I want to leave him
13 answers /
Last post: 06/02/2024 at 2:58 pm
Me and my partner have been together for 8 years, after I fell pregnant after a one night stand. He was a good friend of mine and was always so lovely and a gentlemen to me moving on one night we had a one night stand and I fell pregnant and we decided to give it ago. However he has another son so has
Epilepsy and for this reason he still lives at home with his ex partner and son moving on 8 year's he has became very controlling. I'm not alone to go out alone, talk to anyone it started with just men but moved in to women to, I don't go on nights out or even go good shopping on my own however he goes to golf twice a week and out drinking every Saturday and lives with another women. I feel like he is just living his life and doesn't care about my feelings I had a long conversation with him in July last year saying how much our relationship is hurting me and that I want to live together get married ect but nothing has changed I want to leave but am I wrong?
You aren't wrong at all, it sounds like he is incredibly controlling and you are putting your life on hold. If this is how he is when you don't live together Imagen how much worse it might have got if you did?
It sounds like he's not invested anything in you, yet he's expecting you to invest everything in him.
Get in touch with a domestic abuse charity, you can contact them online and chat or email to help you if you need any help with custody of your kid, but if they live with you anyway that doesn't sound like that would be an issue.
I think once you've made this decision you will feel a lot better.
Hi Joanne,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic unhealthy relationships, so you can get the advice and support you need
Hi. I just have a question. Given all you've said about his control, and he is, make no mistake, coupled with everything else, WHY would you want to marry him???? I'm baffled.
Hi Joanne . I know you think this man loves you , but his actions are showing he does not..he lives with his ex while you must not go out even to do shopping.This is unhealthy and so wrong. NO ONE can tell you where and when to go out and with whom..Your , your own woman and deserve to be happy and free. It will be hard but trust me it will get better.., surround yourself with people that love and care for you and get your life back. Talk to organisations if you need support.. or message me if you need to talk..Sending you love and healing š
Hello Joanne
You have already had some advice off others, which I do hope has given you some other ways to look at the relationship you are in.
You have described a relationship that does not seem to make you happy, and you wish for it to look very differently to how it currently is. I think this is very important to remember.
You have described the behaviour of your OH, and it sounds very controlling and unhealthy. Have you ever heard of coercive control Joanne? You can read more about it in the link below, but basically describes control from another person that deprives people of their independence. It does seem that this is how you are being treated by your OH. When you get chance, take a look here:
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/
I wonder if talking this through with someone would be a good idea?
Women's Aid have a live chat / contact page here:
https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/?_gl=1*1r4f2j5*_ga*MTU3NzkzODk0NC4xNjgyNjg2ODM5*_ga_C8H9JGBD77*MTcwNjg5OTIwNS42LjAuMTcwNjg5OTIwNS4wLjAuMA..
Perhaps this may help you see things more clearly and decide what you want thing to become for you and your LO.
Please do come back to chat more if this helps.
Best wishes
Tracey HV
Hello Joanne,
This was really sad to read.
You need to move on. This man has been using you and is now controlling you.
He's not available and you will never have the family life you're dreaming of with him if you keep waiting for him.
Move on. Find yourself a nan that's available and will treat you the way you should be treated.
The fact that his other child has epilepsy is no excuse as to why he still lives with his ex. Are you actually sure that his ex, is actually an ex? Have you met his ex? Is she aware that you are both together? The whole set up sounds strange, and Iād definitely be looking more into it if I was you.
The fact that his other child has epilepsy is no excuse as to why he still lives with his ex. Are you actually sure that his ex, is actually an ex? Have you met his ex? Is she aware that you are both together? The whole set up sounds strange, and Iād definitely be looking more into it if I was you.
Oh it is strange, yes I've met his ex, she knows about me and has met our son. It's said they live this way because of their son being ill and I just have to deal with it but how long for and now my son is asking why we don't live with daddy it's just so unfair
Hello Joanne,
This was really sad to read.
You need to move on. This man has been using you and is now controlling you.
He's not available and you will never have the family life you're dreaming of with him if you keep waiting for him.
Move on. Find yourself a nan that's available and will treat you the way you should be treated.
Oh I no he says himself I'm his like an object and am to live his way but our son has begun asking why we don't live with daddy and honestly it's killing me to think how it's affecting my son and what it's teaching him
You aren't wrong at all, it sounds like he is incredibly controlling and you are putting your life on hold. If this is how he is when you don't live together Imagen how much worse it might have got if you did?
It sounds like he's not invested anything in you, yet he's expecting you to invest everything in him.
Get in touch with a domestic abuse charity, you can contact them online and chat or email to help you if you need any help with custody of your kid, but if they live with you anyway that doesn't sound like that would be an issue.
I think once you've made this decision you will feel a lot better.
The thought of how this is affecting my son is killing me
Hi. I just have a question. Given all you've said about his control, and he is, make no mistake, coupled with everything else, WHY would you want to marry him???? I'm baffled.
Because he is the father of my son I know that sounds stupid but I want to fix the broken home and think marriage is the only way he will want to live with us ect
Hi Joanne . I know you think this man loves you , but his actions are showing he does not..he lives with his ex while you must not go out even to do shopping.This is unhealthy and so wrong. NO ONE can tell you where and when to go out and with whom..Your , your own woman and deserve to be happy and free. It will be hard but trust me it will get better.., surround yourself with people that love and care for you and get your life back. Talk to organisations if you need support.. or message me if you need to talk..Sending you love and healing š
This made me cry š¢ I don't remember what it's like to be free
