At a loss what to do now....Have I been unreasonable

Hi, i feel as if i need a women's perspective and opinion on this as i am at a loss. Ok so this is extremely difficult for me to talk about given the fact that I am really communicative usually so here goes.

A brief background about myself:

I am a mid 50s male, not a confident person, have suffered with anxiety, depression and mental health issues in the past. Had a messy separation, divorce, child custody issues a few years back that took their toll on my emotional and mental health. On medication for an enlarged prostate (the medication I am on has caused me to have a condition called Retrograde Ejaculation). Had a couple of brief relationships over the past 15 years but nothing that ever lasted. Suffered from sexual anxiety due to an ex who publicly ridiculed because of lack of libido and erection problems during those difficult years. Sex was OK when i was in my comfort zone as I was fairly confident but when it came to having oral sex performed on me, I would suffer erection problems because of her lack of compassion and understanding, and would ridicule me in person and make a big deal of it in front of her friends, leaving me feeling belittled and inadequate. (Obviously I'm not in a relationship with her now). (This has now caused me to to have anxiety issues around the subject of oral sex and traumatic memories come back to me)

On to the current problem........I've met someone who i believe to be my soulmate. We've been with each other just over a year. Our sex life has been nothing short of amazing......early on in our relationship we were making love 5 or 6 times a day with the most being 9 times on a Sunday duvet day! Although I had performed oral sex on her a handful of times, she had only tried to perform it on me once before but had given up due to it not quite fitting in as it should.

Anyway, last night we decided that, after a shower, we would try again. I have to admit that the prospect of it really did fill me with excitement but also there was this anxiety issue at the back of my mind with thise feelings of before from my ex's actions. We were in bed, i was in a 'soft' state when she began. Within 30 seconds I was getting there and really enjoying the feelings and sensations when an overwhelming feeling of anxiety hit me and I could feel that I wasn't quite as hard as I wanted to be and was starting to feel embarrassed and anxious. I automatically grabbed myself and just stroked myself a couple of times in order to get myself harder, to prevent my embarrassment from going further, in order for my gf to carry on.

The next reaction wasn't quite what I'd expected.......she jumped up and went absolutely mad at me saying my actions had basically told her that she was crap at what she was doing and that her feelings had been hurt. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't her, it was me, but however it came out, it all came out wrong.....she got angrier and angrier, couldn't comprehend what I was trying to explain her, called me weird and refused to touch me again. I've tried to explain to her today on numerous occasions what was behind my behaviour and actions, but she still doesn't understand, or is refusing to accept my explanations, purely believing that she is rubbish and I've made her feel awful about herself.

(I will add that we had already had had penetrative sex 4 times yesterday afternoon and every time it was incredible)

I've tried to tell her that the problem lies with me and my anxiety around stepping out of my comfort zone and that with more practice we would become great but she has interpreted that as me telling her that she is rubbish at it! That isn't what I had implied at all!!

So, now she is feeling really hurt and inadequate and angry with me for my actions. I'm at a loss now because I love her to bits, she's my soulmate after all. I don't know what to say or do in order to get her to understand.....without insulting her or making her feel she's inadequate, which she definitely isnt?

How do I move forward with her? I definitely need a women's perspective on this so can anyone help?