Bf rents his house to his ex
11 answers /
Last post: 27/01/2024 at 1:19 pm
Hi, so just wanted to get opinions on the below. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable and was wondering what other people thought .
So I’ve been dating a guy for nearly a year.. I think I need to walk away as I can’t get over him and his ex.
He has 2 kids with her and has 2 houses. He bought his one with his ex and they split up. She lived there for a few years as they wanted to be co parents.
it eventually didn’t work out so she moved out. He bought another house a few doors down for her to live in with the kids.
when I first met him, he was honest but then kept rubbing it in my face that they were co parents. They both stated that they were best mates, he used to do favours for her all the time when we got together. Paid for holidays/food fo her and the kids etc. I told him I wasn’t ok and it did calm down but he would still walk up her house and let himself in and all sit around having dinner together/put the kids to bed with her etc. they go on holiday every year and this year I said I wasn’t happy with it as we were together. He did say I could go and then he told her and she said no so he changed his mind. He said it was for the kids which I get but they have been split up for around 6 years. He said at the at the start he will always love her and she will always be family to him. We had a big row about it and a few months back she went on their joint holiday and he stayed there with them which he admitted to but lied about it for 2
months. I feel sick that he is happy for her to be so close to him. She is now pregnant with his friends baby (the guy cheated and has a family) but she is keeping the baby, she told his mum first before her own mum and his mum is ok with it. She also lives on the same street a few doors in the opposite direction.. they get on amazingly and she is always down there even when the kids aren’t there but hates me and won’t speak to me as I don’t like the fact she lives in his house and only pays £100 a month rent as she ‘can’t afford any more
sorry for the rant but basically am I being unreasonable? I’m upset his mum doesn’t like me but can still be so close to her. He’s not bothered that his mum and ex still have a relationship like that and he has spoken to his mum, she said she will do what she wants.
I feel like I need to walk away. I have my own house and a child but me and my ex don’t go out bowling or for dinner etc as we don’t want to lead our son on that we are a family as we aren’t. The kids don’t really like me because they think I’m taking their dad away. They are used to holidays/days out etc with their mum and dad but obv now I’m here it’s changed. I feel like they are leading the kids into a false sense of reality. He said she is welcome to stay in the house for the next 30 years if she wants as she is the mother to his kids. But every time I go to his I see her outside and she also doesn’t like me as his mum told her I don’t like her being there.
she also has a key for his place and we were arguing about this a few weeks back and she just walked in, didn’t knock or anything.
rant over.. thanks for listening, just interested in opinions
My opinion...
This man is telling you everything you need to know about himself and the future of your relationship with him.
He uses his continuing relationship with his ex to make you unhappy.
He lies to you.
If you dare to question his behaviour he turns it into a row.
He doesn't care about your feelings.
He's told you that he loves another woman.
His parents don't like you and make no secret of it, and he does nothing to alter their opinion.
His children don't like you and he does nothing to help you connect with them.
He prioritises time with his ex over time with you.
And over time his behaviour towards you has worsened rather than improved.
So, what do you actually get out of this relationship? What makes up for the bad stuff? What is so great about him that makes it worth sitting at home while he holidays with his ex then rubs your face in it, lies to you, treats you badly and shows that he doesn't care about how you feel or what you think?
You say you think you should walk away. I think you'd be wiser to run.
My opinion...
This man is telling you everything you need to know about himself and the future of your relationship with him.
He uses his continuing relationship with his ex to make you unhappy.
He lies to you.
If you dare to question his behaviour he turns it into a row.
He doesn't care about your feelings.
He's told you that he loves another woman.
His parents don't like you and make no secret of it, and he does nothing to alter their opinion.
His children don't like you and he does nothing to help you connect with them.
He prioritises time with his ex over time with you.
And over time his behaviour towards you has worsened rather than improved.
So, what do you actually get out of this relationship? What makes up for the bad stuff? What is so great about him that makes it worth sitting at home while he holidays with his ex then rubs your face in it, lies to you, treats you badly and shows that he doesn't care about how you feel or what you think?
You say you think you should walk away. I think you'd be wiser to run.
Thanks for your reply
When we are together we do have fun and get on really well. We do have lots in common but it’s always in the back of my mind when he goes back to his that he will see his ex behind my back. We had an argument before he went on holiday and split up for a bit and I slept with someone else which is why he says he went.
he said he’s happy to move away from the area but she would still be in his house down the road from his mum
If this situation is not for you then I'd move on. He's made it very clear that his ex is here to stay etc. I don't think he's bad for letting her live in his house as yes they are his kids and he wants security for them all. Nor do I yhink there's an issue with his ex getting on with his mum. It's better to be on good terms and co parent etc and get on with eachother. Is there a reason you don't get on with his mum?
ultimayely you have to decide whether the good times outweigh the bad !
If it were me , it’s way too weird and as the guy has kids with her the she will
always be in his life .
I was with a guy for a short while - his ex had him by the balls (excuse the phrase ) and she also had his parents wrapped round her finger too .
Was a shame as we got on but his desire to please all of them was greater than me
.
PS - ex and I are amicable (he lives walking distance ) and we are flexible when it comes to the kids (teens )
BUT , we have clear boundaries and each have our own lives now !
I can’t believe you are still with him after nearly a year! If you do leave him he will be hard pushed to find anyone willing to put up with that situation and be ok with it! There is nothing at all wrong with amicable co-parenting, in fact it is in the best interests of the children, but this would look to me as getting along with the other parent in front of the children at handovers, going to children's events such as parents evenings, school plays etc together (and also including any partner of the parents if possible) To me, having keys to each others houses, letting yourselves in with no warning and going on holidays together as though you are still a couple isn’t on. The only thing I will say is he has been straight with you that she is in his life this way and doesn’t intend to change that at all so if you are unhappy with it (which I would be!) then it’s time to say goodbye!
He’s a narcissist and you are too good for him - get out now! Wishing you all the best.
You are mostly being unreasonable.
The only thing you can object to is her walking straight into his house, as you might be there. It's up to her if he walks right into her house.
As for the rest ... you are completely in the wrong. You have a guy there who is able to co-parent positively, he prioritises his kids, he makes sure they are well provided for. You could literally have all that too if you weren't so busy trying to wreck his kids' stability. So what, he gives the mother of his children a home so he can ensure they have a nice place to live near him. So, he makes sure his kids get holidays with their mum and that she can afford to buy nice things for them. Imagine one day he might do all that for you and your kids too.
He's a better person than you, you don't deserve him, you should absolutely leave so he can be with someone who will appreciate his extremely rare skills and attributes. What a gem he is, he is an actual grown up. Have you read the posts on here at all ... you know what the other side of this coin looks like?
You are too shallow for him, too selfish and too controlling. Go and find yourself a guy without kids, who spends his all money on beer and getting drunk with his mates, or one who has to be persuaded to see his kids, or forced by the courts to provide for them, that's about your level of relationship.
Walk away. He's way too good for you.
I thought you was being unreasonable, until I read to the end.
You are not being unreasonable, he is. I understand he’s great at co parenting, and that is also good to hear she lives in his house, as he’s looking after his children, everything else is be angry too. Okay so she gets on with his mum, that up to them, but him going on holiday together I’d be questioning. If it was me, I’d have all sorts going through my head, and ultimately I’d be wondering whether it really is his friends baby, or his.
Honestly I would leave if I was you.
My thoughts are. He is and always will be a father and the situation works for them all as do parents.
This should and will continue for the benefit of the children and is none of your business.
You may not like the arrangements but it works for everyone but yourself.
If you don't like it then it is time to consider if you are in the right relationship.
We too often slate men for not being involved enough after a split but this man seems invested and doing a good job.
You are mostly being unreasonable.
The only thing you can object to is her walking straight into his house, as you might be there. It's up to her if he walks right into her house.
As for the rest ... you are completely in the wrong. You have a guy there who is able to co-parent positively, he prioritises his kids, he makes sure they are well provided for. You could literally have all that too if you weren't so busy trying to wreck his kids' stability. So what, he gives the mother of his children a home so he can ensure they have a nice place to live near him. So, he makes sure his kids get holidays with their mum and that she can afford to buy nice things for them. Imagine one day he might do all that for you and your kids too.
He's a better person than you, you don't deserve him, you should absolutely leave so he can be with someone who will appreciate his extremely rare skills and attributes. What a gem he is, he is an actual grown up. Have you read the posts on here at all ... you know what the other side of this coin looks like?
You are too shallow for him, too selfish and too controlling. Go and find yourself a guy without kids, who spends his all money on beer and getting drunk with his mates, or one who has to be persuaded to see his kids, or forced by the courts to provide for them, that's about your level of relationship.
Walk away. He's way too good for you.
There’s co parenting though and then there’s going on holidays without me being invited.. taking her a the kids o it for dinner without me being invited etc. you sound just like her
I don’t think I’m too shallow. I think he has betrayed my trust and has secret calls and texts to her which I obv am not ok with
