Expert Q&A - Child Mental Health

16 answers /

Last post: 15/09/2023 at 6:27 pm

POLLY L(45)
Polly L(45)
09/05/2022 at 9:24 am

To celebrate the launch of Netmums' and BBC Education’s Let's talk about child mental health campaign, child psychologist Laverne Antrobus will be online from 7-8pm on Tuesday 10 May to answer all your questions about child mental health.


Whether your child is suffering from mental health issues and you need to access help and guidance, you're looking for advice on navigating conversations with your children about their mental health, or you just want tips on how to help them maintain good mental health, simply pop your questions below to receive a personalised response from Laverne on the 10th.


You can learn more about Laverne's experience and qualifications here: https://tavistockandportman.nhs.uk/about-us/contact-us/staff/laverne-antrobus/ 

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SAMMY K(9)
Sammy K(9)
10/05/2022 at 11:40 am

I'm always so worried about the link between screen time and mental health. My 12yo daughter seems to spend her life glued to her phone, and it's a total drama every time we try to get her to do any screen-free activities. She's mostly just chatting to her friends, so I'm not too worried about her getting exposed to shady stuff online or anything; but I can't help but think that spending so much time on screens can't be good for her MH or development.


Am I right to be worried? Any tips on how to get her to put her phone down and join in with family activities?

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NANCYDREW
NancyDrew
10/05/2022 at 12:29 pm

Hello - I am just looking to explore a few things. During COVID my friend separated from her husband. No-one else in involved but they just fell out of love. Perhaps spending so much time together made them realise that they just don't like each other any more - sad hey.


Anyway - they have a 17 year old daughter who is really struggling. She has her A levels next year and feels that her parents are both putting 'grown up' pressure on her which is making her sad. She was crying last night.


Things like - loneliness / money worries / gas and electricity bills etc - all coming her way. She has her own stress to deal with like her mocks and applying for uni etc and is finding it all too hard. What advice could I give her to help at all?


Thank you

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NAOMI B(9087)
Naomi B(9087)
10/05/2022 at 12:32 pm

What are some of the warning signs to look out for? We hear a lot about child mental health concerns but what specifically should parents be on the look out for?

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SUE W(434)
Sue W(434)
10/05/2022 at 12:37 pm

How do you help kids cope with friendship fallouts? My daughter (13) has fallen out with her group of friends over something daft and she is really isolating herself atm. Can’t get her to see that it is all temporary she says it’s the end of her world. So hard to see her so low😔

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SALLY J(232)
Sally J(232)
10/05/2022 at 12:38 pm

My six year old son has definitely become more shy and introverted in the last few months and I'm worried it could get worse. Is there a way I can help him get over this, Im not sure how to talk to him about it without it becoming an issue?

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MARY C(187)
Mary c(187)
10/05/2022 at 3:21 pm

My daughter suffers from anxiety where she will need to go off to a corner or different room to have a little cry when something affects her badly. She is a social person and fairly confident but on occasion something will trigger her, for instance she can't go into deep water any longer although she was fine with it in the past. Are there any breathing exercises or some other ways she can use to calm herself backdown to join in with everyone else?

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LAVERNE ANTROBUS
Laverne Antrobus
10/05/2022 at 6:16 pm
In answer to
Sammy K(9)

I'm always so worried about the link between screen time and mental health. My 12yo daughter seems to spend her life glued to her phone, and it's a total drama every time we try to get her to do any screen-free activities. She's mostly just chatting to her friends, so I'm not too worried about her getting exposed to shady stuff online or anything; but I can't help but think that spending so much time on screens can't be good for her MH or development.


Am I right to be worried? Any tips on how to get her to put her phone down and join in with family activities?

Hi Sammy, really helpful question, one that I think many parents will really feel is relevant to them. Phones are here to stay so you are right to be trying to work out how to manage them and your daughter's interest in hers. It sounds to me that you are feeling that she is using it in a way that feels appropriate, whilst you have got her on side perhaps start anticipating a few 'hotspots' such as saying it needs to be downstairs charging when she is sleeping or that homework needs to be completed ahead of phone use. Given that she sounds so sensible I would let her know that sometimes young people stumble across things that can make them worried, confused or upset and that if that happens you would like her to tell you about it straight away. And as always try to ensure that the adults in the house model healthy phone habits, so when its family/meal time this is time for phones to be put away so that you can be really available to listen to each other. Good Luck sounds to me that you are on track to a healthy phone/life balance!

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LAVERNE ANTROBUS
Laverne Antrobus
10/05/2022 at 6:26 pm
In answer to
NancyDrew

Hello - I am just looking to explore a few things. During COVID my friend separated from her husband. No-one else in involved but they just fell out of love. Perhaps spending so much time together made them realise that they just don't like each other any more - sad hey.


Anyway - they have a 17 year old daughter who is really struggling. She has her A levels next year and feels that her parents are both putting 'grown up' pressure on her which is making her sad. She was crying last night.


Things like - loneliness / money worries / gas and electricity bills etc - all coming her way. She has her own stress to deal with like her mocks and applying for uni etc and is finding it all too hard. What advice could I give her to help at all?


Thank you

Hi Nancydrew, thanks for getting in touch, what a lot for this young person to be managing. My advice is that the conversation might be best with your friend. It sounds as if the adults would benefit from hearing what you have noticed and that this might help them to tune back into being a parental couple who can work together for their daughter. I completely get that they are probably trying to manage the emotional strain of a separation, however by focusing on their daughter they can be a bit united in helping her to feel that they are right behind her with the challenges that she has ahead. You sound like a really caring friend and I feel confident that you can gently ask your friend how she thinks her daughter is doing and offer to support in whatever way you can and she would like. This might just be the refocusing that both parents need which will help their daughter to take those all important next steps. Wishing you lots of luck with this important conversation.


Edited on 10/05/2022 at 6:31 pm by Tracey B(344)
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LAVERNE ANTROBUS
Laverne Antrobus
10/05/2022 at 6:43 pm
In answer to
Naomi B(9087)

What are some of the warning signs to look out for? We hear a lot about child mental health concerns but what specifically should parents be on the look out for?

Great question Naomi, thank you. This can feel like the million dollar question when so many conversations are around about children's mental health. I would say that parents are best placed to look out for any change in their child's behaviour, be that changes in eating, sleeping or mood or friendships. Some changes will be temporary, which is good to remember but if you notice that your child seems particularly agitated or worried and that this persists, maybe speak to their school to see how things are there. I always trust parents to follow their instincts so if you just can't shake off a worry then you may be onto something important, so remember to speak to your GP and ask for their thoughts, this might, added to conversations with teachers be enough to put our mind at rest. Thanks again for a very important question.

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LAVERNE ANTROBUS
Laverne Antrobus
10/05/2022 at 6:55 pm
In answer to
Sue W(434)

How do you help kids cope with friendship fallouts? My daughter (13) has fallen out with her group of friends over something daft and she is really isolating herself atm. Can’t get her to see that it is all temporary she says it’s the end of her world. So hard to see her so low😔

Thanks for getting in touch Sue, I feel for your daughter. You are probably doing everything you can to support her at this very painful time. Listening is the best advice I can give, being present and offering to help if she would like you to. At times like this I often think back to moments that feel comparable and try to remember what I would have liked as support. So, listen, offer comfort and ask her what she would like some help with, this might be practising a conversation with you (that she might try to have with these friends) or you may find she just wants you to do something with her that distracts her. Whatever you do let her know that you trust her and will stand by her as she gets through this. Wishing you lots of luck with helping her.

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LAVERNE ANTROBUS
Laverne Antrobus
10/05/2022 at 7:03 pm
In answer to
Sally J(232)

My six year old son has definitely become more shy and introverted in the last few months and I'm worried it could get worse. Is there a way I can help him get over this, Im not sure how to talk to him about it without it becoming an issue?

Hi Sally, I am having lots of conversations with parents that feel very similar to this. I think that coming through the pandemic some children are finding it quite tough to find their feet and to get back into the rhythm of life. Your son might just be taking baby steps back into routines and situations that feel a little unfamiliar. Take a few steps back yourself and meet him where he is at, that might mean more cuddles than usual, a longer bedtime routine or even a slower walk into school to have extra time to have a chat about all the things that might happen that day. Lots of young children have to revisit the more baby like part of themselves from time to time to then feel able to be a bit more grown up again. Maybe look at photos, or drawings or books that you shared when he was younger and remind him of how far he has come so that you can put him back in touch with his braver more confident self. And along the way, throw in new experiences, perhaps a few play dates where you are on hand with help when needed. He's got a whole new world to get back into and taking his time with this will make all the difference. Hoping it goes well for him and you.

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LAVERNE ANTROBUS
Laverne Antrobus
10/05/2022 at 7:15 pm
In answer to
Mary c(187)

My daughter suffers from anxiety where she will need to go off to a corner or different room to have a little cry when something affects her badly. She is a social person and fairly confident but on occasion something will trigger her, for instance she can't go into deep water any longer although she was fine with it in the past. Are there any breathing exercises or some other ways she can use to calm herself backdown to join in with everyone else?

Thanks Mary for sharing this. Anxiety is such a difficult thing for anyone to cope with not least a child. I think your daughter is clearly working out how to manage this and taking herself off is a sign that she is trying to be quite resilient. Many of us need time on our own to work things out. I'm not sure how old she is but she may need you to say you are on hand to help if she wants a bit of reassurance and that she doesn't have to manage on her own in these moments. Your example of her losing confidence with swimming/being in deep water is a reminder of how one minute we can feel confident and at others feel that we have lost that feeling. I would ask her how you can help and mention that sometimes people find breathing exercises can be very helpful when we need calming down. Trick is, you have to find the right breathing exercise that works for her, so a bit like knowing that if we go to the gym we won't immediately get fit, help her to stick with a couple exercises that you find on line until one feels like a good fit. Most of all remind her that sometimes we can feel afraid but we have to gently challenge ourselves to get back to something when the time is right so, maybe being in the deep end isn't right at the moment and she just needs to have fun in the part of the pool she enjoys. If you let her know that you are confident she can do it when she is ready that will give her the message that when she has these feelings you and your supportive messages are there to spur her on. Take care and good luck.

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RACHEL B(2356)
Rachel B(2356)
07/06/2022 at 12:24 pm
In answer to
Laverne Antrobus

Thanks Mary for sharing this. Anxiety is such a difficult thing for anyone to cope with not least a child. I think your daughter is clearly working out how to manage this and taking herself off is a sign that she is trying to be quite resilient. Many of us need time on our own to work things out. I'm not sure how old she is but she may need you to say you are on hand to help if she wants a bit of reassurance and that she doesn't have to manage on her own in these moments. Your example of her losing confidence with swimming/being in deep water is a reminder of how one minute we can feel confident and at others feel that we have lost that feeling. I would ask her how you can help and mention that sometimes people find breathing exercises can be very helpful when we need calming down. Trick is, you have to find the right breathing exercise that works for her, so a bit like knowing that if we go to the gym we won't immediately get fit, help her to stick with a couple exercises that you find on line until one feels like a good fit. Most of all remind her that sometimes we can feel afraid but we have to gently challenge ourselves to get back to something when the time is right so, maybe being in the deep end isn't right at the moment and she just needs to have fun in the part of the pool she enjoys. If you let her know that you are confident she can do it when she is ready that will give her the message that when she has these feelings you and your supportive messages are there to spur her on. Take care and good luck.

Hi. I was hoping to find a thread with someone going through the same experience as myself. My daughter has extreme anxiety, it affects every part of her life. It has done for years but getting worse by every year. The main one at the moment being school. She hasn’t been in full time education since November and it’s just getting worse. She’s been referred to CAMHS, the first time having counselling and now having a second referral. There are many reason for her to have the anxiety she does but now I’m just at a lose of what to do. I have a meeting with school on Thursday in which I’m getting a fine because of her attendance. The school hope it will make her go in and I wish it was that easy and her anxiety will just go away but I know it won’t. Have no idea what to do to get her into school again

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ASHLEY N(43)
Ashley N(43)
07/06/2022 at 6:33 pm
In answer to
Rachel B(2356)

Hi. I was hoping to find a thread with someone going through the same experience as myself. My daughter has extreme anxiety, it affects every part of her life. It has done for years but getting worse by every year. The main one at the moment being school. She hasn’t been in full time education since November and it’s just getting worse. She’s been referred to CAMHS, the first time having counselling and now having a second referral. There are many reason for her to have the anxiety she does but now I’m just at a lose of what to do. I have a meeting with school on Thursday in which I’m getting a fine because of her attendance. The school hope it will make her go in and I wish it was that easy and her anxiety will just go away but I know it won’t. Have no idea what to do to get her into school again

Hi there, Rachel,


I'm Ashley, I'm one of the Netmums Parent Supporters. Thank you for posting today.


This sounds incredibly hard, Rachel - you are trying to support your daughter in her anxiety, and you have some understanding of some of the things behind her anxiety. But it's leading to school refusal, and now you might receive a fine because of her attendance, is that right?


Do you feel there's any possibility that this meeting could be a positive thing - a chance for you and the school, and anybody else involved in supporting your daughter to talk together about how best to meet her needs? Really, you'd hope that the school would want to focus on helping her. Is there anything you could suggest in the meeting that you think could help - for example her being able to go in for shorter days for a period of time, or having work to do at home?


It's great that she's been referred to CAMHS. Because their waiting list can be so long, they need to prioritise the most significant needs, so do keep in touch with them and if you feel her mental health is getting worse, let them know.


Young Minds have some really good resources on supporting a child with anxiety here: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/anxiety/, and on school refusal here: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/school-anxiety-and-refusal/


What sort of support do you have for yourself, Rachel, while you support your daughter? Do you have good friends or extended family that you are able to lean on?


Please do keep chatting - probably the best thing would be to start your own thread (the yellow button at the top of the Child Mental Health board: https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/drop-clinic-984/child-mental-health-1029/) and then we, and maybe some other Netmums too, can keep talking to you, if that feels helpful.


Ashley

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