard and protect children from harm and as a 16 year old, you are still a child in the eyes of the law - do you have a contact there perhaps?

You are also a victim of domestic violence Olivia and that is against the law as is stalking and harrassment which is what you've described here. You are entitled to feel safe in your own home and in your local vicinity without fear of violence or intimidation, so I urge you to go back to the police with any evidence you have so that they are aware of how in fear of this man you are - do you think you can do that Olivia?

I have already mentioned the police and children's services as 2 possible sources of help, but there is another wonderful charity called Women's Aid who support women every day who are/have lived with an abuser. They have lots of good advice on their website and you can chat to a trained adviser on their Live Chat service in complete confidence and they will talk you through what options you have. You can access the relevant pages here: Live Chat | Women's Aid Live Chat

I would also like you to consider making an appointment with your gp to discuss everything you've mentioned here. It's all bound to have had an effect on your well being and they will be able to make a proper assessment and perhaps suggest some counselling/therapy for you that perhaps you could access sooner - what do you think?

I hope some of this proves helpful Olivia, but come back and let us know how things are and what support you've received and we'll try to support you in any way we can.

Loraine x

Hi thanks for writing back x

I don’t know why police did that but they did. They asked my aunt if she wanted to press charges and she said she did cos he not only got in to her home illegally with a key none of us gave him but also stole off us but apparently cos it was his first offense and he’s so young and cos he gave like 2 or 3 things back then he shouldn’t be charged!?? They said there was nothing they could do and made him write a letter saying sorry but he just kinda blamed his dad for “being the way he is”??

I don’t think it was rape? As my friend who’s house he first did force sex on me in said he raped me but he said no it isn’t rape cos she’s my gf and you can’t rape a gf and also cos we are 16 and the legal age. And also cos he didn’t use a weapon or drag me down an alley way or anything and he’s not a stranger and we hadn’t been drinking (cos we are under age) so it isn’t rape and he said if I reported it to police they would say the same and I would be laughed out of court if I took it there cos they would say the same too :(

so he said even though I said no because I’m his gf its immediately consent. So..

And I went to hospital for my bruised tail bone yes because I was in so much pain I thought I broke it. My cousin took me and I did tell the triage what happened and I guess she assumed we were just playing around or something?? I don’t know. Nothing was ever done anyway and nothing else was said. After the whole break in and stealing thing and how bad the police handled it I haven’t told them anything else because I just don’t trust them to do anything I mean we had proof of him getting in and even stuff stolen and even tho he gave it back he obviously stole it because they made him give it back so they knew he took it! If that makes sense? So all that proof and they still did nothing except make him write that stupid letter.

i don’t trust the police now and I don’t think anyone would ever believe me. He is a very good liar and good at convincing people that I’m crazy and a psycho just cos I have ptsd, depression and anxiety from the abuse and bullying so he uses that as his “proof” that I’m some crazy person and nobody would ever believe me so I’m stuck :( x

Oh and also yes there have even been witnesses to him trying to strangle me against that fence and other things but like I said I don’t trust the police and he’s good at lying and twisting everything x

Hi Olivia

I'm Catherine, one of Loraine's colleagues here at Netmums. Thanks for coming back to us. Would you consider linking in with Women's Aid as Loraine suggested? It sounds as if he has made you doubt yourself and emotionally, physically and sexually abused you, Olivia. It is positive to hear that you have had good support from your friend and family too. Olivia, what he has told about 'it isn’t rape cos she’s my gf and you can’t rape a gf and also cos we are 16 and the legal age. And also cos he didn’t use a weapon or drag me down an alley way or anything and he’s not a stranger and we hadn’t been drinking' is completely untrue. You did not consent and that is rape. It doesn't matter if you had had a drink or that he didn't have a weapon. I think it would be really important to get some support Olivia - I'm going to link the Rape Crisis website here: Support for children and young people | Rape Crisis England & Wales

Please do speak to a professional Olivia. I can hear how let down you feel by the police but they will want to support you. Alternatively, you could contact the NSPCC/Childline on 0800 1111

Best wishes

Catherine

But if he was my bf and we are the legal age then isn’t it not rape…..? That’s what he said? I’m so confused and I was told the police would say the same if I reported him and also that it would just seem like I’m some jealous psycho ex gf trying to get revenge on him which I’m not but I don’t know what to think now and idk women’s aid says it’s for domestic violence but I don’t live with him. I live with my aunty and one of my cousins (female cousin). I have never lived with my ex? So I don’t think they would do anything :(

I don’t think anyone would believe me or do anything even with proof as they didn’t last time with all the evidence we already had! I just don’t know what to think or believe anymore… no one will do anything

I had a long talk to my aunt and cousins tonight and I finally told them everything. Well not everything as I didn’t tell them the places he forced me in to sex that I’m ashamed of because I’m so scared that if I tell anyone especially police then they might arrest me since they love protecting the criminals but not the victims apparently it always seems like we get the blame so I don’t feel safe to tell anyone where he did it.

But I told my aunt and cousins everything else and showed them all the messages and stuff and my aunt was really angry and then really upset and cried saying she was sorry and she had no idea it was THIS BAD and how she let me down but she didn’t! I feel like all of this is my fault. But she said it wasn’t at all. She wants me to tell the police and show them everything too but I’m terrified they won’t listen or do anything cos they have let us down so bad before even with the proof! I don’t trust them at all.

But she said at the end of the day it is my choice what to do and they will all support me. Male cousin said he will k*ll my ex if he ever sees him around here again. I begged him not to cos I don’t want him to get in any trouble because of me but he said he doesn’t care. Aunt said that now what ex’s mum said to her at the start of us going out now made sense???? Turns out she said to my aunt that “she likes to keep an eye on him cos she knows what he’s like and what he’s capable of” but my aunt didn’t think anything of it cos his mum didn’t go in to any details, so she just assumed he was your typical teenager boy or something? And aunt was so angry when I told her that his mum had told me I’m good for her son and not to break up with him (that time when she came with him to the door to make him apologise with flowers after the miscarriage and how he acted after that). When I told aunty that she was so angry and said that his mum should never have made it my job to fix her broken psychopath of a son and how dare she put that on me, how it isn’t the job of a 16 year old girl to do that and that he needs prison and professional help!

And I think she is right? I see what she means now and yeah I agree. Cousin agreed and she said that just cos I might have been good for him doesn’t mean he was good for me. He was terrible to me and abusive and it’s sick that his mum tried to get us back together for selfish reasons. Aunt wanted to have a go at his mum but cousin told her it was best to not do that cos apparently according to mutual friends he is back living with his mum now and if my aunt rings her up to have a go at her for this then she might warn him about police and then he might do a runner and not be found.

I don’t know what to do about police I just do not trust them at all to help or even listen to me or believe me. And I have heard horror stories of other girls & women who report these things and go thru hell with it all for nothing and the guy walks free and gets away with it all. Even with evidence! I just know that will happen with me he always gets away with EVERYTHING!!!! I just don’t know what to do :’(

He hasn’t contacted me again cos my number got changed and our locks got changed too and I deleted all my socials for a while but my friends have been getting fake accounts sending them horrible messages to pass on to me and some have been death threats even! And ex saying he is going to sue me for loosing the baby and saying it was my fault it happened cos I didn’t want the baby so I made myself miscarry apparently (no I didn’t!!! I don’t even know if that can happen?) but he wants to sue me in court for emotional distress and damage from “killing our baby” :’( but I can prove I didn’t! I’m scared of him doing that tho as if it wasn’t hard enough for me to go through all by myself and he didn’t care at the time and made up so many lies about me. One minute he was lying saying I lied about being pregnant at all now he’s saying I apparently killed the baby? Well make up your mind! It can’t be both! Anyway it was obviously neither!!! But I know how far he will go and what he’s capable of and how good and convincing he is at lies. So I’m really really scared.

If only the police here were better and did their jobs properly maybe it wouldn’t be so hard and so scary.

I never ever ever ever EVER want another bf as long as I live. This has ruined love for me for life :’( and I never want to have sex again. I didn’t want to anyway yet before him. Maybe one day with the right guy but now never again.

I feel so broken and screwed up :’(

Hi Olivia,

It's Loraine again.

Well done for opening up and being honest with your aunt and your cousin - I hope their reaction has made you start to realise that it's helpful to share what you've been through and that none of this is your fault!

I wanted to respond to a couple of points you made in your last post. Regarding Women's Aid, (WA) you do not have to live with an abuser to suffer from domestic abuse. The fact that you were his gf at the time, does not give him any right to rape or sexually assault you Olivia and the fact that he has told you this, is just another example of how he has been controlling what you think. Unfortunately, you can't control how other people behave, only how you react to it and you've taken the first steps by ending the relationship, changing your phone number and writing to us - well done you!

Having said that, I can hear that you're still reluctant about contacting Women's Aid, so we have a parent supporter here at netmums who also works for them and I'll ask her to drop by and offer you some advice. Please understand that they are dealing with this kind of situation every single day and they will not force you to do anything you don't want to.

You said you are scared of telling the police because 'they might arrest me' - but what could they possibly arrest you for Olivia? Maybe now that you've told your aunt and your cousin, one of them could be with you when you tell them what happened? They have special liaison officers who will understand what you've been through and what your bf did to you is a criminal offence regardless of what he might tell you.

You said you 'feel so broken and screwed up' and that is completely understandable given what you've been through, but you've started the process of recovery and there are experts out there who can help you and you deserve to access the help Olivia.

As always, keep chatting with us and we'll try to get you the best information and advice that we can.

Loraine x

Hello Olivia,

I’m from Women’s Aid. It’s really brave of you to share your experience and I’m glad that you felt able to reach out for support. I’m sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through- it sounds very traumatic and distressing for you. Your ex-partner sounds so emotionally, physically and sexually abusive and it is understandable that you are struggling. I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage- I hear how painful this must be for you and please be assured that this was not your fault. You could access support here: https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/how-we-help/helpline/

Please also know you are in no way to blame for the abuse you have experienced and your ex is 100% responsible for his abusive behaviour. You never consented to sex, and therefore this is rape. Domestic abuse and rape have devastating effects on mental health and wellbeing, and it’s crucial for you to continue to reach out and access help. As Lorraine said, you do not have to have lived with your abuser for it to be domestic abuse and we would very much like to support you here at Women’s Aid.

Please do consider getting support from Rape Crisis. They are contactable via their 24 hr helpline on 0808 500 2222; they also have a live chat service (available Mon-Fri) through their website: https://rapecrisis.org.uk 

You could also contact The Mix who are a support service that can connect children/ young people to support services around any problems they may be having including domestic abuse. They can be contacted on 0808 808 4994 or via their live chat service (3pm-midnight every day): https://www.themix.org.uk/

Also, Love Respect is a website specifically designed for young women who are experiencing domestic abuse. The website includes a relationship health check, survivor stories and practical advice. You can access the Love Respect website here: https://loverespect.co.uk/

You could also get in touch with our live chat where you can chat in confidence about your situation. Support workers won’t tell you what to do but they can give support, practical information, and discuss with you any

options that are available based on your specific circumstances. For more information about the chat service please go to: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

You might also like to get some ongoing support from your local domestic abuse service which you can find by clicking on this link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/ 

Thanks again for reaching out for support- you’ve taken a really courageous step by disclosing the abuse and you should not have to go through this alone. You deserve to live a happy life, free from abuse and fear and I wish you all the best. Take care.

Lisa.

Thankyou again x

had a horrible day at work had to be sent home early because of him! He was hanging around the bridge near where I work cos they told him if he goes on their premises again like the other day to harass me they will call police so he waited by the bridge over the rail way up the road and he was talking to the other boy my age I work with. Turns out he was telling him a bunch of lies about me but luckily the boy didn’t believe him and came and told me and our department boss what was happening and boss called police but ex had already run off..

ex told the boy I work with that I killed our baby and that I’m a cheater and a sl*g and apparently I sleep around with everyone and to be careful cos he’s next???? No way! I don’t ever want to be with anyone ever again as I said. He said some more horrible things too even saying that I assaulted him!!! Which I never did! The only thing I ever did was to kick him off me when he was holding me by my throat that time because if I didn’t he might have killed me. It was the only way to get him off. But does that make me an abuser too? I don’t know now. He said he’s told the police and they are coming to arrest me at work today so when my work friend told me about this all, I had a massive panic attack and was crying and had to be sent to the first aid room and then aunt had to call my cousin to come and pick me up and take me home cos it was his day off today. I feel so bad ruining his day off even if he did say it wasn’t my fault.

All of this has me so upset and scared.

Can my ex really sue me for loosing the baby? Is that a thing? Because I really didn’t kill the baby! I wouldn’t even know how to do that and I would never ever do something like that! But he says me not wanting it caused it to happen? I don’t think that’s even possible is it….? I don’t think so. But idk I feel so all over the place and confused. Can he really sue me?

And I’m worried I might get arrested myself cos of where he did what he did to me. I’m still in shock that it is rape I just can’t wrap my head round it. I was always made to think it wasn’t because he was my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend and we are 16. I am so confused. I still don’t know what to think, my head feels like I’ve been eating popping candy and it’s all over the place and so loud in my head.

But I still don’t think police will do anything about it even if it was the r-word unfortunately :’( they never do. I do have some texts in a group chat with him and our friend (she isn’t friends with him any more) from the time, and that mentions it happened and then he denies it and says it isn’t so could I use those for proof? Friend also said she will be a witness for me cos she woke up to it happening and saw it and obviously kicked him out for it. And her and her mum have said they will gladly be my witnesses to the miscarriage too. And another friend who was there did too. Will they be enough proof for those two things?

My aunty has called the police for me as I said she could as I just can’t take this anymore and I want him locked up and far away from me for life!!! They are coming over here at 6-7pm so hopefully they will actually listen to me and believe me. Just need to get all my evidence that I do have and my friend and her mum are standing by on the phone they said, or they can come over to mine when police are here or police can come to them they said.

I am so so nervous and scared. I’m worried they really will arrest me for the horrible places he r-word me in because they are just so bad and I know if anyone knew about them they would hate me forever even though I would never ever ever willingly do it in those places cos it’s so bad and so disgusting and evil to do. Oh god I don’t know if I can do this :’( I’m scared I will get the blame or not be believed or nothing will get done again. Shaking a lot

Other stuff he has done that I can think of on the top of my head:

• kept asking me for money all the time. He’s in college but bunks off all the time and has no job but I have my apprenticeship and I get paid for it. So he always asks me for money and if I say no to him he would get really really nasty and threaten me or call me names or try to guilt trip me and make me feel bad until I caved in and lent it to him. Well actually he would ask to “borrow it” and always said he’d pay me back but he never once did! I made sure to keep a note of what he had off me every time tho and I even have some texts or messages on WhatsApp or FB saying he would pay me back and me asking for it back and him never having it and then sometimes when I’d ask for my money back he would say “funny thing is I’m reporting you for harassment *****!” just to make me shut up and stop asking for MY money back that he promised to pay back!!!!!
• He was really really nice at the start but a few weeks in to us being together maybe like 2 months ish I found out one of my so called “friends” had sent him pics of her in underwear! And like half nudes and stuff and he was like asking for more? Calling me frigid and stuff! I found out and had a go at them both but they both said it apparently didn’t mean anything and I’m over reacting and that everyone does this to other people even if they have a gf/bf and it’s no big deal. I said it was to me and it’s cheating and he said no it isn’t cheating and anyway it’s my fault for not sending him any myself
• I found out after we split that he has pics of me naked!!!! I never sent any cos I don’t do things like that and I’m too self conscience about my body because of my scars and being too skinny and stuff I’m not curvy or have bigger boobs like most girls my age :( but he had nudes of me and as I said I never sent them! And he was threatening to send them to people and also to my abusive dad!!!!! And when I asked how he got them he said he took them when I was asleep and couldn’t argue and be a frigid little baby about it and as my bf at the time it was his right to have pics of me! He also took pics of himself having sex with me when I didn’t even know! And couldn’t see cos he would always hold me face down so I didn’t even know :’( so he’s saying he is going to send these to people! And he sent me some as proof that he had them cos I didn’t believe him at first and omfg he does have them!! :’( and he made fun of me for bleeding in some of them and called me a pathetic baby for bleeding and that I need to grow up and he’s gonna warn everyone not to ever sleep with me cos I’m a bleeding cry baby :’( 
• he used to tell really sick lies but I didn’t know they were even lies at first cos who the hell would lie about these things?! First was at the start of our relationship and one day he was being all weird and distant on Valentine’s Day and I didn’t know why (we had only been together not even a week yet) so I thought I’d done something wrong but didn’t know what? So I asked him and he said no it wasn’t me and how it was the one year anniversary of his ex gf where he used to live’s death. He said she died in a car crash on Valentine’s Day the year before. It was the first I’d ever heard of this! And everyone else apparently never heard of it til then either so I was upset for him and said I was so sorry and didn’t know. It did hurt that he was grieving his ex on our first Valentine’s Day but I didn’t want to make it all about me so I just bottled up how I felt and was there for him as best I could be. But over time he told the story a few other times and every time details would change about it? Til eventually he said she’d been pregnant with his baby when the crash happened and that they’d both died in the accident!? Well that was news to me cos he had been a virgin before me, and so had I. And he had even admitted it a lot and was being picked on by his friends for being a virgin which is what made him force me in to sex! So I was confused. One day I brought it up to his mum and she said “no that isn’t true, he’s never had another gf you are his first!” and she demanded to know what the hell he was on about and he laughed and said to me “you passed the test!” I was so confused and he said he had been testing me with that story all that time to see if I would be cool about him potentially having an ex girlfriend that he loved, and also not being a virgin before  me and also having a baby before me but both had died, he wanted to see if I would be a jealous gf and I wasn’t and I had supported him until the truth came out so I passed the test?!?! I was so angry and disgusted and his mum had a right go at him and I just left and went home. 
• Another lie he told was he apparently did an arson attack on a shed at his last school and that’s what got him kicked out and sent to ours? But his cousin who still went to that school who he was close to said that wasn’t true there was never any arson attack and he was sent to live with his mum cos his dad couldn’t handle his behaviour.
• another lie was that his dad used to apparently hit him with a baseball bat? I don’t even know if we have those in this country but even if we do wouldn’t he have like bruises and scars and broken bones and stuff? He doesn’t. And again his cousin and mum both said that’s a lie and that his dad just couldn’t disipline him properly so sent him to his mum after he got suspended from school for bad behaviour all the time.
• he smoked weed a lot and I hated it. He tried to get me to do it too and also tried to bully me in to drinking too but I don’t like alcohol cos of my dad so I panic every time someone gets drunk let alone me drinking any!
• he tried cocaine once too! And I found out that he had not only did that but also cheated on me with a girl when he asked me to call him at 10am one day so I did but no answer. Waited about an hour and tried again but a girl answered the phone and asked who I was so I said his gf and she very smugly told me “they were still in bed call later” and hung up on me!!!! She answered HIS PHONE and I could hear “noises” in the background too :’( he said he had “accidentally” cheated on me after taking coke and I couldn’t blame him cos he was so out of it and didn’t know what he was doing apparently. Yeah right! 
• At Christmas one of my other uncles sent me some money for Christmas and I was putting my train ticket in my purse when I met up with my ex and he saw the money in there and asked me if he could “borrow it” so I said no cos he still owed me so much and I am never lending him or giving him any more ever again. He kept on and on and on and on and ON at me for it but I kept saying no so he started shouting at me saying that he was “in weed debt” apparently? That he had bought weed off someone the other day but couldn’t pay at the time and he’d get the money to them by a certain day but he didn’t have it so now the person was coming after him for the money and he needed to pay them back! So I said oh it’s funny how you are so desperate to pay them back but not me! Never me. And he said well you’re my gf and we are in a relationship so we share money. What’s yours is mine and mine is yours. So I said so when are you ever going to give me anything? And he laughed and said when I get some money. Yeah right! I still said no and he literally got on his knees and begged me. Said that this person would kick his head in if he didn’t pay, and I said well that’s your fault you need to figure it out yourself because I’m sick of giving you money you never give back. You should get a job like me and earn it yourself or ask your mum if you’re that desperate! He then called me a selfish ***** and that I’m heartless and don’t love him and don’t care about him, how if he winds up in hospital or dead then I have blood on my hands and it will be on my conscious and stuff. I got so angry and said no it won’t, you shouldn’t buy weed and stuff if you can’t afford it! And I went back to the train station. He followed me all the way there shouting at me and calling me names then begging for my money in the next second. Eventually I got to the station and he grabbed my bag off me and took out my purse and took £20 of my Christmas money out and then pocketed it then gave me a fiver in pound coins and said “here go and buy yourself something nice. Thankyou thankyou you saved my life!” so I yelled at him to give me my money back and I never said he could take it and he’s a thief and he sprinted off and I couldn’t catch him. 
• he always demanded I come to him and meet him every single day. He would never come to me first! And if I didn’t or couldn’t cos of work or course work or having other plans, he would get nasty and call me names and accuse me of cheating on him!!! 
• he would never walk me home even if it was really late and pitch black. He would always say he couldn’t be bothered and would never care if I got home safe! 
• he messed up a bunch of my friendships by telling lies about them and saying they had said or done things they hadn’t and would stir up trouble and arguments with us so we would fall out. And he wouldn’t let me meet up with my other friends and he would always hate my friends who didn’t like him cos he treated me badly. He would always claim I was cheating if I wanted to hang out with anyone else even if it was other girls! I always had to be with him every day at his demand otherwise I was a cheat apparently. 
• he wanted to have a baby with me for a council flat and benefits :( he says that isn’t true but he would always go on about them every time getting pregnant was brought up or when I was pregnant he’d be like have you applied to benefits yet? have you applied for a flat yet? But I didn’t want either of those!
• when he left his mums and got kicked out of friend’s house he went to job centre to apply for jobseekers and a crisis payment cos he was homeless? he got put in a guest house thingy for a little while and got a crisis payment which was a lot I think but he literally spent it all in a few hours on drinks and ciggies that he got someone over 18 to get for him, a bunch of weed and some food (not even good food, just junk!) and then asked me for money again the next day and I said no!!!!!! and as for the jobseekers he would always lie about what he applied for in his booklet thing. He just made it all up and only actually applied for a few jobs that he never got an interview or anything for. His cv wasn’t very good either and I tried to help him with it but he didn’t even sit most of his gcse’s and bunked off them and kept bunking off college and he’s only doing a level 1! and he wasn’t listening or helping when I tried to help him. So his cv was rubbish. Eventually they found out and took away his jobseekers so he blamed me for that!
• he always put me down in front of other people and would always wind me up on purpose by saying and doing awful things and if I got upset or anything at all he would say like “see I told you she’s a nutcase!” or whatever. He would always use my mental health against me even though he was the one being nasty to me! And some people even believed him even tho they saw what he was doing!
• he uses people all the time I don’t think he actually cares about anyone but he acts all nice to them and they seem to fall for it
• he told me not to tell anyone about what goes on in OUR relationship as it’s not their business. And if anyone ever had a go at him for how he treated me he would blame me and say  I told them and would have a go at me and say I’m too immature for a relationship and stuff. It was actually one of these occasions that led to him strangling me that time. He said I made him lash out cos I always air our laundry to everyone and make him look bad when he isn’t and that he’s the best I will ever get cos no one will put up with me being such a f**king psycho?!? :(  

So yeah that’s some of the other stuff he’s done!

Hi Olivia,

It's Loraine again.

You've absolutely done the the right thing by contacting the police and your aunt sounds like a fantastic support!

Please use the opportunity to tell them exactly what's happened to you, even if you have to show them your posts on here.

Of course your boyfriend can't sue you for losing your baby - so please don't worry about that.

The most important thing is to keep you safe, so please be honest about everything - there is nothing you have said that could get you arrested.

Come back and let us know how you are.

Loraine x

Police came earlier and we told them and showed them everything. Aunt insisted this time that we want to press charges and not to fob us off again with pathetic letters of apology or excuses because he has got away with too much now thanks to police so he obv thinks he can get away with everything. Friend and her mum popped over to speak up too and shockingly so did friend’s brother and his wife which I wasn’t expecting tbh! They backed up everything I said that they knew about and I said to the police that they can ask my gp or the hospital for my medical records about the miscarriage if they don’t believe me I have nothing to hide! But they said it won’t be necessary and that they do indeed believe me cos there was proof on my phone with the convos and the photo I took of the first pregnancy test and also my aunt backed me up cos she’s the one who took me and friend ans her mum backed me up too cos it started to happened at their house.

The police woman we spoke to was really shocked when aunt told her about the theft and break in and how the officers at the time only made him write a stupid letter and she was apalled and said that’s not right and she’s disgusted and that is not how it should have been handled and she made a note of it and said she’d let her superior know and make sure that’s investigated cos that is not right.

And she said she has enough evidence for an arrest and will need to wait for her colleague so she has some back up. So I think it’s happening tonight or maybe has already? Haven’t heard anything yet.

And she said I am not in any trouble and that I did nothing wrong and that he can’t sue me for a miscarriage it doesn’t work like that. And she also said yes it is rape and abuse what he did to me and that it doesn’t matter where it happened (I couldn’t tell her I am too ashamed and scared :’( ) but I would not be blamed or held accountable for it because I did not consent. And she can tell I’m not that sort of person.

I Just feel so numb. I can’t get my head around it all. I didnt know it was rape because of what I had been told but having you all and the police say it was has made me feel really weird and just numb inside. I never thought it would ever happen to me I just never really thought about it. She said I’ll need to give some more information at a later time and make a recorded statement too and if it goes to court too then I’ll need to go over it all again. I don’t know if I can go through all of this I feel so drained and can’t stop crying and shaking and I can’t eat since she left. How will I manage to do all of those other things if I feel like this now? I’m so scared.

i know he will lie and deny it and they will probably fall for it again and let him off like with the break in and stealing! He will defo try to turn it all around on me I just know he will and I’m scared. What if he comes after me now? I know he’s being arrested but don’t they do bail? I’m terrified but I have nowhere else to go and he knows where I live and where I work and places I go to. I’m too scared to go out at all now!!! I’m scared he might actually kill me now or hurt me way worse than he already has! :’(

The police woman said she’s horrified that someone my age (16) this young is already such a vile criminal and has the mind of a psychopath. Me too I’ve known some pretty evil people like my dad and my bullies but this is so so scary!

honestly just want to end it all it’s too much to deal with :’(

Morning Olivia,

It's Loraine again.

I can hear how scared you are now that you've told the police everything and it must have taken a lot of courage to do that - you should be proud of yourself.

It might not feel like it right now, but it truly was the right thing to do for you and your own mental health. Some people can only start the process of recovery, once they accept and acknowledge what happened and now you've taken the first step towards that.

Did the police talk to you about how to keep yourself safe? Did they talk about any kind of injunction so that your ex isn't allowed to come near you or contact you? What advice did they give you about going to work etc ?

Have any other authorities been in touch eg. social services?

There are lots of organisations out there Olivia whose job is to keep children safe, so take all the help and advice you can get as you deserve to be protected from harm.

You said that you 'honestly just want to end it all' - it's completely understandable that your head is bursting with different feelings and emotions right now, but again, please reach out to your GP or call the samaritans on 116123 if you start to feel overwhelmed.

We're here every morning and evening to chat if you continue to find it helpful, so let us know how you are and we'll try to support you in any way we can.

Loraine x