Please, am I other thinking or am I being treated badly? My boyfriend has always looked at other women, in person, online etc. Including explicit talk to particular women. I've expressed many times that it makes me uncomfortable and he says sorry he will stop. It's not actually him doing it that hurts, it's saying he will stop and then carrying on doing it. But most of all, lying to me about it. Fair enough, I understand he may lie because he's worried about upsetting me. But to find out he's lying upsets me more! Not only that, he had a females phone number hidden away on the back of a receipt. This female in particular he has always tried to contact behind my back, saying she's just a friend. But he's lied to me about her so many times about contacting her through snapchat, Instagram etc. And says he doesn't like her and she's a bad friend etc. She also keeps stalking my Instagram, viewing my stories. Which feels off to me. Yesterday, I asked if I could use his phone as mine had died. He ran into the next room on his phone before handing it to me. I looked into the room and he was going through something. After I had borrowed his phone to make a call, he snatched it out of my hand and ran upstairs. I followed and asked what was wrong, I learnt that he had quickly logged out of snapchat. There's a lot more to the story of various secrets and lies, but this puts into perspective what is going on, kind of! It sounds silly sometimes and I feel like I'm being petty but imagine this situation happens 15-20 times over 2 years and him not showing a lot of affection or desire towards me either just adds to it. He was even doing this while I was in late stage labour giving birth to our daughter, searching women up on Instagram. But recently, I've found myself struggling emotionally and mentally even more so than usual. Like it's just taken its toll on me. I've been put on antidepressants and I'm starting therapy this week, I'm looking at various ways to improve myself, looking at a career change to excite me which involves choosing a uni course, finding childcare, a part time job to support it, I'd like to go back to the gym and I feel like I'm doing it all alone aswell as fighting my demons. When I try to talk to him about my options with uni courses and jobs, he's on his phone. When I try to spend time with him, he's tired. If I get upset, he gets angry at me. If I try to talk about my feelings, he accuses me of trying to start an argument. When I'm talking calmly, respectfully and maturely to him. It's making me feel worse and my anxiety is so bad, I feel like I'm treading on eggshells with him . I tried to talk to him about how I feel lastnight, and he shouted at me saying he's tired and has work in the morning. It was 9:30pm. So I rang him this morning while he was on his way to work, he currently takes public transport so its a lot of sitting and waiting, I saw it as a good opportunity to try to talk to him. He got angry at me because he has work. But it's an hour journey on the bus, which I see as a decent opportunity. He then decided to keep me on the call and put his phone in his pocket while I was talking. I don't know if my feelings are valid, but amongst everything else, I found this to be extremely hurtful and disrespectful. Its made me feel trapped and I don't have anyone to talk to and little to no support with my life goals and my emotional health. Are my feelings valid? Or am I being an overthinker, paranoid or sensitive? It just feels like he's not interested at all, but when I ask, he says he is.

Your feelings are valid.You are not being petty.You are not being oversensitive.You are not overthinking things. You are with a man who doesn't value your feelings, who gaslights you, who lies to you, who deliberately does things that he knows upset you, who doesn't listen to you, and whose behaviour makes you anxious and depressed. In fact, to be blunt, you are with a man who is emotionally abusing you. You would be far better off if you weren't with this man. If you can leave safely, do so as quickly as you can. Don't tell him you're leaving, don't give him any clue, and once you've gone, don't have any contact with him again. And don't let him know you've asked for advice on here.If you need help to leave, get in touch with Women's Aid and talk with them.

Am I overthinking?! - Page: 2

18 answers /

Last post: 15/01/2024 at 7:33 pm

Lorna H(277)

11/01/2024 at 12:55 pm

Imagine your friend or your daughter is telling you all this about their partner, what would y

Lorna H(277)

11/01/2024 at 12:59 pm

In answer to

Lorna H(277)

Imagine your friend or your daughter is telling you all this about their partner, what would y

What would your advice be to your friend or daughter if they were telling you this about their partner? You deserve so much better than they way he is treating you . Would he stick around if it was you treating him this way ? Leave him and be happy 😊

Samily R(2)

15/01/2024 at 7:33 pm

Oh darling, I'm so sorry this is happening.

Please understand that you're being gaslit. This man is abusing you. He is acting like a single man and having his cake and eating it.

He has driven you to therapy and the longer you stay, the more you will be harmed. It will get to a point where you have no idea who you are anymore - I'm speaking from experience.

You obviously care deeply about people which horrible people will prey on. I'm exactly the same and it took me a while to understand why my relationships fail - I attract narcissist men.

Your partner is definitely one too.

Please leave. This is abuse.

If you can leave, please be careful, this is the most dangerous part for a woman. Do not announce it, just take what you need and go without him knowing.

Stay with people who love you or alternatively contact Women's Aid. They saved my life.

You, like me, will look back on this in years to come and wonder why you stayed for so long.

You are a beautiful person and deserve to be loved and cherished. You deserve to flourish and that is not happening with this man.

Please know that ♥️

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