Don’t know which to turn

Hi Helen,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic maternal mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Awww thankyou I didn’t know what thread to post on. X x

Hi Helen

I'm Catherine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters. Thanks for sharing with us. You've told us that you have met a new partner and you are feeling 'torn'. Can you help us understand a bit more about what is making you feel that way? It sounds like you have been through a lot and you deserve to feel happy. When you imagine you life in a year, what does it look like?

Helen, you've also told us that you feel your 'mental health is suffering'. Could you make an appointment to chat to your GP about how you're feeling? They will be happy to offer and signpost you to support.

Hopefully some our lovely community will also be along soon to offer support. Please come back to us, if you would like to chat some more, we are here to help

Catherine

Can I ask what MH issues your daughter has and why she is with your mum etc? This is abit brief.

Me personally my daughters staying with me and I'm helping her get on track before putting energy into a relationship. She is still young and needs you there? I'm not having a go but my kids mental health would be top priority. Obv you need happiness too. It wouldn't mean you can't embark on a relationship but me and her having a place etc would be top priority at that present point?

I never understand this, children should be first priority especially at such an age, partners come and go in many many cases, children do not. Same as would say to your daughter, partners come and go, you only get one mum.. but your choice at the end of the day how you wish to move forward

Would it be possible to move the caravan closer to where you are? While you & new partner look for a bigger flat? Would your partner be willing to move closer? Or until you & partner get a bigger flat could you not stay maybe on a weekend with your partner while your daughter is with her nan? I just think if your daughter needs you maybe you could still have the best of both worlds while still supporting your daughter.

As someone else has said it's to brief what is wrong with your daughter? Why does she live with your mam and why didn't you use your money to rent a flat that was big enough for you and your daughter?

Hi,

Im also having some difficulties with my daughter who is about to turn 16. She has asd & depression and we all live together with my mum, stepdad and my three children (I’m disabled) but my eldest has went away to uni and my daughter keeps saying she doesn’t want to live with me anymore and will move out as soon as she turns 16. She literally hates me for no reason and has done for years (starting when my ex husband left). I have a partner of over a year and she doesn’t like when he comes to visit (twice a week) but expects to have her boyfriend over with no issues. I feel very stuck too as I don’t want her to move out at 16 (no idea where she would even go!) but she doesn’t want me here and makes it very clear every day. Just telling you my situation as I can relate to your mental health dwindling and the feelings of being stuck (though a different situation). I would love it if my child wanted to live with me and I think the suggestion above of either your partner and yourself getting a larger property for her to move in or you both living in the caravan and you stay with your partner at the weekend would probably be the best solution. Where is your mum moving to? Is there a reason your daughter needs to move elsewhere and isn’t going with her?

She's still only 17 ! You have plenty of time for yourself and being with your man in the future you only have a few more years until she's independent enough to move out

She has mental health issues and needs you...

Sorry I can't understand this you have children for life they become more independent but they are still your children

This... honestly could never choose a man over my kids even my husband who I love dearly

Agree with these ladies. Your kids should be number one for life in my opinion.

I'm sorry to hear you were the victim of abuse but that doesn't mean its acceptable to abandon your daughter to hang on to a 'decent' man. You need to find a compromise somehow. If the guy you're with loves and cares about you he should be supporting you in whatever you need to do to help your daughter.

Wish I never posted on here!

can never post my whole story!

I’m not sure I wholly agree that’s it’s as black and white as this. Children thrive in a home where both parents ( biological/ step parents / foster) are in a positive loving relationship and sometimes that means putting your spouse first - not always the children . Yes sometimes kids have to come first but if you neglect your relationship then the kids end up suffering anyway .