Husband has a temper or am I being sensitive?
5 answers /
Last post: 26/02/2024 at 8:38 am
Me and my husband have been married coming up 6 years.
He has always had a short temper but he used to treat me amazingly and that's the man I married. 6 years later, he shows no affection towards me. We get along and have a good giggle but there is no affection and it's got to the point where his temper rules my life.
I'm constantly afraid of making mistakes incase he loses his temper. It's got worse since we had our 2 year old and he sometimes loses it with her which I cannot tolerate.
I have tried to tell him his temper is horrendous and the way he speaks to me is not normal but he usually turns it to be my fault and says everyone should stop being so sensitive when he shouts and everyone else is always the problem.
I could do 100000 jobs around the house but the minute he does 1, he will make out he's done everything and I am lazy.
His family even say he has a bad temper and he goes off the rails. (he swears a lot and calls his mother and myself names I wouldn't even call an enemy)
Because we don't argue all the time, I'm wondering if I'm just being overly sensitive and this is normal or is this some form of emotional/mental abuse.
Any comments / personal experience would be greatly appreciated because I am lost with figuring out what to do.
Hi Laura,
I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.
Thank you for posting your circumstances so honestly on here and well done for reaching out for support.
Laura you asked 'am I being sensitive'? and based on what you've described here, the answer is no!
You said: 'I'm constantly afraid of making mistakes incase he loses his temper. It's got worse since we had our 2 year old and he sometimes loses it with her' and 'he swears a lot and calls his mother and myself names I wouldn't even call an enemy' - Laura this is unacceptable behaviour and is emotional abuse.
The walking on eggshells, being made to feel like you're overreacting and doubting your own feelings, being called lazy etc is typical abusive behaviour.
Sadly, there is evidence to show that children who are brought up in this kind of environment, can go on to be detrimentally affected right through till adulthood, so you're right to be concerned.
Women's Aid are a charity who support women every day who live in abusive situations. They have a Live Chat service where you can speak in confidence with a trained support worker about what's happening at home and they will talk you through what options you have. They wont 'tell' you to do anything, but they will give you all the information you need if you want to end this relationship. You can find out more here: Live Chat | Women's Aid Live Chat
You might also find it helpful to have a read through this article on recognising domestic abuse. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/
Hopefully, some of our netmums' community will drop by and share their experience with you, but feel free to keep chatting with us and we'll try to support you in any way we can.
Loraine x
This isn’t a marriage. You don’t have a husband you have an abuser. Losing your temper with a 2 YEAR OLD? 2 year olds are still babies. Leave him.
Please take a step back and think about what this behaviour is teaching your daughter. She's seeing her dad shout not only at her, but at her mum and her nan/nana (not sure what she calls her).
This is teaching your little girl that being shouted at by a man is normal which it isnt. It should not be tolerated.
You're not being sensitive at all, he has no right to speak to you like this.
I'm sorry to say this but the loving and affectionate man you knew before you married was a facade to get you to marry him and the man you know now is the actual man you married. You are not being overly sensitive, you are being abused and then he turns around and gaslights you and it's not just you. Your 2 year old is also being abused. You need to leave this abuser not just for yourself but your daughter amd her mental wellbeing. If social services gets wind of how he treats her, they will get involved. Even if he didn't abuse your DD, forcing her to witness how he treats you is a form of child abuse. Good luck
