I feel heartbroken, what do I do?
16 answers /
Last post: 10/02/2024 at 9:04 pm
Hi all!
where do I start… me and my partner was together 6 years, living together for 5 years and a 3 year old together. April last year we had no choice but to move back to our parents houses, he went to his parents, I went to mine due to our house not being fit for habitat while we wait for a new house to become available. We still saw each other, I stayed with him at his parents house with our 3 year old but to be honest, not much as when I moved back to my parents house, I become unwell. I went through 6 months of absolute hell, going through so many tests to find out what on earth was wrong with me and I didn’t feel comfortable staying at his parents house while being unwell. It’s only been the last month I’ve started to feel better. Recently he asked me for another baby. I did say I didn’t want another baby because financially it would be hard as I’m the only one working full time, he doesn’t work. He already has a child from a previous relationship which he got full custody of and I took on and I also have 2 children from a previous relationship. He became distant with me for a few weeks. He still invited me over but he was distant and I put that down to him being disheartened which I understood. 2 days ago out of the blue he became very loving towards me so I brushed his distantness under the carpet. That very same day he told our 3 year old that she could watch YouTube on his phone. We both know each others passwords for our phones as we have nothing to hide, well, I don’t anyway but we never ever went on each others phones. She asked me to unlock his phone which I then did. As I unlocked it, the conversation between him and another woman was already displaying, so he had locked his phone with the conversation open, my heart literally sank. Yes I did read what was displaying and he was telling her how lucky he is to have her and how he’s finally found his soul mate etc. I didn’t say anything, I put my shoes on coat on and went to go, he knew something was up and asked so I calmly told him what I saw and then broke down as I walked out of the door. He rang me a few times but I didn’t answer and then text to say there’s nothing in it, he did it to make himself feel better as since being at his parents without me he felt lonely and we were missing from our relationship what he was telling her and said to speak to him about it when I’m ready. I rang him back and spoke to him, he told me it’s only ever me he will ever love, that it’s only me he will ever want, it will only ever be me and this woman lives over the other side of the world and he will never ever meet her. I did ask him to tell her he has a partner and to end the conversation with her and at first he asked what that would solve and he said he would block her! Because I was so upset we agreed to speak the next day which was yesterday and he said to just come over when I’m ready to talk so I did. As soon as I got there he asked me what I was doing there so I explained what we agreed the night before but he turned nasty. Telling me our relationship for a while has been terrible since moving back to our parents and waiting for our house and that he still wants to be with me but he isn’t moving in with me when our house is available but he will continue to speak to this woman and multiple women. How he hasn’t done anything wrong by talking to this woman, he enjoys it, how I’ve done wrong by making him feel alone and that I’m worthless. I admit while I was unwell I wasn’t there for him when he needed me, I really wasn’t. We did have a heated argument and I left and as I was leaving told me he never wants to see me again ever nor our daughter. I calmed down and I rang his phone to find out that he had blocked me. My heart feels broken. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep at all. I’m really struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel. I just don’t understand how over night we can change how he feels. We weren’t married, although I wanted to get married, he didn’t because he doesn’t believe in marriage, he says it’s just a piece of paper and it changes nothing so he suggested I changed my name via deedpol so I did. What I’m earth do I do? Because I feel that I can’t just let him go!
Hi Lauren,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic unhealthy relationships, so you can get the advice and support you need
sounds like he was in the middle of a conversation with another woman when you got there and started an argument so you didn’t ask to see his phone. Weird how he was saying he only ever wanted you now he’s blocked you. Don’t blame yourself because you weren’t there when you weren’t well, that’s rediculous, if he’s any kind of man/father he wouldn’t be texting other women he’d be texting you.
so sorry this is happening to you I know it will be hard. Good luck 💖
He has been caught out so he will deny stuff. It sounds like has checked out of your relationship. How long ago did he block you? He might calm down soon. That is a horrible way to treat you alone though. I would try and move on he isn’t trustworthy and has shown that and is now trying to turn this on you x
OK, you lived together, had a kid together and now live with your parents due to waiting on a house becoming available. So this gives him the right to speak to other woman to make himself feel good does it? Erm....hell no!!! You say you weren't there for him when he needed you because you were ill. Sweetheart, you were ill!! Trust me, I've been there and the love of my life stood by me through it all, putting his dramas on hold while I was on my death bed in ICU. It was during covid so he couldn't visit but phoned daily to check up on me. 31st January 2021 I coded twice and almost died.....he and my mom pulled together and were at the hospital in minutes. That's love!!! Not speaking to other woman. He ain't getting his usual amount of sexual gratification because of living situation so that's your fault is it? You need to think long and hard about what you think is more important. You and your kids being happy and you finding love elsewhere with someone who will be there at your beck and call OR a man who has shown his true colours and can turn from jeckyl to Hyde at the drop of a hat. Last night he was telling you he wants YOU and today he wants nothing to do with you. I'd tell him exactly where to go and that is without you and your child. If he decides to be in your child's life tell him you'll do it through the courts. He's shown who he really is. Think if that is something you can live with and if you can trust him.
He has been caught out so he will deny stuff. It sounds like has checked out of your relationship. How long ago did he block you? He might calm down soon. That is a horrible way to treat you alone though. I would try and move on he isn’t trustworthy and has shown that and is now trying to turn this on you x
He blocked me yesterday afternoon. He’s definitely blaming it on me. He said he’s done nothing wrong, it’s my own fault x
Hi Lauren
I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Sorry to hear how tough things are at the moment. It sounds like your partner has treated you really badly and has hurt you through the decisions he has made.
I can see you have already had lots of support from our lovely community and I hope you have found it helpful. If it would help to chat to some neutral like a counsellor, you might like to contact Relate who offer individual and couples counselling : Get Help | Relate
Please come back to us, if you would like to chat some more
Catherine
Sounds like the rubbish took itself out to me....let this guy get his fix from these women over the Internet...it will be short lived and he will prob go from one to another. The grass is not greener on the other side. If he can be like this to you after you taking his child on and having one of your own then he's done you a favor. Of course you will feel crap and grieve the relationship but when you overcome that part of the break up you will see him and this situation different. For now I'd block him back...not to be tit for tat but to stop him contacting you once he's bored of whoever this lady is so that I could move forward. I'd surround myself with the people who care and love me and be easy on myself. He isn't worth the pain
He blocked me yesterday afternoon. He’s definitely blaming it on me. He said he’s done nothing wrong, it’s my own fault x
I think you know the answer..... he's no good. Be strong and walk away.
You caught him talking to another woman, and he’s blocked you? He doesn’t work, gaslights you, and you’ve also taken on his child from a previous relationship. TBH I would never tell someone to just leave without knowing all the context, but what are you getting from this relationship? He sounds like a loser and you’d be better off without him. What decent father threatens to cut off all contact with his own child?? The best thing you can do is walk away with your head held high. You don’t need this loser, you’ve got this. Stay strong xxx
It's extremely hard at the moment because these feelings are still very raw. If this wasn't happening to you, and you were talking to a friend who needed advice what would you say?
Do you really believe this woman was the other side of the world?
It sounds like he may have been talking to other women too, just because of what he said about he will continue talking to her and other women.
He's done wrong and hasn't even showed remorse, he's just turned it all around on you... Saying its all your fault... ITS NOT
You are worth so much more.
You have a full time job, you will have a house and will be secure, you don't need a man like him dragging you down... I'd be tempted to change my name back if I were you too!
It's extremely hard at the moment because these feelings are still very raw. If this wasn't happening to you, and you were talking to a friend who needed advice what would you say?
Do you really believe this woman was the other side of the world?
It sounds like he may have been talking to other women too, just because of what he said about he will continue talking to her and other women.
He's done wrong and hasn't even showed remorse, he's just turned it all around on you... Saying its all your fault... ITS NOT
You are worth so much more.
You have a full time job, you will have a house and will be secure, you don't need a man like him dragging you down... I'd be tempted to change my name back if I were you too!
Hi,
yes, I have found out she’s definitely from the other side of the world. She lives in America, she’s 25 and she’s some sort of streamer. They met on an online gaming discord app 🤦🏻♀️ he’s 33 and we are from the uk. What I am struggling to understand right now is why would he leave a 6 year relationship for an online fantasy if that’s what it is? He told me he will never ever meet her. And I believe that as he’s unable to travel abroad as he has no ID and he has no income either. And not only leave our relationship but most importantly, cut his daughter off who he claims he loves more than anything on this earth. I just don’t understand it. Yesterday I tried to reach out to him via social media, I don’t use social media anymore to be honest with you, however, I’ve still got the apps on my phone. While I was trying to reach out to him, I noticed that his social media is untouched. I’m not blocked, our relationship status with our names on are still available publicly. So I’m guessing they aren’t connected on social media, it’s just the online gaming app. I only reached out to him because of course I’m heartbroken, of course I miss him but because my 11 year old son was on his way home from school yesterday and saw him outside his parents house having a cigarette. Our parents live in the same area as each other only 2 streets away, my son has got to walk past his parents house to get to mine. My son told me he bumped into him and they spoke, I couldn’t tell you what they spoke about because he didn’t say and I didn’t ask and he said he was really worried about him, he hasn’t washed, he still got the same clothes on from the the beginning of the week and he looks and sounds really depressed. So me being me, I reached out to him. He has read my messages, hasn’t blocked me yet anyway but he hasn’t replied.
So he’s basically cheated on you, not physically no, but emotionally yes. He’s probably told her, and other women how lucky he is to talk to them, and he’s found them. This isn’t a one off, he’s said other women, so he’s actively going out and searching for them all the while you’re looking after his child. He’s willing to throw away a 6 year long relationship, to chat to other women, and the worst thing is, this won’t stop as he’s not sorry he’s chatting to them, he’s not even sorry he got caught as he thinks he’s doing nothing wrong.
He has done you a favour by not get getting married, you may not think it now, but you’ll be better off without him. If it’s chatting now, what’s not to say he won’t be in dating sites soon. American for now, but what if he finds someone a bit closer?
whats a relationship without trust? As I wouldn’t trust him now.
OK, you lived together, had a kid together and now live with your parents due to waiting on a house becoming available. So this gives him the right to speak to other woman to make himself feel good does it? Erm....hell no!!! You say you weren't there for him when he needed you because you were ill. Sweetheart, you were ill!! Trust me, I've been there and the love of my life stood by me through it all, putting his dramas on hold while I was on my death bed in ICU. It was during covid so he couldn't visit but phoned daily to check up on me. 31st January 2021 I coded twice and almost died.....he and my mom pulled together and were at the hospital in minutes. That's love!!! Not speaking to other woman. He ain't getting his usual amount of sexual gratification because of living situation so that's your fault is it? You need to think long and hard about what you think is more important. You and your kids being happy and you finding love elsewhere with someone who will be there at your beck and call OR a man who has shown his true colours and can turn from jeckyl to Hyde at the drop of a hat. Last night he was telling you he wants YOU and today he wants nothing to do with you. I'd tell him exactly where to go and that is without you and your child. If he decides to be in your child's life tell him you'll do it through the courts. He's shown who he really is. Think if that is something you can live with and if you can trust him.
This. This is everything I wanted to say to the letter.
Hi,
yes, I have found out she’s definitely from the other side of the world. She lives in America, she’s 25 and she’s some sort of streamer. They met on an online gaming discord app 🤦🏻♀️ he’s 33 and we are from the uk. What I am struggling to understand right now is why would he leave a 6 year relationship for an online fantasy if that’s what it is? He told me he will never ever meet her. And I believe that as he’s unable to travel abroad as he has no ID and he has no income either. And not only leave our relationship but most importantly, cut his daughter off who he claims he loves more than anything on this earth. I just don’t understand it. Yesterday I tried to reach out to him via social media, I don’t use social media anymore to be honest with you, however, I’ve still got the apps on my phone. While I was trying to reach out to him, I noticed that his social media is untouched. I’m not blocked, our relationship status with our names on are still available publicly. So I’m guessing they aren’t connected on social media, it’s just the online gaming app. I only reached out to him because of course I’m heartbroken, of course I miss him but because my 11 year old son was on his way home from school yesterday and saw him outside his parents house having a cigarette. Our parents live in the same area as each other only 2 streets away, my son has got to walk past his parents house to get to mine. My son told me he bumped into him and they spoke, I couldn’t tell you what they spoke about because he didn’t say and I didn’t ask and he said he was really worried about him, he hasn’t washed, he still got the same clothes on from the the beginning of the week and he looks and sounds really depressed. So me being me, I reached out to him. He has read my messages, hasn’t blocked me yet anyway but he hasn’t replied.
Him leaving for her isn't the point, whether he keeps this up or not are you willing to allow this and show your daughter this us acceptable?
This is abusive, sorry but it is. Your grieving and you need to completely have no contact. Whether he's depressed or not, he is no longer your concern... he's treated you terribly, had no remorse and actually blamed you and your still running around chasing him. He knows your going to come running and he's in control. Please don't give him that power, that's why he's continuing because he knows he can!
I'd first build up your self esteem, your confidence and put yourself in a strong mental position with your friends and family surrounding you holding you up. Get your own place with your gorgeous children, switch your name back and make your way in life. Success is sweet, leave him to it. He wasn't there for you those 6mths where you needed him when you went through hell, he can go through his alone too. Talking changes and womens aid can help support you. Show your daughter how string you are! Good luck chick, you can do this alone... you already are! Xx
