How to deal with a 11 year old daughter!

8 answers /

Last post: 18/01/2024 at 8:00 am

PAULA C(946)
Paula C(946)
12/12/2023 at 11:28 am

My daughter is now 11. Growing up she was the most gorgeous kind and loving little girl but she has turned into one little madam since starting secondary school, i am struggling with her and don't know what to do for the best anymore. Her character has completely changed, she is moody, cheeky, won't listen, answers back, always has an answer. Doesn't want to do things. Bites your head off when you just talking to her. She is constantly on her phone making tik toks, talking to friends groups. Its the only time she seems happy. She is no longer loving or caring, she just doesn't seem a happy girl anymore and i don't know why as she has a lovely life and it is breaking my heart. I am finding myself just randomly bursting into tears over it and i just don't know where to go from here. She hasn't started her periods yet so i know her hormones and puberty will be kicking in and this is playing a part in all this. I have read articles on pre-teens and this all seems pretty normal behaviour for her age but it is driving me round the bend. I am finding myself relieved when she is at school and dreading when she is due home which is not right. We have a son 14 and they just constantly bicker and argue and sometimes i just want to go out the door and not come back. Family members have also noticed the big change in her SO when i seen this chat i just had to post to see if anyone else is going through the same thing and how they are managing it and for those who have gone through this does it get better, Is there anyway i can help her, any suggestions about how others have dealt with this would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks xx

0
KIRK P(2)
Kirk P(2)
13/12/2023 at 8:38 pm

My suggestion:


Sit down with her, preferably when you're both calm, and explain that you know she's experiencing a lot of changes at the moment, and that you've noticed how her behaviour has altered, and how that is affecting the family. Then ask her why she's behaving like she is, and what the family can do as a whole to help her and ensure that family life runs smoothly.


Then actually listen to what she says to you. Discuss this as you would with another adult. Try to come to a compromise that suits you all.

1
ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
14/12/2023 at 12:01 am

My daughter is 12 and in year 8 she's my best friend I leave her have her space and chat to friends but also plan lots of fun days out and she comes and tells me all the gossip asks for advice she has her moody times I leave her too it she snaps out of it after few hours she spends some nights in her room on her phone other times comes down and has takeaways etc. I'm never on her case she stated periods a year ago . Just let her have her space and plan fun days out sleepovers with friends a fun days with friends etc

1
PAULA C(946)
Paula C(946)
14/12/2023 at 9:50 am
In answer to
Kirk P(2)

My suggestion:


Sit down with her, preferably when you're both calm, and explain that you know she's experiencing a lot of changes at the moment, and that you've noticed how her behaviour has altered, and how that is affecting the family. Then ask her why she's behaving like she is, and what the family can do as a whole to help her and ensure that family life runs smoothly.


Then actually listen to what she says to you. Discuss this as you would with another adult. Try to come to a compromise that suits you all.

Thank you for your advice

0
PAULA C(946)
Paula C(946)
14/12/2023 at 9:53 am
In answer to
Anonymous

My daughter is 12 and in year 8 she's my best friend I leave her have her space and chat to friends but also plan lots of fun days out and she comes and tells me all the gossip asks for advice she has her moody times I leave her too it she snaps out of it after few hours she spends some nights in her room on her phone other times comes down and has takeaways etc. I'm never on her case she stated periods a year ago . Just let her have her space and plan fun days out sleepovers with friends a fun days with friends etc

Thank you for responding. We do have our good days and my daughter is the same she tells me all the gossip and we have mother/daughter days. I think thats what i will try and do just leave her to it instead of getting involved and asking whats wrong and getting snapped at and say she knows where i am if she wants to talk. Thanks again.

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NAOMI L(130)
Naomi L(130)
15/12/2023 at 8:20 am

Hi Paula,

do you think that social media could possibly be affecting her mental health? The suggested age for tiktok is over 13. I know it is difficult if lots of her friends are on it, but social media can have a very negative affect on tweens and teens.

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ANONYMOUS
Anonymous
16/01/2024 at 1:01 am

She's hormonal she will be starting period soon . Having high school stress and worries don't give her a hard time

Just give her love give her space when needed don't take things to heart and plan lots of bonding days out. I have a 12 year old and I no its frustrating but alot of it is hormones and whilst I will say excuse me remember who your talking too she's in year 8 now but in year 7 she was moody I just left her too it. She's calmed down loads now and started periods last year x

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LUCY T(1644)
Lucy T(1644)
18/01/2024 at 8:00 am

I do agree with some other comments.


my daughter is the same, doesn’t matter what I say, all I get is YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MUM!


Yes u was born middle aged darling!


This age is horrible for them. As long as she knows you’re there for her and regardless of the tantrums you will stay strong with what you do and no not accept it will get better!


Try and enjoy the good times and grit your teeth and get through the bad. Wine helps lol

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